A
female
age
51-59,
*ntrigued3000
writes:We were together for a year. We connected on so many levels (emotionally, intellectually, physical intimacy). I've had many relationships before. I've even been married once. Never have I been so happy as I was with him. He broke up with me on the eve of our one year anniversary. He did not want to take the relationship to the next level. He was scared of being hurt because of past experiences. He told me to find someone else who could love me back. I was so shattered. I still am. We have not spoken since the break-up (over 4 months ago). How could I have been so wrong about my feelings? Was I so blinded by my love for him that I did not see the truth? He made me so happy and I thought I made him happy too, or I thought I did.
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female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (27 February 2013):
Intrigued3000 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thank you all for your great advice and support. I especially like Chigirl's advice. Chigirl I think you're very intuitive.
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 I think you did make him happy, too happy. Some people are just chickens. Scaredy-cats. Commitment-phobes is a popular term. Scared, basically. Insecure I think. Afraid of failure.
He'll never end up in a long term happy relationship, because he's probably going to settle for a so-so relationship... one in which there's a lot of downs as well as ups, which means he doesn't have to worry about screwing up, because things are already screwed up.
But you didn't do anything wrong, it was just the wrong man. The love you gave him wasn't something he brought out of you, it is something that is inside of you still. You can love more men with the same passion, and next time you will find a man who actually dares to be happy.
It's his loss, not yours. You had a great time, and you weren't scared. Keep that attitude, don't lose it.
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A
male
reader, IHateWomanBeaters  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 Someone who continuously shows you that you two are not compatible in something where you two MUST be compatible is going to let you down. It is just the reality of the world.These comparisons might be silly, but they illustrations to show you exactly the situation you were in.He is someone that is not ready to commit, and you are someone who wants to commit.So, comparison time.He is a NAZI and you are an Israeli Orthodox Jew. Are you going to have a relationship in that case? No.What is the difference? One seems so straight forward and the other one is more abstract.What is the similarity? Both are examples of blatantly incompatible people. I am sorry to hear what you are going through, but that is literally how simple it is. Move on and find someone else. The best cure for depression is doing something.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): You weren't wrong about your feelings. And it could be that he was happy too, just scared. He has told you he can't commit so the best thing is to concentrate on recovering from this. You could go on forever asking questions about it.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (25 February 2013):
 It's very easy to be decieved and/or tricked when you're vulnerable so you now have some experience...get back in the game but with a new concept of trust. Be a slight bit more reluctant to go "all in" though this time. only being with someone for a year or less is pretty dangerous. It's like those folks you see that go,"Oh, I was intimate with him on Facebook, how could he/she be so cruel?"
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): What youre going through is perfectly natural, you have a million and one questions and thoughts whirling through your head.But thinking and analysing these things over and over again give you no extra clarity or insight. Instead it depresses you, upsets you and is ultimately damaging.I would go out to the gym, get a new hobby, holiday, dine with friends, jeep myself busy and definitely stay away from your ex. Time is a fantastic healer and you will recover.When you do recover emotionally, you will probably gain that insight into this relationship and see it for what it was. But til then concentrate on yourself.Good luck!
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A
female
reader, TasteofIndia +, writes (25 February 2013):
 There's always room for all these questions after a break up. And to be honest, you'll never have answers. The longer you spend harping over the past, the more time that will have been wasted not moving forward. It is okay and natural to be upset, and to wonder why. But you're spending a lot of emotional energy on questions that can't be answered. You need to work towards moving on from this. Spend some time being single, finding new hobbies, being with friends - distracting yourself. Distraction + Time = Moving On to a happier, healthier life.
I'm so sorry. Good luck, sweet! :)
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): You got taken for a ride. I have been through the same thing. I spent over 5 grand on psych bills and got the help I needed. Its not your fault get some professional help. If you don't have the money there are 1-800 help numbers. You can do this best through google search in the community you live.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (25 February 2013):
 I'm curious... What "level" were you on?.... and which "level" was the next one?
Sign me: Curious.....
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2013): Sweetie,Sometimes we are so overwhelmed with love, we don't really see what is really in front of us. Infatuation is the main reason many relationships never begin, or quickly end. We often become needy and get ahead of ourselves. Not giving the other party a chance to catch up. They may just go along with us sometimes out of convenience. They may be selfish, and enjoy unconditional love giving little in return. No relationship is perfect. Lasting relationships take work. Sometimes the suit doesn't fit, but we continue to wear it.Honey, don't look back. Look ahead and move on. This is your learning experience. Always choose the level-headed approach. Don't search for blame, that leads to bitterness. You were told to find someone who really loves you, and that's what you should do.
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A
female
reader, NORA B  +, writes (25 February 2013):
This indeed is a heart-breaking situation for you . You were not wrong about your feelings for him but yes we can all be blinded by our love for the other person .Believe me it has happened to most of us.Right now I would suggest that you give yourself time and space to heal. It's not going to be easy but in time you will get there and have some peace of mind .Kind Wishes Nora B.
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