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I think my straight friends has feelings for me. What shall I do?

Tagged as: Friends, Gay relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 October 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 18 October 2017)
A male India age 36-40, *erifyme writes:

my straight friend is giving weired signals and i am really confused regarding

6 months back i went to a shop where i met this guy for the 1st time and almost on my 2nd or 3rd visit we became friends. In another 1 months we became good friends. Friends who meet daily and spend atleast couple of hours in a cafe talking about everything and anything.

During the 2nd month of our friendship he told me that i am one of his closet friends and that he is lucky to find me. That he cherish our friendship. 

We both are frequent travellers in regard to our respective business. 

Irrespective of where we are we are constantly in touch via chat and call.

This month as well he said that he never thought he will find a person such as me that too when he is in his mind

Till date he has texted me i love you 4 times out of no where. In which on 2 occasions he has added brother. Having said so he has never said i love you face to face.

He has a habit of using the word brother

Couple of months back he got seriously ill and that was the time i realised that i have strong feelings for him. Feeling that of more than friends and stuff. Feeling as if i love this guy.

He sounds like a straight guy. I can sense that by his words and attitude. For him even i am straight guy.

Should i take these as hints which he does:

1. Over text chat he has told me i love you too much twice which i jokingly avoided 1st time. 2nd time i played as in who said, i am not aware, is that so to which he changed topic.

2. He doesn't care about anyone else when i am around. We generally meet one or one or max there is another common friend of our with us. But he is occupied with me mostly.

3. Inbetween he looks in my eyes and when i look back he looks away

4. Every now and then keeps complimenting me.

5. Now a days he isnt bothered he is happy to make eye contact with me. He smiles a lot.

6. Earlier he used to touch me on my shoulders and thights, head, hair regularly but one day i asked him to stop since i had no feelingsfor him that time. So now he doesnt.

7. When i am sad he keeps asking about my concerns. And tries to cheer me up by talking every shit possible.

8. When i don't meet him or talk with him for couple of days i can feel his concerns. But he won't  message me or call me untill 2 days.and when he calls is clear that he missed me

9. Last month he asked me infront of our friend what if i had meet you before ur marriage. What would have you done than.

10. He sends me kiss emo's daily.

12. He even sends gifts for my daughter

My concerns:

1. He keeps on telling me the girls he has fucked in past. Last time during my trip when i didn't speak with him at all. He only messaged to know about my whereabout. And 3 days later messaged me he just returned after fucking a girl. This was the 1st girl he fucked since our friendship. I feel he did it bcoz of fustration.

3. He is single and very attractive and is doing very well for himself.

4. He hardly contact me 1st via text or calls. Its me who takes initiative always. But he replies always.

5. He tells me about everything thats happening in his life. Even the most private ones which he wouldn't to his other friends. 

6. Last 2 times when we meet he asked me directly aren't you attracted to girls anymore.

7. He introduces me to every1 even his family. If we happen to meet them at some place.

8. He is extremely busy all the time and doesnt contact me 1st throughout the day. If we haven't spoken for more than 1 day he will call me and explains his reasons indirectly. Its evident that he too did miss me.

9. For no reasons he gives gifts to me.

10. I directly asked my friend does he has feelings for me. Even my friend is confused.

11. There are times when he regards me as brother. But i feel this is to test my patience. Ever since i told him not to regard me as brother he has stopped that.

His staff at work are also fond of me. Everyone thinks we are private.

He and i start and end our day with morning and night message. He says he wont marry ever. But i know he will.

He is very happy when i am around.

He keeps making future plans that are way too ahead.

When i tell him who knows we might not be friends in future. He gets angry and changes the topic.

Kindly suggest what should i do.

Is he really interested in me as a lover or he takes me as his brother.

I don't want to loose his friendship.

What should i do.

Am sure off lately he knows i have extremely strong feeling for him because i am dropping hints Inbetween.

But should i make the 1st move or not.

I have no one to ask.

Can 2 men in there mid 30's become such great friend within 1 month.

I have never said i love you or send love emo's to my straight friends ever.

View related questions: at work, I love you, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2017):

i don't think you should tell him. let him come to you and tell you if he has feelings for you. if you tell him and he does not your friendship will suffer. But if he tells you then it will be mutual for sure.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (11 October 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntAre you married with children? If you are then I would stay away from him as am sure you don't want to lie and cheat to your family. If I picked that piece u wrong and you are in fact single then talk to him about how you feel and be honest, only then will you know the truth.

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A male reader, Denizen United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2017):

Denizen agony auntIt is difficult to know in your culture. I am told that in some parts of Africa men hold hands simply because they are friends. What is it like in your culture? Are you trying to read more into this than is there?

The obvious thing to do would be to come out to him. It is a risk but perhaps it is the only way to know for sure if your relationship might develop. Just don't put your personal safety at risk.

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