A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been dating a girl for around 2 months now. We met on Tinder and in terms of interests we actually have a fair bit in common (mostly music).So we've essentially been going out on a date every week. So one date a week. There was one week we didn't manage which was due to her being on holiday but all in all we've had 7 nights out.When we do go out everything seems very coupley. We kisss we hold hadds when walking from place to place and we've had sex.The last date was a bit of a mess. We were meant to go out on the Monday of last week and when it came to meeting up I waited at our meeting point and then kept waiting. An hour after we were meant to have met up I gave up to go home.During that time waiting for her I gave her a couple of calls and dropped her a text or two.Now on the plus side I did get a reason for this. She did send me a text message to cancel and I didn't get it. I know this as she apologised a lot for it and showed me what her phone was showing which was that she sent the message. She couldnt make the date due to an emergency with a friend.So we went out on the friday instead and from the start it seemed like a normal date for us. We went to a show, we kissed for a bit while waiting in the queue. And then after the show we went to a bar. This is where it differs from normal. She was texting her best friend and he was out that night but on his own so she asked if it was okay for him to join us. I said yes because in that situation saying no would look bad and maybe it was a good sign that she was comfortable to be around me and her friends. And who knows maybe it'd be fun; after meeting him he seems like a nice guy.So when he came we all talked for a bit but then the conversation becamse stuff they did in the past and not stuff I could really join in with.So the night ended. I got a kiss and a hug goodbye (first time she kissed me in front of a friend of hers; I dropped her off to meet a friend once before and we awkwardly waved goodbye then) and they went their seperate way home (they live next to each other, Im on the other side of the city).I guess there's a little bit of concern for me that we didn't talk as much that night out.So one of the most notable things about this girl is that communication with her outside of dates is pretty bad. I've sent her texts in the past that have gone ignored and I've made attempts at conversations which have not went anywhere.I've resorted to mostly organising things through facebook as then I know she has seen the message. We've managed conversations outside of dates before but this week seems worse for it. I tried to organise another date but she couldnt make the date as she had plans (I believe her on this as she did say specifically what they were) so I asked her when she's next free and that got not reply. In fact according to facebook she hasn't even looked at it.I noticed she was going to a concert; and it's a band that I like (liked well before knowing her and we've talked about them) so I put on the page that I was going and then noticed checking later that she changed it to that she might go.I guess I'm essentially adding things up and it seems like things are going to end soon judging from small hints. I do like her but this constant lack of communication inbetween dates is constantly concerning me. I don't want to message her today as I feel like that would come across as needy.I feel like if it does come to an end I'd deserve at this stage some notification on it but I'm concerned that she's just going to go silent and hope I notice.So does anyone have any advice on what I could do to improve my situation?
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best friend, facebook, on holiday, text Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you and everyone else for your help
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): That sounds like a good move.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionTrue that seems to be the case. I'm going to arrange to meet up for coffee on Monday and if she declines then I'll just say my peace and end it there. If she accepts then I'll discuss with her the entire situation and how I see it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): Nothing anyone here can say, can be certain. We can only go by the information given to us. I put your own words in quotes; and that is what I've based my advice and opinion upon. So the phone thing was legitimate. You've established that. You're the one feeling she's going to go silent. So you must not be getting much of a vibe she's making much effort to show you she's into you. You've run out ideas. It's up to her to confirm how much she likes you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi wiseowle. She has proven that it was a fault with her phone. She apologised constantly for it.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): I tried to break it to you nicely, but I think CindyCares nailed it. If someone comes up with emergencies aka excuses; and they have phone malfunctions aka ignoring your messages.
Then how many obstacles does it take to add up to " I'm not that interested!"?
It just seems like she's going through the motions, and if she has nothing better to do, why not go out. You organized the date, which means free drinks and the entertainment is on you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Cindy. There was a genuine emergency. I'm aware of what it is I just didn't want to say it on the Internet. I probably would have done the same in her shoes. Her phone was on silent during that time so she missed my calls.
I do agree that it's a bit rude to invite someone else. I wouldn't have called it a romantic date. We went to a comedy show then a bar.
