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I thought having a baby would get me off the council estate. My married lover is married and has money. I wanted that lifestyle.

Tagged as: Cheating, Pregnancy, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 September 2007) 10 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I'm 18 and I have been lying about being on the contaceptive injection. I have had a hard childhood on a council estate and I thought if I got pregnant to my older boss I would get a better life. I'm pregnant and he's staying with his wife that he said was over. I have been in his house and he has money and I wanted that life style, Now I'm destined to stay on the estate on benifits. I will not have an abortion and I've tried to talk to him. He will give money but as his wife knows she wants him to do and give the very minimum.

View related questions: abortion, money

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A male reader, rcn United States +, writes (11 September 2007):

rcn agony auntFirst lets address the situation as a whole. DON'T DATE MARRIED MEN. You not only affect your life, but the lives of others. His wife is innocent, and should not have the marriage she agreed to tampered with by you or anyone else.

It's OK to want a lifestyle. I've been at both ends. I've been broke, living off state benefits, I've been, not wealthy, but OK. Having enough extra to take trips, and pay my bills, have a house and cars. I was able to live a better life, not because some married person gave me theirs, but because I had to work for what I had. I worked hard and changed the position I was in, not expecting others to do it for me.

Being pregnant with his child. I can't even begin to describe my feelings on faking birth control. It's wrong PERIOD. There is no excuse and no other way to look at it. Unfortunately if you keep up this destructive behaviors, your child will end up suffering. I know our country has laws, and yours may too about misrepresenting birth control. Your actions are "malicious intent" or knowingly doing something wrong that causes someone else difficulty in their lives. In this country, if that happened to me, I would be able to have a court order the child live with me, and you visit from time to time. Then instead of having your life style, you'd lose that completely, no money and end up paying me part of your monthly money for your part in taking care of the childs bills.

Your child did not ask to be coming here, with you, so you need to stop worrying about life styles and be a mother to your child.

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A male reader, agony_uncle_r United Kingdom +, writes (9 September 2007):

wow, this has to be the worst thing ive ever ever read on this board. seriously.

you decided to trap a man for money by creating another human life. a human life that will now not feel the love and have the life it so desperatly deserves. i cant believe what mind could do such a thing.

he was a married man, you were cheap fun and you seriously thought this sick act would help you?

i say you do one decent thing and either abort the child or adopt it because theres no way you should be a mother with that kind of thinking

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

He trusted you and you trapped him. It's not exactly a sign of "maturity" or anything else but self-interest on your part.

I wish people could be put in jail for what you did.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

He is married what were you thinking. I know what he was thinking (easy lay) Why do these men not wear condoms they are putting their wives health at risk of aids/sti's. He should never have trusted you about birth control as he can not be trusted himself he should know peopke lie and and cheat to get what they want. You both have loose morals. Stop try to steal others lives and earn your own. He is a cheat and not worth it anyway. Does he and his wife want to bring up the child with their family. I expect he has children. I am the wife in a similar situation who has taken her husband back and Id adopt the his child so it doesn't end up like you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 September 2007):

I agree with the last paragraph of the previous response, but just because you have made a bad start does not mean your baby has to be killed for it. It is now up to you to bring it up well. You must see a solicitor about how much money you should go for. Poor wife of that man, I wonder how she can bear the pain of it. What a stupid, greedy idiot he has been. Perhaps you have learned to make you own way, why not go back to college, instead of trying to take, deceive and plunder from other people's lives.

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A female reader, AylaJ United States +, writes (6 September 2007):

This happened to someone I knew. A child should never be had in these circumstances. I agree with the adoption if not abortion. You're child will have to share with you the life you hate having. Don't force an innocent child to live what you hate. Maybe if you were happy but you might ruin another human beings life.

Now you learned a lesson you can't scheme and force things to happen in your life. You have to EARN it through hard work not manipulation and loose morals.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007):

If you won't have an abortion, give the child up for adoption when it is born.

Someone who can love and care for her/him and give the baby a good life, will adopt the child.

You may love your baby, but obviously you are in no position to raise him well.

Go back to school, learn a skill so as to be able to get a good job. You were foolish to inveigle your boss into getting you pregnant, as you must now realize.

Like it or not, you have to work for what you want.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 September 2007):

The only way you can change your lifestyle is to find a way of getting an education. Then you can find a decent job, work hard and have better choices. Your success would then be dependant on yourself and not someone else giving you a better life. Try and find a way of getting help with childcare, ie a mother/family member while you study or study through correspondence. You want a better life, you will have to work for it.

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A female reader, hlskitten United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2007):

hlskitten agony auntHi

This is shocking tbh.

You will be lucky if you get anything much out of him! His maintenence payments will go straight to the state and you will still only get basic income support the same as every other teenage mum.

How old is this guy?????

C xxxxx

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A female reader, atarisrocks United Kingdom +, writes (5 September 2007):

atarisrocks agony auntwhen the child goes to school get back into college and learn a skill and then get a job to get off the estate

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