A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had been dating this guy for the passed 4 months around 2 months into thing he said that he wanted a relationship and that he had strong feeling for me but as i had not long got out of a terrible 3 years relationship i told him i wasn't ready just yet. I was cheated on a number of times and still have trust issues so i didn't want to rush anything although i did really like him.We never said that we were seeing each other exclusively but i haven't been talking to or dating anyone else and he said that he wasn't either. He knew about my previous relationship and i made it clear that he would have to earn my trust before i jump into anything again. Then i found out he slept with someone else whilst we have been seeing each other. I've ended things with him and there is no way i will be able to ever trust him again but i was just wondering what other peoples thoughts are on this?Have a dodged another a**hole bullet? Or did he not owe me anything considering i said i didn't want a relationship just yet? Did i bruise his ego? Or is he just another cheating looser? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (24 February 2015):
 He did not owe you anything considering that you had said you did not want a relationship just yet. You had not agreed on being exclusive, you were just hanging out.
He may have said he was not seeing anybody else and this may have been the factual truth at the time when he said it.. Which does not mean that this state of things , seen the vague, fluid state of your relationship, could not change any moment- as it did.
I guess I understand what you mean, i.e. that, if he had been REALLY taken with you, really smitten, really in love... probably would not have been even tempted by other women and other adventures, he would just have waited for you and only you to make up your mind.
Quite possible, but... come on , give him a break. Do you really want to blame him for only liking you but not being totally head over heels YET ? In 4 months ? Of casual uncommitted dating ? ... (And uncommited by YOUR choice ,btw ).
A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (23 February 2015):
 He didn't owe you anything. You said that you didn't want a relationship. He didn't violate your trust, because you weren't in a relationship.
And, you need to know something very important - you can not and must not penalize a future relationship because of a past one. Telling him that he needed to "earn your trust" because of the actions of a past boyfriend is unfair and callous on your part. Time is needed to build trust on both parts, and you extended NO trust to him. In fact, you carried emotional baggage into the relationship, stacking it against him from the start.
He took your words at face value, figured you shut down any possibility of a real relationship, and kept his options open. Your words said that you wanted him for sex, but not for exclusivity. Do not be surprised that he actually heeded you.
You can't do that - tell someone "An ex broke my heart, so you're going to have to pass my emotional tests, but there's no promise I'm even going to be interested in you because of what an ex did to me."
Because what you're actually telling a guy is that you're not over your ex. If you're not over your ex, negatively or positively, then you should not be dating at all.
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