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I tried to break it off with this married man but he still flirts with me, what do I do?

Tagged as: Dating, Forbidden love, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (9 March 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 20 March 2009)
A female United States age 41-50, *andra78 writes:

I began dating a guy at work a few months ago. He is married and I knew it from the beginning. (I know it's horrible). For the past few months, we've gotten relatively close. We emailed several times a day, went out on a few occations, (no sex, just kissing and PG13 stuff) and hung out at work every day. In the beggining it was just a frienship that progressed into more. I found myself having "boyfriend" feelings for him and I know that it's crazy. I consider myself to be a logical person, but somehow I got myself into a very irrational situation.

Anyhow.. Last week I had a moment of clarity and emailed him saying that our "relationship" was a lost cause and it wasn't going to go any further. He responded by saying that he agreed and I deserve more from a relationship and he couldn't accommodate my needs.. Yes, he talks like that. So the next time I went to work, I had full intentions to be passive and act like nothing ever happened and be friends. That didn't work. He still flirts with me and I hate to say it, but I still like it. I like the attention he gives to me and I know that I will just end up in the same situation as before. I just don't know what to do. Please help....

View related questions: at work, flirt, kissing, married man

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A reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2009):

Hun, he's stringing you along to spice up his existence.

Flirt with him if YOU enjoy it.

And if you don't.......ignore him.

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A female reader, Artistry United States +, writes (9 March 2009):

Artistry agony auntHi, There is basically nothing to add to what triedit has said. It's all there. Let him flirt, enjoy it, but don't flirt back, slowly stop beingin places at work where he might be and start to like his flirtation less. You can do it. This fellow as you have found out,wantseverything he can get, while you get crumbs. Strengthen your will, and be on the look out for a single guy. It's a waste of time trying to be with "I want it all guy", move on. Find someplaces where single guys hang out, take a girfriend, check out the singles section if you've got a mind to. Good luck , you can have what you want, but you have got to fight for it, don't give in to him. Not worth it in the long run. Good luck.

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A female reader, triedit Canada +, writes (9 March 2009):

triedit agony auntIf you guys changed your behavior at work, somebody is going to notice!

Likely he is a flirt by nature. THere is really nothing wrong with flirting. But you have to accept that is all it is ever going to be.

He's married. Strike 1. You work together. Strike 2. He emotionally cheats on his wife (emails and even the PG13 stuff). Strike three. You REALLY don't want to be the other woman. Trust me, Ive been there. And if you date someone you work with and things don't work out, your work will suffer. And if he has always proven he's the kind that cheats, you can bet he's going to someday cheat on YOU!

Play the flirty game if you want to but always keep in the back of your mind that he's got three strikes. And be on the lookout for someone outside of work who is really worthy of you.

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