A
male
age
22-25,
drewpasc
writes:I think my gf is the one, but there are so many obstacles in our way and she has always had doubts about our relationship. How can I keep us together?How can i giver her faith in this relationship?(her parents are wicked strict, they wont let her date, they have no idea I exist, and this fact is not changing, period)Me and my gf met in college in upstate new york. Im from eastern Ct and shes from ny. i was a year ahead of her and just ended a short relationship when we met. 4 and a half years later and we're still together. But now ive been out of school and still looking for work while holding part time jobs in easter ct. Shes entered law school in manhattan. We were barely seeing each other and for a while i was thinking it was over, i wasnt sure what to do. So her second semester in her parents gave her permission to stay in the dorms in manhattan instead of communting, and we were enjoying the time together in her apartment. (this semester only, she will be at home for the remainder of her schooling)Then i was shocked one night when she called me and said she couldnt do this anymore, she couldnt be my gf, she didnt have time for us, etc, a bunch of true reasons why this was tough. Her life in law school is only getting busier. She has two more years left, so even if i move closer, its still hard with her so busy. Shes still in love with me, but she sees no hope for us, but I am willing to do whatever it takes. I told her id move closer, but she said that was too much pressure, or asked me what if it didnt work out with us and then i was stuck close to her.I mean can we take a break, and still be faithful, can we do anything im very scared of losing her? Her phone call only energized me to go out and get a damn job already. Finals are coming up soon and weve sorta put this "problem" aside and enjoyed each others company. But we're gonna have to talk about it again. And i dont know what to do to give her faith.
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male
reader, drewpasc +, writes (5 April 2007):
drewpasc is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the comments they are appreciated. Guess i just want to add some more info to the situation
Again, i am still unemployed and looking for work, closer to her, but not literally on top of her. I've told her this before when she first called me and she said what you said, it would add too much pressure, and what if it didnt work out? Shes said she doesnt have time for us and in a way shes right...
This summer she goes back to living with her parents (a whole nother issue) and she starts an internship. 5 days a week, 5 yours a week, then she goes to class at nite. Then she studies at nite cuz she only has time then. Then i guess a new semester starts in fall and she has class during the day and nite. So she gets wicked busy.
Update.. We've seen each other for a day or two every two weeks. We still make love, still say we love each other, adore each other, miss each other, in love with one another. This is my fault by the way cuz i just couldnt end it, i asked for this so if she wants to break up at the end of the semester im going to have a lot of great moments to forget about. I have a hard time letting go. I have sorta prepared for the worst, i just cant imagine it. My life is about what i want, or dont want in general, and her life has been very strict, primarily, what she can or cant have. I dont see this, or CANT see this as something i cant have, cuz i want it.
A
male
reader, Royofthe Rovers  +, writes (5 April 2007):
 This is a hard one. On one side you have your commitment to the relationship by moving nearer to her which is great and I have done a similiar thing for a relationship in the past. Even though this is a great sign of your commitment it also puts the pressure on her, which is not a good thing. She obviously has a desire to succeed in a very hectic and stressful work areana, which no-one can fault and there has to be an even balance. Her desire for the relationship has to be in there somewhere as her work ambitions."what if it doesnt work", she will feel awful if you move your life and things dont pan out the way you thought. Talk to her, ask her where she sees herself in years to come? Tell her how much you are willing to do, but only if she can see you in her life as it will evolve. If it ends after everything you do, it will hurt like hell so be prepared for the worst, but also do everything to make your relationship work while you have her attention.
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A
male
reader, nologo  +, writes (5 April 2007):
 There are no relationships without obstacles.
Most people learn however how to handle them.
I am giving advice to you, not to your gf, so let's not discuss her parents here.
Well, go out and get a damn job already to be closer to her way of life so to say.
Next, this will be tough for two more years before she is done with her law school.
If you manage to be with her this long, she may reconsider your role in her life.
Personal system of values is a flexible thing for most people.
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