A
female
age
16-17,
anonymous
writes:Well first of all, hi there! :)Anywho, the question pretty much sums everything up, I believe there could be a chance that my teacher likes me. I know myself that I have strong feelings towards him and I can't exactly say it's a crush because I've never had these feelings for a guy (or girl) or had a boyfriend before - I'm not socially inept, it's just that I feel that right now my education is the most important thing in my life. It's not just a physical attraction that I have towards him, it's more so his personality. Another thing, just because I am attracted to him doesn't mean I'm desperately looking for signs that aren't there to convince myself. ;)when I first met him, I had this overwhelming desire to get to know him. He teaches art - my favourite subject. He knows that I also want to be an art teacher and we often spend a while talking about it. He just intrigued me so much, we also share the same birthday, I found it really bizarre in a cool way :PAnyway let me get on to "The Signs"At first, my friend and I left the classroom and she said to me "He always seems to tease you all the time" and I merely replied "oh really? I didn't really notice". However the next day I did pay extra attention, sure enough I realised that anytime he was explaining things to the class he always looked at me and nodded at me as if it was a 1 on 1 conversation. Coming on to the present time he still does this, I think it could be worse though because I find myself subtly looking at him too and when I'm painting I look up and find him staring at me, he'll notice that I've sort of "caught" him and he'll look away abruptly and glance back a few seconds to see if I'm still looking at him or he will smile, shake his head and roll his eyes as if I have done something wrong to make me laugh.He decided that the class would do portraiture so he said that he would take our pictures and print them out for us or we could choose to use a mirror, I chose to use a mirror and he insisted that I have my picture taken anyway just incase I changed my mind - although everyone else who used a mirror didn't have to have their pictures taken.Furthermore he drew that picture of me as an example for the class.I stay after school often because of an art deadline coming up, he told me I was welcome to come up at lunch and after school to work on my design. After school he said to me "(my name) I'm not being weird but do I have paint of my behind?".I was wearing a very noticable headband - I mean, it was bright purple after all. He said to me "what's that?" and my friend replied "it's a headband" and even though she told him he still moved my fringe out of the way anyway and looked at it. He also said my hairband was cute - I have to wear it often at school because I have a sort of alternative hairstyle which is long with short layers at the top so when I want it to look normal I wear a hairband. (not the headband)He said we would be cutting out pictures using the cutting knives and a cutting board and once he told us he went and got me the biggest cutting board and a brand new cutting knife and set it all up for me and he didn't do this for anyone else.I also needed a picture so at home I put it onto a memory stick and in class I asked him "are there any colour printers I could use" and he said "Nope that's the school for you, but you can put them on my memory stick and I'll print them off at home for you". After doing this someone else asked if he could do the same for them and he said no. This was sort of embarassing because the person asking whispered to his friend "well he done it for (my name)"Parents evening is coming up in a few weeks and he said to the class "I never give anyone a bad report so you're all ok, apart from (my name) she'll be getting a totally rubbish report because she's such a trouble maker" and he rolled his eyes and smiled at me.Whenever he writes comments on the back of our drawings and such, he always writes my name really fancy and puts smiles on the back of it and such. When I looked at my friends hers was pretty much scribbled with no smiles or anything like that. Which she loudly pointed out to me and I could see that he looked up and was looking at me.When he collects homework, he says our name and we basically just bring it up to his desk. He called my name and I handed it in. He said "wow (my name) this is absolutely stunning, the best piece of homework this year hands down"Last week, was the first time ever he acted negatively towards me. He said "We ALL need to speed up, and I'm not aiming this at anyone in particular (my name)" He didn't look at me for the rest of the period, I'll admit I was sort of hurt about it. At the end he asked me to stay behind. So I stayed behind and he said "I'm so sorry about the way I acted earlier, you're just a little perfectionist. I want you to do the best that you can do obviously but you do need to speed up a little, it doesn't matter if you don't like it, you know I will, I wasn't having a go at you" and he smiled, I smiled back and was just about to walk down the corridor and he said "It's so weird, you just remind me of well..me when I was at school"He also put on Phantom of the Opera for us to watch, there were plently of empty seats around the class (we get some autistic people in the class and they are often out doing other activites). My friend was moved class due to a mistake in her time table so there was nobody next to me. He came up and asked if he could sit there. I said "yeah it's fine" and smiled. He sat there and for the rest of the period he would say things to me about the movie and when he wasn't I could see he was watching me. When the famous kissing scene ocurred he looked at me and said "aww". I didn't really think much of it but when I looked up reviews for it, I found this.."But the story of the forbidden love between the cellar-dwelling, deformed musical genius and his young pupil has remained a favorite for audiences who want to shed some tears even to a musical score. "Coincidence? Or