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I think my husband is spending his money on a woman. He's always broke!

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 July 2011) 2 Answers - (Newest, 11 July 2011)
A female United States age 26-29, *hristian writes:

I think my husband is cheating on me. I just had a baby 5 weeks ago so im still unable to have sex. Well he complains about it all the time...he has a exstreamly high sex drive. Ive cought him watching dirty movies up to three times in one day. Here latly he has been looking at porn on his phone...alot. Well why i think he is cheating is he has alway got some where to go everyday. And we live pay check to pay check right now and money just "poof" disapears and he dont know were it goes. Once it was 30$? He has a cigerette and gas buget of $65 a week witch is a pack a day and ten dollars a day for gas. Well he gets paid on friday and by monday his budget is gone and he has to borrow money. And theres no money left for doc appt. Emergencys or to get to the grocry store. I think he is spending it on a female.

View related questions: money, porn, sex drive

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A female reader, Ampersand Canada +, writes (11 July 2011):

Ampersand agony auntFirstly, congratulations! Talk to your husband and ask him how he's feeling and what's going on with him, I'm sure he's also feeling a little overwhelmed. A baby is a huge adjustment and if he's acting distant or differently it could be because of these huge life-changes. I wouldn't yet accuse him of seeing another female, as there's no solid evidence. He might very well have somewhere to go everyday because he hasn't yet adjusted to these changes at home and feels as though he needs to get out (he could feel restless or stressed). Just talk to him and see what's going on, speculating is just going to hurt your relationship, you need to communicate.

Make it clear to him that you now have a baby and this baby needs to be provided for. Start insisting on a written budget; you can download free budget-templates online. Make him account for every penny spent and ask that he includes the receipts and of course the same applies to your purchases too (this isn't to monitor him but to insure that the budget can be balanced and spent money accounted for). My husband and I use this system and it works really nicely. You need to work out how much should be allocated to bills, groceries, baby's required items and what you should save, for things such as emergency visits and doctor appointments (so you really need to have money put aside).

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 July 2011):

Or he could just be extremely poor with managing money...I have often noticed that the more money we didnt have, the more an ex seemed to want to spend...And it would mostly be on food/sodas or impulse buys, such as a t-shirt, a calendar, whatever. He is a big fan of classified ad sales too. I cant even tell you how many times he came home with some useless thing when we would be groveling for change in the couch cushions.

It doesnt always have to be the worst case scenario, but you could do to keep your eyes peeled. The large amount ($30) does seem excessive and worrisome IF it came up missing in a 24 hour period, and not over several days. Would he happen to have an issue with drinking or drugs?

As far as porn goes, well, Im not too keen on it either, but I guess women now are supposed to be accepting of it. It really is up to you if it is a deal breaker or not. The good news is that at least he is complaining about NOT getting to have sex with you, instead of not even bringing it up at all!! THEN I would worry a little.

Good Luck, and just keep your eyes open. I know its hard, but try not to think negative, only positive unless you have hardcore proof staring you right in the which case, you must already have the answer to this question ready: If it were other women, are you ready and fully prepared to leave and not look back?

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