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I told him I love him and now he is backing off!

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Friends, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 December 2009) 3 Answers - (Newest, 14 December 2009)
A female Australia age 36-40, *ired of dating writes:

Please someone give me some advice. I have been dating a man for about 6 months now. He has constantly been in my face telling me he loves me and I will be his wife. Well, I didn't say anything to him about this but a really good friend of his was trying to make me catch him with a nother woman. I did not listen to this friend because I did not feel that was the case. Also, this so-called friend of his wanted to be with me, I declined and never spoke to him again. About 3 weeks ago, I told him I had fallen in love with him too. All of a sudden things changed. We spent 7 days a week with each other before, where as now, I see him maybe once a week. To add icing on the cake, another friend told me that he thinks I am too clingy and I am moving too fast. I dont understand this because he is a good person and I truly thought he loved me. When I tried to speak to him about this he gave me some lame story about his culture and his family not wanting him to be with an african woman. I knew in my heart that was a lie. What should I do now?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009):

Hello. Some people say they love you when what they really mean is....they like you. Others talk of love because they like the notion of being in love but they arent really in love, just in love with the idea. Some say they love you because it sounds pretty, they think its what you want to hear and it gets them what they want. If this man has been telling you he loves you for 6 months and when you tell him you love him too he runs away, then im sorry but hes probably one of the above.

Be real about it. If telling him you love him has made he lift his skirts and do a runner, does that sound like a man whos found his soul mate and is happy to settle down? No it doesnt. Im not sure what sort of game hes been playing with you or why his friend would want to help you catch him out with other women but i should let him get on with his confused life and move on x

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A male reader, Griffo Australia +, writes (14 December 2009):

Griffo agony auntI'm sorry to hear about that. I'll make this as simple as I can.

With love when we say to another we love them, they'll do one of these things. 1) they will say they love us back. 2) they wont say anything, but they will respect our words and stay by our side. or; 3) they will leave us.

Its pretty obvious that (1) is that they truly love us back, and we live happily ever after. (2) Is a little more complicated but I believe, yes, they love us yet they are not ready to respond or may be a bit surprised about the whole thing, and likley very happy. But 3? this is the truth about somebody wether they are really genuine or not. Usually if they leave, it likley means that they were not in love with us at all.

This person sounds strange, because he told you he loved you untill you eventually told him you loved him, then things stoped/changed. I know that when this happens it means he has hooked you in. Thats the point in which he has your heart and all of a sudden they stop. The more they give you space the fonder your heart shall become untill you break down. This is a horrible person.

But to save you now, maybe you could consider moving on because honestly there arent too many african ladies in Australia and im certian many Aussie blokes would really love to date you. Your like an exotic rare person.

Forget about this bloke forever, you can do way better than him! and he dosent deserve the rare beautiful african woman. You really deserve much better attention and respect.

:)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2009):

I would suggest backing off even more than he did.It's possible he freaked out and felt trapped.When you are apart he will see clearer if he wants to go further.Guys usually don't mind when you say you love them it's kind of comforting.We typically want the girl to say it first though.Calling or texting where are you? what are you doing? non-stop would be annoying to me.If his interest has dropped it probably went somewhere else.

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