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female
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anonymous
writes: I have been dating a man that I met online, well things were going along great until I asked him why is he still on the site and he said he didnt know that he was supposed to get off....well I asked him is the reason that he is still on the dating site because he's waiting for an better offer and that he want to keep his options open. I told him that I am not looking for a relationship like this. He said we only been together for 2 months and thats not enough time to know anything...I told him it should roll off his head(we spend days together when we are together). He said he has to think about all this and I told him I already know. I am hurt and sadden that at 44 and freshly started dating that I get involved in a selfish relationship. I am afraid to start back over cause this was a real nice man as long as things were going his way. My question what did I do wrong I tried not to fuss and treated him like a king. My ex used to tell me that I get tired of people and have no patience. Am I doomed to be alone?
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female
reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (15 January 2006):
 You each had a point. He's right that two months isn't long enough to know whether you really suit each other for the longer term. You're right that he should have stopped - or at least suspended - his online profile while you were dating.
That said, he was pretty egocentric to suggest that he's "waiting for a better offer"! I think this guy's selfishness goes a long way toward explaining why he doesn't currently have a partner. Imagine what a pig someone like that would be to live with! Selfish, self-centred, childish. Yeeeee!
You're well rid of this particular man, and if I might suggest, you might need to become a bit more assertive in your relationships. From your description, you sit back and wait for the guy to judge whether you're "good enough" for him, rather than making a choice yourself. It should be a two-way street, you know. Be sure you don't act too passively, or people will walk all over you.
The best relationships don't start with strangers (not to say it doesn't happen -- of course it does); you're always going to have better luck with someone you know as a friend. So I don't think much of dating sites and bars as places to meet people. Try to become involved in activities you like and meet people at those places. You have a better chance of finding a like-minded soul when you're already on common ground.
Good luck, dear.
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