A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid;I met a man on-line, he asked me to meet him at a nearby restaurant/bar at 9:00, he then changed the time to 9:15. I texted him when I got there never got a reply. I waited for 15 minutes and as I was getting ready to leave when he showed up. Never said anything as to why he was late. We go inside and get a booth, all he ordered was tap water. I ordered a beer, it was uncomfortable taking up a table as they were so busy. He asked me out for Friday for dinner, I agree. He then said he had a work event but should be done by 7. So I didn't eat. I get a text after 7 saying now it would be 8:00. I said if he had to work we could make it for another day. I get a text at 10:00 asking if I was ready and I said it was too late. So now he is not talking to me. Was I wrong? Thanks for your responses.
View related questions:
text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Fatherly Advice + ♥, writes (3 September 2017):
 I don't even answer the phone after 8. if a professor is 15 minutes late class is canceled.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 September 2017):
 Just be glad he's avoiding you. He's not a serious man, you were just his "in case nothing better comes along". That's why he didn't prioritize the dates he had with you, but kept being delayed, not apologizing, and just delaying every date you agreed on. He wasn't serious about you at all. Just forget about him and find someone worth your time, this guy was flaky and not a good catch.
...............................
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (3 September 2017):
 Glad to see you have drawn a line under this one.
Add him to your stories-to-tell-your-friends list and have a laugh about it. The guy has more issues than the New York Times.
You deserve much better.
...............................
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (3 September 2017):
 Who eats dinner at 10 ?... Oh plenty of people , as for that :)
In Spain, Italy, South of France,for instance ,10 p.m. is still seen as a reasonable time to have dinner, particularly eating out at restaurants, and in the summer period. But even in New York, ( so, not the Mediterranean ) there's nothing strange in ordering a full meal at 11 p.m. or even later, I did it many times.
The problem is not the time, the problem is the way this guy acted. One thing is giving an appointment " fashionably late " and another one is fixing the appointment for 7, then postponing it 3 hours and assuming it will be alright anyway. Then again , he had already given signs of being rude and entitled at the first appointment ,by showing up late with no apologies and no explanations.
My feeling is that he was not particularly interested in getting to know you or spending time with you, actually maybe he was trying to keep that at a minimum. He meant just to accrue the barely decent minimum of dates, or just of hours , with you , before getting down to business, i.e. having sex.
Congratulations,OP, your instincts steered you right, you must have dodged a bullet.
...............................
A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (3 September 2017):
A very strange character you've crossed paths with. Being late - especially on a first date - is not good but doing so without an apology or even excuse takes this to a whole new level...one of being very boorish.
Then, going to a restaurant and ordering only tap water is one of the ultimate acts of being cheap. I'd be curious as to what kind of tip her left...pocket lint???
You are very fortunate that he is not talking to you.
...............................
A
male
reader, Billy Bathgate +, writes (3 September 2017):
Why are you worried about this guy? You were not wrong. Find someone else.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): Avoid Avoid .... he's just messing you about .. you don't know him cut all ties ..you deserve respect
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): He is not worth wasting your time on him. He seems to be a bit of a jerk who thinks that girls should be within the snap of his fingers.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThis is the OP. Thank you all for taking time to respond. It helps knowing I wasn't being unreasonable. I've blocked his calls/texts.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2017): You did exactly the right thing. This guy is jerking you around. He's trying to get-in enough dates to count towards having sex. He's opting late hours to increase the likelihood of hooking-up.
He's testing you. If you continue to overlook this disrespectful behavior; he knows you're lonely and desperate.
You might want to take this behavior as a lesson in the future. When guys play around with time-schedules, frequently cancels; or if they always show-up late. They are not interested in you. They want only one thing.
Please be vigilant for odd or inconsistent behavior. You're a mature and intelligent person; and you're dating online. You can't be naive dealing with men you hardly know. You deserve respect. Demand it. Cut all contact, delete messages, and totally ignore him. He goes in the reject pile.
...............................
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123 +, writes (2 September 2017):
 Nope, you were not wrong. You gave him two chances and now you know that he doesn't value you and doesn't believe in punctuality. He also thinks he's the cat's whiskers.
He isn't and you can do so much better. Move on please.
...............................
A
female
reader, catnip +, writes (2 September 2017):
This is not you being wrong at all. You've given him a chance and his first impressions show he is not showing you any respect or valuing your time.
Move on and forget it. He is the one with the issues
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (2 September 2017):
 Block him and move on.
If the plan is for 9:00 then 9:15 and he show up at 9:30 with no explanation or Sorry, I am late... I would say strike 1.
The second date he plans for 7:00 decided the work event is more fun or lasts longer so he changes it to 8:00 and THEN expects you to go out at 10? That's ridiculous.
Sounds like he wants you to be at his beck and call...
DEFINITELY, skip this fella.
Now in Southern Europe, it's common to eat a late dinner and in general, that is fine IF THE PLAN from the beginning is to eat late but going from 7:00 to 10:00 and expecting you to just sit at the door waiting for his call? Heck no!
Don't waste your time on him - and he should get a dog...
...............................
A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (2 September 2017):
 You totally did the right thing!
The guy is a flake who doesn't value your time, and you wasted a perfectly good Friday night on him.
If I were you, I wouldn't talk to him either. You gave him two chances, and he blew them both without remorse.
You can find someone much better!
...............................
A
female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (2 September 2017):
 You did the right thing, telling him 10pm was too late. For Pete's sake, who eats dinner at 10??
Good for you. Now just ignore him and don't second guess yourself any more. He's made a poor impression and that's on HIM. Stop assuming it must have been you where men are concerned.
...............................
|
