A
female
age
36-40,
*reeangel
writes:The guy I've been seeing who wanted me to open up to him is now giving it another go with his ex. I feel rubbish. I wish i opened up to him earlier. He said he thought it was a bit of fun between us coz i never told him my feelings. He tried talking to me a couple times but i felt so vunerable about telling him that i think he's amazing and i cant stop thinking about him. now ive told him at the 11th hour and it seems too late. i know i shouldnt beat myself up about shoulda woulda coulda's but i feel so lost. I tried to keep cool not to scare him off as some guys have got scared off before and now this has happened. will i ever get it right!?! has he just gone back to her coz it's safe and he thought i didnt like him as much?so confusing, so sad and completely gutted.
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female
reader, Freeangel +, writes (3 March 2011):
Freeangel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi, thank you for all of your feedback.I don't feel as bad as I feared I would. I am still sad and disapointed because everything was going so well! But now I've had time to think it all over... We were only dating for a month and he kept persuing me, like it should be! I didn't ever give him any idea that I didn't like him, just possibly I didn't reassure him enough for him about my feelings. But I felt like it was too early. I told him I liked him, I was effectionate, I told him I didnt wana stop seeing him but needed to take it slowly when he confronted me. I just feel like it was odd that he was asking me all those questions so early on. He spilled out to me and then forgot the one crucial thing he should have told me! That he had someone else on his mind! Thing is though, me and my friends have never known him to have a girlfriend since they've known him previous to when me and him met. ??? Perhaps he used it as an excuse to stop seeing me? I just don't get why he was trying to get all this emotion and feeling from me just to turn around and not wana see me anymore? He may have an ex, of course, but it never came up and there's never been any hint of past relationships with him.Denise32, I did get a gut feeling that something was seriously wrong at 4am the other night, and that spurred me to tx him saying I needed to chat. Then in the morning he tx me telling me all this stuff about an ex. I knew things had changed over the previous few days but why he didn't tell me before I don't know. Maybe keeping his options open? I spoke to a lovely lady that I see for Reiki and she said it sounds like he is insecure, otherwise he wouldn't need all that reassurance so early on. I think she's right. and I don't need to be responsible for making someone happy in themselves. Like I said, I never gave him any idea that I wasn't interested apart from taking a step back now and again as to not 'suffercate' him! I wanted to give him space coz you don't wana jump into a serious thing straight away. We still needed to get to know each other and I did tell him this. I was myself, I was me and that's all i guess i can be! I am working and starting a course soon. Hopefully I'll be able to get on with my life now and what ever happens, happens. Like you say, 'who knows' . Any further replies greatly received!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2011): no matter what you say,dont say or half say wont matter. if he`d wanted, he would have been with you. the truth is,he loves the one he is with.
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A
female
reader, Denise32  +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Yes, that is hard, and its not surprising you feel sad and gutted.
Think of it this way, though: perhaps the fact that you didn't tell him how you felt sooner was because in your unconscious, something was trying to protect you........what I'm saying is that POSSIBLY at some level you sensed that he might not be right for you, hence your hesitation.
Just to confuse you further, I'm not necessarily saying he WASN'T a good match, just that you might have feared it - you said you didn't want to be vulnerable, right?
That's not a bad thing! No need to beat yourself up over not speaking up before now!
It's important to give some thought to striking a balance between "exposing" yourself to undue hurt or to a guy who might be manipulative, and being so self-protective that you don't give anyone a chance.
What to do next? Well, you have told him, so he does know how you feel. Maybe he had something very special with his ex and that's why he's decided to try again with her.
On the other hand, perhaps he will find it won't work after all. See, the problems that led to their breakup in the first place, will still come up again, and unless they can resolve them this time around, he might well call it quits down the road.
Perhaps then he will contact you again, who knows?
BUT, in the meantime, you can't sit around waiting for that to happen! You need to take the attitude that at present he's gone, and go on with your own life.
Be sad for a while, and give some thought as to what you feel you did in the past to scare guys off. This is an opportunity for you to take a look at that, and to learn to behave differently from now on.
But also, take time to have some fun! Get together with your friends, do the things you enjoy! Are you still in school, or are you working? Either way, school/job need your attention and energy.......
Hope this helps.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 March 2011):
 I don't think it was the fact that you took your time (nothing wrong in that at all) to feel comfortable with him, he just wasn't over his ex.
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