A
female
age
51-59,
*unaway Girl
writes:I recently got engaged to the most sweetest guy ever, or so i thought. He has recently been diagnosed bipolar and stopped smoking with the help of tablets as he isn't in the greatest of health. But, last few days if I speak to him I am babbling, he keeps telling me to shut up, everything is my fault and his bad behavior is nothing to do with him. He does NOTHING around the home not even makes a cup of tea. We go to church and when I met him I knew it as important to him, but I don't want to keep going twice a week, I have just been told I am wrecking things for him there. I feel they take advantage of my good nature as I tend to do a lot when I arrive and now I have been caught to also wash up and now its expected. Also the homeless go there as we as we all have a meal afterwards but the homeless are starting to outweigh the others. Also people not the homeless are having three helpings and three slices of cake. I am just not used to all this and its not a part of the world I want to do all the time. This is the forth day of non speaking, he is living in my home and I was happy on my own before him. I didn't want a relationship and slowly I fell for him as he was a friend before we got together. He wants to get a car, I would love one and hes buying but I don't want to buy any old car as you don't know there history, or if they are safe. I am unhappy, I have tried to talk to him and told him we are falling apart and wont last. he tells me in which case its all my fault and shut up!!!BTW I am bipolar and have been diagnosed for three years and he knew this when we met. Can anyone help please?
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female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (13 October 2015):
 He doesn't sound very sweet to me. And I think staying with him or/and getting married is the worst thing you can do "to" yourself.
He either insults you or give you the "silent" treatment all to control you, and have you be insignificant in the relationship. You are NOT his equal in his eyes.
He doesn't lift a finger at home, expect you to be the designated dishwasher/cleaning lady/organizer at HIS church and for you to build you whole life around him and what HE wants. IT will not change once you get married, you realize that, right? I think it's GREAT to volunteer to help the homeless, but there is where it should end VOLUNTEERING. That means you do it because YOU want to. It makes you happy doing it, and it sounds like it doesn't, because everyone now takes you for granted, not just your BF.
I think you need to ask him to move out, firstly. Secondly, if you DO NOT want to go to his church twice a week, settle for one. HE doesn't NEED to have you there in order for him to worship.
You are trading your OWN mental heath for this relationship. You feel worse being with him than you did when you were single. THAT is not how a GOOD relationship works.
Even people with no mental health issues can have crappy relationships, so that is NO excuse for him to treat you like dirt. I DO agree with the first nonny poster who says he thinks that he has you TRAPPED and can treat you as refuse. Don't allow that. And the only way to stop it, is for you to say enough. You need to move out.
You know the way he is treating you ins't OK. YOU don't deserve that. NO ONE does.
PUT yourself first.
A
female
reader, 02DuszJ +, writes (13 October 2015):
 I agree with the first poster, bipolar or not, you don't have to put up with this- he sounds like a horrible person using his illness as an excuse to treat you like a dirty rag...there's a difference between having a mental illness and not loving or respecting someone... he just sounds like a leech, sucking your life from you- what about when he's in a stable mood- does he help you in the house then? or show his love, or care about your needs and opinion...
It's YOUR house, you worked for it and bought it, you're in a lucky position to boot him out... don't let your caring, sensitive personality cloud your judgement- because he's trying to break you down.
Good luck :)
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A
female
reader, Euphoria30  +, writes (13 October 2015):
Dear OP,
Don't let yourself be pushed into a marriage you don't want.
You may have had a good time together and shared a part of each others' life, but it seems you're too different to live a happy ever after.
You don't do yourself or him a favour if you say yes to something that will make you unhappy. He was a friend, and it seems friendship worked, but a marriage doesn't seem to be the right arrangement.
I agree with Denizen. Reclaim your space. It's your life. Your time. Your energy. Use it the way YOU want.
Big hug
E.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (13 October 2015):
 I think you should hand back the ring. Tell him to move into his own place, and come back to talk to you when he is in a better frame of mind.
You write: 'I was happy on my own before him. I didn't want a relationship'.
Well it's time to reclaim your space. Explain that you can't tolerate the way things are going, and that you need your space and your life back. Set a deadline for him to move.
I'm sorry things have gone so wrong for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2015): Bi-polar or not you recognize when someone is treating you badly. This relationship s not for you and your boy friend has now relaxed into his true personality of rudeness disrespect and contempt. He thinks he has you trapped now he can treat you how he really wants. The answer is to throw him out on his as$. The worst thing is you are doubting your own intuition, and doubting your own self worth. You have worked too hard to earn your own trust after your own illness. Don't let someone else's manipulation get you increasingly off balance. Everyone wants to love and be loved, but the cost of loving your boyfriend maybe your own self respect.
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