A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I have been seeing a married man for 5 years I have divorced my husband but my lover is still with his family, he said he cannot leave his children until they are older and less dependant on him, he does idolise his kids.I said I was free to see other men and have a proper relationship and he said he couldn't stop me but that he did love me and wants a future with me eventually.He said that if any potential relationship ended that he wanted to stay in contact with me I said I wasn't a piece of meat he said he wasn't treating me like that but still wanted me in his life.Do you think he's stringing me along or that the timing isn't right for him?
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female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (19 February 2015):
 `I will tell you what you NEED To hear... he is stringing you along.
he is giving you a line
if he wanted to be with you he would have left the wife a long time ago.
you CAN leave your wife and NOT your children.
A
female
reader, Midnight Shadow +, writes (19 February 2015):
 I'm sorry that you've got to hear this, OP, but you're old enough to know better.
There is no reason to keep your kids living in a home where their parents aren't happy because the kids can pick up on it, no matter how young. This means that he isn't unhappy in his marriage and is just a bit bored.
You are most likely an attractive woman with lots of life experience who knows what she wants from a relationship, yet settles for a guy who is someone else's. The fact that he's lie to and cheat on his wife means hed have no issues with lying to you about the state of their marriage, or anything else - even if he chose you over them.
What you've been doing is, quite honestly, nasty and selfish. You've been helping a man betray his wife *and* children for FIVE YEARS. The timing isn't right for him because he doesn't *want* to be with you monogamously and uses his kids as an excuse, which is low and means he doesn't really idolise them. He may love his kids, but that's not the reason he's not leaving his happily secure life with his wife. If the timing isn't right after five years, you're going to be waiting several more and he'll just keep up with "my kids are still too young", "I need to pay for their university now", "I need to support them getting their own place", "I don't want to leave yet because they'll hate me and write me out of their wedding", "I can't leave now; they won't let me see my grandchildren who I idolise".
You deserve better once you stop trying to steal someone else's husband. You deserve a man who loves you and will almost stop at nothing to be with you, without the complications of being in a relationship with someone else. You are worth more than you're allowing yourself to be and have.
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A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (19 February 2015):
 You are a mature woman, not a young girl and deep down inside you know how this is all going to play out. You are on here asking for advice but if you are honest with yourself, you don't need our advice. You know what to do but you don't want to do it. Right? As long as you are with this man, you will always be at least 3rd in line. You do understand this, don't you? His wife, his kids..they will always come first. Its very unlikely that he will EVER leave the marriage.
So ask yourself how many more years do you want to continue to wait for stolen kisses and hugs and stolen time with a man who isn't yours?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2015): It's so hard when I'm emotionally involved with him, Iv tried ending it loads of times and I end up being depressed and miserable and he pursues me until we are back together again and then I'm happy....until the next time I question everything....
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A
male
reader, SensitiveBloke +, writes (19 February 2015):
 Yes, he's stringing you along. He knows what he's doing is wrong and doesn't want anyone finding out about it.
Find someone who's actually available and not already in a relationship with someone else.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (19 February 2015):
 You have already waited 5 years, you think he is going to drop that family NOW for you?
First it's "he has to stay till the kids are old enough to understand" then "he has to stay till they are 18" then it will be" he has to stay till they are done in college/uni"
THERE will ALWAYS be other priorities OVER you.
Are you really OK with a guy who wants to be with you.. EVENTUALLY?
So YOU have to put YOUR life on hold for that eventuality to show up?
And let's say 5 more years down the road and there is another excuse, then 5 more...
If you ARE serious to want to BE with someone (not necessarily HIM) then are you willing to wait for something that MAY or MAY NOT happen?
You are 41-50, so I will presume you know what you want by now..
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (19 February 2015):
 Doesn't it amount to the same ? Wheter he is stringing you along or the timing is not right with him, the end result for you is teh same - you have a part time lover whom you have to see secretly , I imagine ) or at least discretly, and whom you have to share with another woman. And this, for an undetermined length of time, because it is opportunely vague WHEN in his mind his kids will be old enough to handle the truth.
Is that good enough for you ? Is it smart to put your life on hold based on such uncertain premises ?
these are the real questions that should matter to you , not the attempt to read his mind. ( personalyy, I think he is stringing you along big time, but of course I could not ptove it ). Whatever his reasons are, he is clearly , and understandably I guess, prioritizing his own interest and wellbeing, not yours. Can you be happy with that ?
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