Though I do think I might just be a temporary fix for her until someone better comes along. Doubt it's that guy as kissing me in front Of him would seem silly in that context
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 August 2014):
 Is it just me ?... Doesn't anybody else find something wrong with scenario of girl texting her friends while on a date ( how rude ! ) , and also, inviting male friend to join her ?.. On what is supposed to be a romantic date ? In the " getting to know you " phase "?...
And what about the last minute cancellation ? Yeah yeah, she sent you a text ( but she did not reply any your calls and texts while you were waiting for her... it sounds like she did not WANT to be contacted ). Because of an " emergency " with a friend ?... What is an emergency with a friend ?...In my book, it is an emergency if someone dies, has a bad car accident , ends up in hospital, her house is on fire.... that's an emergency.
If you have already made and confirmed plans with person A,- and then you ditch him because person B wants to cry on your shoulder about a bad day at work, or a bad haircut, that's not an emergency, that's showing person A the middle finger !
She is just not that into you, OP. She comes out once a week to bide her time until she latches on something
" better " ( maybe the friend who joined you on your last date ).
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): What im trying to say is...
Text is cheap.
Call. If she still ignore you? Then simply quit. She's not into u.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): "So one of the most notable things about this girl is that communication with her outside of dates is pretty bad. I've sent her texts in the past that have gone ignored and I've made attempts at conversations which have not went anywhere."
How much effort do you have to make to get your point across that you like her?
It's true what highmaintenance101 says about it not seeming you're interested enough; if you don't pursue with some persistence and vigor. However; as a guy we don't (and shouldn't) have to grovel and beg either. If she ignores you, and conversations aren't going anywhere; sounds more like "she's" not that interested to me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 August 2014): In my own opinion. Im speaking for myself. If a guy is not calling me. His not interested.
I would think diffrently.
If you want me show me.
Your move, to me is just like someone who dates whoever is available.
So why would i take u seriously?
Im the kind of girl who go for guys who is persistent n consistent.
I dont go for guys whi asked me once then date me a couple of times text me sometimes, to me its nothing.
Believe me. But i dont know with other women, i just dont settle for less.
I believe i deserve the best. I wanna be with someone who im sure, is really into me 100 percent.
If your not making your best effort. Lets just not try. It wont work.
I am speaking for myself.
I dont care what others has to say.
So, is shes kind a like me then u know what to do.
Research about her. Is she easy or is she choosy.. her friends and lifestyle can tell u that.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): You have to learn how to date casually. Sometimes it seems there isn't much chemistry between you and someone you're dating. So you pace your feelings according to feedback.
She may be cooling off, so you should allow your feelings to do the same. In many cases, there wasn't enough attraction between you to keep things going. So she is slowly pulling away. I also think she is a very independent person; and you can't always judge anyone you don't really know that well.
It's safe to say, she may not be that into you; and she may be settling you into the friend-zone.
If you've sent messages that get no reply, it's a good indication that she isn't sharing strong feelings for you; but that doesn't mean she doesn't like you.
If the responses you get just don't seem enthusiastic enough; you have a right to let her know you're just moving on.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHey there highmaintenance. I'm concerned with seeming needy because a lot of women see that as an unattractive quality in men. I'm concerned about calling her as she has a rather busy social life and it might come across as forceful to talk to her on the phone when she is busy. Could you possibly advise?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2014): Some people are just not good in words.
Thats why they just give u a silent treatment.
You really dont know this girl that much.
If you really like her then take things slow n try to be more open.
Its ok to appear needy after all your the guy. Plus shes not good in words so if no one will initiate to make a move i guess both of you just forget it.
Your not bf/ gf yet so both really has no commitment to whoever. You may do whatever pleases you n same thing with her. Meaning no one is really required to explain things.
Whats wrong about appearing needy? If you think shes worth it. Your thinking about her. Even asking advice from here. I do think you really like this girl. She makes you wonder.
And your asking advices from strangers what if you try to call and speak to her directly. That would definitely improve your communication with her.
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