am I merely looking too much into it?When I was drawing (just before my friend switched classes) I chose a black rose and we both shared it to draw. At the end I handed it back to him and he kissed it very theatrically and smiled at me.He also brushes past me often, we're not big people and there is plenty of room, there really is no need for it to happen but he still does it anyway.Last week he was at one of the sinks washing paint palettes and I went down to the paint drawer (to the right of him) and got some white paint and took it to my table. I could see him watching me and he discreetly stood in front of the paint drawer which meant that I had to interact with him in order to put the paint back.On Friday, someone from my class and I stayed behind to work on our designs and he was photographing still lifes, he asked me if I would hold up the cloth so he could take a picture of it and he held both corners so I basically had to touch his hands in order to hold the corners, he also asked me to do it again for the next one, the same thing happened. Then he asked me again - I was behind a table so I walked around and the other girl jumped over the table to do it and he looked up and he sort of made a face at her (she couldn't see him) I could see he was a bit dissapointed about it though, he didn't hold the cloth up for he to hold. That same night he spoke to me for about 35 minutes about university and everything he did at university, he pulled my chair from underneath my table (I wasn't sitting at it) and he sat on that. I thought that was kinda weird because there were at least 6 other seats closer to him than my own.Whenever he goes around helping people, he goes around the class so people who are too shy to ask for help can get help. Whenever he gets to me he says "it's (my name) time again" and smiles. He also draws examples of things for me and gets them when he's coming to help me. At lunch someone said to him his drawings were amazing. He laughed and said they were rubbish, he then said "If you think mines are good you should see (my name) they put mine to shame". I then said "You've got to be kidding me, your drawings are absolutely amazing, you can't say the shell you drew for us wasn't amazing or the flower. He then said "and the one I drew of you for the class" and I didn't know what to say, I nodded and smiled. When we recieved our interim reports the scale is 1 = the worst, 6 = the best. He asked us to come up and choose for ourselves and choose a target overall grade. I came up and he said "ok I'll let you choose" I picked 4 for them all and a B for my overall target grade, he said "you've got to be kidding me, you're way too modest, let me make it easy for you and he put them all at 6 and an A for my overall target grade. I was the only one in the class who he put an A down for in my overall target gradeSo I guess you've probably stopped reading by now, sorry! :) I'll stop there.Anyway, would I be right in assuming he has feelings for me? He isn't a paedophile or anything like that. He's the nicest guy I've met, even my friends think he is nice. He's 27.I badly want to get over him, I guess a good point is that I am working extra extra hard but I don't want to end up hurt. I wouldn't do anything to jeoporadise his position a a teacher anyway, he is too passionate about art, he would be devastated. Plus the fact is that I am 16, I wouldn't even consider telling him until I am 18 and have left school, and at this time hopefully we would still be in contact. He is also single, so I'm not hurting anyone here, if he did have a partner by the time I would accept that he didn't like me and I would not tell him and hurt his partner.So I guess the questions are..Would you say he has feelings for me?Should I make anything of them once I have left school if it continues like this? After all, I don't have anything to lose.If no to the above, what should I do to try and get over him? I am not willing to switch classes because we are too far into the year and it would mean that I would get a new english teacher too, I don't want that because she is a great teacher with the highest percentage of pass rates and the other teachers of my year aren't exactly that good.Thanks for taking the time to read this essay like question, you don't know how much I appreciate it!
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crush, kissing, my teacher, period, shy, university Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady + ♥, writes (9 November 2009):
I still feel the same way; his behavior is to the nth degree the same as my teacher's was in the early days. This is what happened with my teacher;
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/the-truth-about-teacher-student-relationships.html
This isn’t to say yours is the same, but they certainly started off the same.
A
female
reader, marieclaire  +, writes (8 November 2009):
 yeah he sounds like a pervert actually. and perverts seem normal! that's how they get away with it
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMysterious blonde lady, I have looked up sexual predators and he really doesn't fit into any of the descriptions or characters. I really don't believe he has bad intentions, I think you would have to be in his company to understand what I mean, I mean he is 27 and went to see toy story at the cinema about 2 weeks ago and fantastic mr fox..haha :)
A little update of what he has noticably done over the past week - since you want me to get back to you :D
He asked me to hold up the cloth again to take pictures of it, once again he held the corners so I would have to touch his hands to hold them
We were also discussing the reasons why I was unhappy in art last year and why the teacher would send me outside and he said "I just dont understand why anyone would not like you, you're so bubbly and you're always smiling, you have a beautiful personality, I just don't get it, I find it disgusting to know that you didn't enjoy art for a year because of this teacher"
^-- that was after school by the way.
