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I think my husband is gay, what now?

Tagged as: Age differences, Gay relationships, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 January 2010) 2 Answers - (Newest, 24 January 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, *hinn writes:

been with a guy 3 yrs,married for 2,i am 45 and he is 27. most all his girlfriends have cheated on him and he moved from another state to the one i live in. before we got married i complained of not enough sex, a week before we got married at a bar a guy kissed him and all he said was " did you see what he did". later his brothernlaw said back in his hometown a guy kissed him. in our 2 yr marriage we have had sex bout every 4 months, he does not seem to be into it, oral sex 3 times and french kiss 3 times. he is a manly man, likes to tinker with trucks and yard work. does not like sports/hunting. likes to cook, go antique shopin, listens to classical and hard rock music. i found a picture of a penis he had drawn. is he gay?

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A reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010):

Well as the classic saying goes, "if he's not getting it from you, he may be getting it somewhere else"...This isn't to say that he's gay. It is, however, quite suspicious of a "manly man" to simply brush off a man kissing him and draw a penis...Also, I would be concerned by such a young man having such a low sex drive. Not to say it doesn't happen but that strikes me as very, very odd.

Talk to him. Communication is key to getting to the bottom of this. Be forward. Be direct. Ask the questions you want answers to without judgment/accusation/presumption...and LISTEN to what he tells you. Don't try to draw conclusions in between the lines or let him off easy or give him excuses. Be prepared for the best but also ready for an answer you may not like...

Good luck!

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (24 January 2010):

If he was gay, why would he have married a woman?

He may well be bi-sexual.

If the sex thing was a problem before you married I have to wonder why you committed to him, knowing he has a low sex drive? Some people are not really into sex that much.

The best thing you could do is talk to him and ask him how he feels about men and women.

Good Luck!! xx

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