A
female
age
36-40,
nicegirl
writes:I worry that my friends take advantage of my kindness and take my friendship for granted, perhaps I'm being too sensitive, but it feels they ask far more favors than they do and they often forget to show their thanks. I have in the past tried talking to some of them about this but have not been very successful. I know I am not very confident, but I am trying to work on it and don't want to be a doormat. Still, I fear losing them and being lonely...any good advise welcome. Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 September 2007): I think it would help you to read this article. It would also help you to hold yourself in a higher regard. You know the saying, "Treat others as you would want to be treated", well you should not let others treat you like you don't want to be treated. I'm adding this link for an article titled "You teach people how to treat you!" I think this will help. Good luck, and God Bless.http://www.reallifecoach.com/teachpeople.htm
A
female
reader, nicegirl +, writes (2 July 2007):
nicegirl is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for the advice...I am seeking ways to be more confident/assertive...and am trying hard not to 'cling' to friends, but still fear being left all alone...but truly thank you for your advice, I know you are right and hope to discover some true friends in my life
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A
female
reader, happytochat  + ♥, writes (1 July 2007):
You can still be a great friend who cares and gives a lot, without being taken advantage of and walked all over. Its call being assertive, which is something you could look into developing. There are heaps of self help books and web sites out there that talk about being assertive, it means geting what you want without being agressive or taking advantage of others or leting them do that to you.
People will always try to take advantage of you, there a very few who won't. Beleive me, I know, I alike you have had trouble with saying no to people, always being walked on like a doormat. But since a recent class I took at uni on assertiveness I've found ways to change and its really helped. I used to always go by the belief that, if people want to take advantage of me then they are just bad people, why should I change? They shoul change becuase its wrong for them to do that in the first place. But sadly, this will never happen. So you have to change yourself, in order to protect yourself.
So have a search on the web or a book shop for info on the topic of assertivness then you may find some way to help yourself. Alternativly you could think about talking to counsellor who could help a lot too.
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A
male
reader, Jamer70 +, writes (1 July 2007):
 Never do anything for people to keep them as friends. I know what it feels like to have your generousity taken advantage off and its never good. How about you take a few days a pull a your generousity into yourself, do what makes you you!!! If your friends become resentful because your not doing stuff for them. You have your answer that they were never your friends.
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (30 June 2007):
 Please don't do things for people just because you are afraid of losing them as friends, because if they are real friends they will be there for you no matter what you do or don't do for them.
Just like relationships, friendships need give and take and recognition, and if your friends can not see that then they are not real friends.
Take care.xx.
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