A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Just another sad love songSo I met this guy, Pete, through mutual friend and then we stayed in touch via social media and texting for maybe a month I was at a town a little while. Good connections, nothing sexual, lots in common. Finally we meet at an event. Just for a quick hour it was a social thing and all was great. He even asked me out for a couple days later.We had a nice dinner. He opened doors etx. Paid. All was goodie share a lot in common a nice connection. I will say I noticed he drank a bit. He's a big dude but 4 drinks in two hours just sayingAfter date we kissed and that was all. I went home feeling good. Then he basically disappears. We had daily contact for a while that was odd. So I called him out on it and asked if he was ok cuz he was just Mia. He gets back to me the next day saying sorry was on a "bender" and got distracted. Plus I like you but don't see us being more then friends. Ok I was hurt not gonna lie I just polite and just said thanks. I'm very attractive used to modelStill in good shape. I'm educated and funny. Good catch according to most people. If he likes me why isn't he dating me?Two nights later he texts to chat! Sends me pics of his dog and new bike and we joke around. But I'm confused. Help!
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2015): It amazes me every time I hear that a girl doesn't understand why a guy not into her though she is pretty.
Prettiness has nothing to do with how a guy feels about a girl romantically.
You may be hot with great body but emotionally there is no connection , and that's it , he doesn't t want to date you. Unless you are willing to do it just for sex.
Not all guys are just into sex alone. Especially when we get older.
Yes, he kissed you, after a few, but then realized he is not into you and was honest about it, not to waste your time or simply use you for sex
A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (2 October 2015):
 ...But chemistry, I think, is a bit more and a bit different than raw physical attraction.
I mean, you are a very pretty,on shape girl, ... and the mood was mellow and convivial... and he had had a bit too much to drink... of course he enjoyed his kissing session :) , and in the circumstances I would have been surprised if the date had ended without any kissing at all.
But one may want to kiss ( or do other sexy stuff with ) a person yet not want to date her / him. I think that for deciding to date someone there needs to be that spark that's not just lust , it's more being intrigued, being curious about a person and eager to discover more about him / her...
Maybe during your date, regardless of your good looks and good qualities, you have failed to ignite this curiosity , this special spark. It happens. To everybody . After all these things are sort of unpredictable and hard to explain. Otherwise all the attractive women ( models actresses and the like ) would have a 100% success score in their love life, and it is obviously not so.
If I were you I would not waste much regret on this missed connection. This "bender " guy seems one who drinks like a fish , and unless you too drink like a fish yourself, he does not sound such a great potential bf after all.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2015): OP here
Thanks for the feedback. He did seem pretty damn into me when we kissed on his rooftop for an hour but hey maybe I don't know anything anout attraction?
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 Nothing to be confused about. If he were interested in a relationship with you he would demonstrate it by asking you out again That has absolutely nothing to do with your appearence or your personality. For all you know he could be interested in someone else or even gay. I'd suggest you just check it off as an unusual experience and let it go.It most likely has nothing to do with you or your looks. Better luck next time.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (1 October 2015):
 Take his words for the truth - he isn't that into you. It's not about your looks, it's about chemistry and he just didn't feel it.
Another thing I would pay heed to is that he went on a BENDER - had 4 drinks on a date... big guy or not, the man had a relationship with alcohol.
He could have strung you along, but he didn't when called on it.
He was a dud, no big deal. Don't take it as there is something wrong with you, I doubt there is. I have had quite a few VERY good looking male friends,doesn't mean I would have wanted to date any of them. This guy is looking for something else, or he met someone else while out on the bender...
Either way... If you want another "friend" stay in touch, if not... let him know and let him go.
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A
female
reader, howcomehoney  +, writes (1 October 2015):
 He's been clear with you by telling you he doesn't see it going any further romantically by wanting to me friends. When he texted you to chat with the photos of his dog and bike, it was because he doesn't want you to feel as though he doesn't value your friendship, and he wants things to stay the same between you.Sometimes there just isn't a romantic spark. I think we've all been there - we all have friends that we like a lot but would never be interested in romantically, and it doesn't mean that there's anything wrong with the other person! They can be attractive and well-educated and funny, but we just don't have those kinds of feelings towards them. If you really have strong feelings for him and it will be painful for you to be friends with him, it's your right to back off. Otherwise you guys can stay friends, and you can be happy with that. Friends are good things to have, after all!
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