A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend is going out all day with his "bestfriend" who is a girl today (they've never done that before but they have hung out) and he never told me about it or what they were going to do.I found out because I looked at what he was typing on his phone. I am a pretty jealous person and i don't know if I'm okay with that. He and this girl are really close, like hugging and telling really personal secrets, so yeah I'm jealous. And we're not adults, so of course we are going to be a little less accepting of things like that. I trust my boyfriend but this girl makes me a little nervous. Opinions?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (14 December 2016):
 I think these things do happen at your age. Maybe ask him can you join them?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2016): I disagree that he is intentionally being insensitive. He's just a kid and doesn't know any better.
You can tell him you feel uncomfortable that they have secrets and he's treating her the same as he treats you. Like a girlfriend. Girls are pretty sneaky, and she may be jealous of you too, and suddenly hogging more of his time.
He's just learning about these things, just as you are. So he'll do stupid boy stuff. Let him know, that if he doesn't show you respect and spends too much time with her; you will stop being his girlfriend. Just don't let jealousy be the only reason. He still has to care how you feel, if he treats other girls the same as he treats you as his girlfriend. There is a difference. You're the special one.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2016): Just because you're a kid doesn't mean it's okay to be jealous and possessive. He will have friends, male or female. You don't get to choose his friends; and you can't tell him who he can, or cannot, hangout with. You'll just have have to grow-up and deal with it.
If you feel you're mature enough to have a boyfriend; than learn to handle your jealousy. If you don't, you will be mean to him because of your jealousy; and he'll stop wanting to be your boyfriend. Plain and simple. You may as well learn now; so you'll be prepared for it in the future.
Jealousy makes you miserable and paranoid, the person you you're jealous about will become annoyed with your insecurity, and you will lose one boyfriend after another.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (10 December 2016):
 Jealous is but a symptom of this situation. He is either testing you to see how far he can go without you going all freaky or he's just plain stupid and has no sensitivity to your feelings which is a lack of respect. AND if he doesn't respect you he's an idiot and no worthy of you. A "real" boyfriend would never put you in this position. I'd dump him with yesterday's trash. Good luck
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (10 December 2016):
 Yes, he is being insensitive. You need to ask him if your position was reversed would he be quite happy with it. It may be, because of his youth, he doesn't have the same level of commitment as you. You might have to suggest to him that if he isn't ready for a steady relationship with you it would be better for him to stay with his 'best friend' and leave you to find someone serious about you.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 December 2016):
 If he was up to no good with this girl, he would have no reason to have a girlfriend, i.e. you.
I am guessing the reason he kept this meeting secret from you is that he suspected you will react badly. In fairness, the secrecy would worry me too (and I am a lot older than you!) but, if you give him a hard time then I can understand why he kept it quiet.
Do yourself a favour and stop checking on him. You say you trust him, so prove it.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (10 December 2016):
 It's common to be a bit jealous, but if you can't handle that his best friend is a girl, you shouldn't be with him, I'm afraid.
Relationships are a lot of drama and hard work, you may not be ready to tackle that, if you know you're a jealous person.
You can talk to him about it, but don't make him feel like he shouldn't talk to her or hang out.
If you haven't met her yet, ask him to introduce you.
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