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I think my wife is lying about cheating on me

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 May 2012) 8 Answers - (Newest, 23 May 2012)
A male United States age 41-50, anonymous writes:

My wife and I maybe have sex 2 times a month and all of a sudden she feels way too loose ,so much so that i cannot stay erect and I know this is stupid but i asked her if she was using toys or if she was having sex with someone else ,her reply was very very defensive and angry . i can understand her response but she has lied to me about other things before and denied things and i even caught a std from her and she swears she has not cheated . we have been married for ten years and all of a sudden I catch this std and she still denies do anything ! I have been faithful but i am starting to question her faithfulness. I am aware that some std's can remain dormant for a long time. Please help ,we have two children and i think she is lieing to me to keep me from divorcing her and trying to take the kids from her !

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2012):

I am also aware that the vagina somewhat shrinks bck to normal size after sex ,i guess i meant to say that it seems to of been recently penetrated because if we are only doing it 2 times a month then it feels more snug than if say we've been doing it 3x a week, and yeah my doc examined me it is HPV , I have given here the final altimatum and told her to come clean or i am going to leave ... I said the past is the past but from here on in the BS stops and i want the truth or i am gone .. for my health and safety .. and i have been using protection since diagnosed.. boy this is eating her up and i gave her 24 hrs before i expect her answer and i said deserve the honest truth and not a bs line of HOODOO so becareful what you say (no lies) !!I love her and hate her for this at the same time!Thank you to all who took the time to answer, bless you one and all!

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (23 May 2012):

person12345 agony auntSorry there's no way for us to know for sure. Genital warts (if you really mean warts and not herpes) generally don't lay dormant for that long. Usually either they've flared up by then or your body gets rid of the infection (HPV, contrary to popular belief, is not usually a life-long illness like herpes). Clearly from what you've described something fishy is going on and I think it's likely she is cheating or has been cheating. It's probably time to leave. Often gut feelings on this are right.

To reiterate though, vaginas do not change size or shape from sex. Do men's penises shrink when they have sex with a woman who is smaller?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012):

she gave me genital warts--- 6 yrs ago she all of a sudden stopped wanting to have sex with me no matter how many times I tried or asked it was no stop or get away... I was curious and went to her to work one night and waited outside the restraunt and low and behold up pulls a car in the back with 4 people in it ,before i could see who was in it a door shuts and the car pulls away ..i walk up to the back door and all of a sudden here is my wife walking up behind me and when i asked her what she was doing outside instead of in she said she was rolling up her girlfiends car window because it was starting to sprinkle ..mind you i was there for 30 mins and it just sarted to sprinkle and i did not see her come out of the restraunt so i think she was busted... 3 months later she is preg. and one afternoon she tells me she miss carried ... really ... i think she had an abortion because i metioned her faithfulness and said i was gonna do a dna test ..so i think she freaked out in fear and took a pill or somthing... she will denie to the day she dies that she cheated but i am pretty sure she did! what do you think..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012):

Red flag: STD. Well that's your sign, your answer, your proof.

I don't know too much about "looseness" but suffice it to say the STD was a dead giveaway.

LoveGirl

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A female reader, person12345 United States + , writes (22 May 2012):

person12345 agony auntWhich STD? That part is suspicious since you've been married 10 years. I think you should call your GP up to ask about this/possibilities. I suppose it's possible she caught it right before you were married, then gave it to you a few years in and then it lay dormant in you for a few years after that, but it's pretty suspicious. Do you have any other reasons to think she might be cheating?

Feeling looser is impossible from having sex. Sex doesn't expand or stretch a vagina. Childbirth, yes. Sex in any amount with anyone, no. It's probably more likely that instead of feeling loose, you're mentally having issues with trusting her (understandably) and it's making sex less enjoyable.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2012):

Hire a detective. If the other guy has a wide penis, yes it can change and feel loose. At least in my personal experience. The vagina is very elastic but it can mold to a mans size and shape. Research it online and you'll see.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (22 May 2012):

Honeypie agony auntI don't think your wife will be "loose" from having sex with someone else. that is not how the vagina muscles work. It's more likely from having 2 kids more then anything.

When you got an std, what kind was it and was she checked too?

There has to be other things besides her "feeling" looser that makes you think she is cheating.

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A female reader, Honeygirl South Africa +, writes (22 May 2012):

Honeygirl agony auntSorry hon, lots of red flags here!! It does sound like she is cheating on you.

Time to do the detective thing and find out if she is cheating, then confront her with the evidence.

You dont say which std she gave you. Think of it this way, she is having UNPROTECTED sex then having sex with you thus putting YOUR LIFE at risk.

You need to make up your mind, if she wants the marriage then she is going to have to do some hard work to get your trust again. Marriage counselling will definitely help. If she doesnt want marriage counselling and downplays whatever evidence you have got, well sorry to say but that is the answer. Divorce.

I would suggest you use a condom if you have sex with her, also go to your dr and have a full set of std and hiv testing done.

Sorry you are going through this.

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