The next day in class he stood next to me and watched me draw a tree for 10 minutes,I'm pretty sure it was me he was watching instead of the actual drawing.I think he noticed that my face went red though. None the less he stood pointing towards me making it clear that he wasn't just up the back addressing the class (which he does often because he ALWAYS seems to be up the back near me!)
He also said "So who in the class isn't going to the school dance, (my name) you're not going are you? I'm dissapointed" and he smiled, rolled his eyes and shook his head at me again
On thursday, he and I talked for the entire period about movies and such, we figured out that for the past 5 years we've been going to the same pantomime every year and we talked about that for a while and he said "You are the strangest girl I have honestly ever met, there is just something about you..it's strange" and he smiled
So I guess that was a little update on things..:)
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A
female
reader, mysterious_blonde_lady + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
Ok;;; I disagree with everything that has been said. This teacher shouldn't be singling you out the way he does. I would agree that he obviously likes you, thinks you are a good student etc... but what you have said to me suggests he treats you in a that is 'higher' than you feel you deserve. This interests me, it also interests me how much detail you have put in, this shows this teacher's behaviour has had a profound effect on you. I'm not surprised! It isn't professional the way he is behaving, and not healthy either. I could be wrong, but it worries me that this teacher is behaving as you have described, you are legal age which makes it less concerning; but he is in a position of authority. I had a teacher very similar to yours - he started off that way. He was very nice to me to start with and he changed over time and eventually made me aware that the things he did for me were not for free. I'm not saying your teacher is like this, but i am saying that it is impossible to tell; the teachers that prey on students are often very nice, very kind and endearing and quite often popular. As demonstrated by the affect it has clearly had on you, teachers should not behave the way he is. They are not to single out students, to acknowledge someone as your best is one thing, but he is doing more than that and this is clear. I don't feel you are reading too much into it, i think you should continue observing the behaviour because it doesnt sound right to me.On another level DO NOT worry about 'jeopardising' his career. Don;t worry at all about this, he will have had it drummed into his head teacher/student bounderies. He is an adult very capable of 'controlling himself' and if he chose to do anything less than professional it would HIS FAULT and ONLY his fault. Also; i find that often teachers do have affairs with students and what happens is the student's life gets trampled the teacher carries on working there. I;d find out if i were you, if he has any other favourites in other years, if he has always had favourites. Also; lookup 'sexual predator' on google and look for the telltale signs. If he has any of them don't ignore it. Please get back to me xx
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A
female
reader, kitty_3  +, writes (2 November 2009):
 awww! it's so cute that i wish there was more!!! :)
to answer your question, i think that he does have feelings for you and you're age difference isn't big enough to be an issue in my book.
it seems to me that when the time comes he'll come to you and make it clear that he wants you to be together, though if he doesn't because he doesn't want to be seen as grooming you, then you should.
go for it! and good luck
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A
female
reader, marieclaire +, writes (1 November 2009):
i think he likes you as a student you're probably his favourite. he is proud of your artistic talent. but you are definitely definitely reading way too much into his actions. i really don't believe he is attracted to you. and i think once you've left school you'll see this and forget all about him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you Honningkanin.
I guess you're right. I probabaly looked too much into it. I am a deep thinker after all. Who know's? I'll just enjoy being his friend, I'm happy with that if that is what he see's me as I guess :P
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A
female
reader, HonningKanin  +, writes (1 November 2009):
 Q)Would you say he has feelings for me?Ok, I read all of what you wrote intently for something other than what can be classed as a teacher having a student they like and are proud of. I have had a physics teacher like this and his interests in me were purely platonic and academic. He took pride in having his students who excelled in his field and would pretty much do anything for them to help them.Nothing, I mean not one iota of what you wrote, leads me to think this teach has any amourous feelings for you. He is being nice to you and friendly. He probably sees you as one of his "friend" students because you get on well, but most definately nothing more. You are reading into things WAY too much. I mean REALLY too much.Q)Should I make anything of them once I have left school if it continues like this? After all, I don't have anything to lose.Nope you are right. The only thing you may lose however is the rapport you may have with him now. I honestly dont see what you wrote however as anything more than a teacher taking an active interest in one of their students. It may be he is found of you and possibly his favourite, but again that may change if you keep contact with him after you have left school. Right now I am sure he has nothing loving on his part for you.Q)If no to the above, what should I do to try and get over him?You dont HAVE to get over him. You can still have the feelings you have for him, but you HAVE to realise they will not develope into anything more. My advise would be to hold on until you are out of school, if you must, till the student teacher conflict is not an issue.HonningKanin
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAnother thing I'd like to say, my school is very strict in many senses but a year ago our technician actually started dating one of the 6th years straight after she had left, and nothing was done about it, so I think in that way it would not cause legal problems after I am 18 and have left school.
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