A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So once upon a time, I was head over heels in love with this guy named Danny. Then all of a sudden, his parents received new job offers, and he ended up moving to England (I'm in Florida, USA). I was heartbroken.It's been 1.5 years since we've seen one another but we've kept in touch all this time. I'm a senior in high school now, and my senior prom is coming up. Miraculously, Danny's going to be visiting Florida around that time. So plans were made, and now not only is Danny my prom date, but we're spending an entire weekend together. I'm so over the moon excited I can barely wait.The problem lies with my friends. After prom I guess it's customary for you and your friends to hangout and do something. Some people go to parties, some rent beach houses, etc. Danny is a huge Florida Marlins baseball fan, so he and I made plans to go see a baseball game the morning after prom (it's his first ever baseball game).My friends are very upset. Basically they want to rent a beach house after prom and spend the night there. I can't spend the night because Danny and I have to get up early to go to the baseball game. My friends keep saying, "Why can't you just cancel it? He'll understand, it's only a baseball game."I'm very angry with them because of this. They just don't seem to understand. It's not just the baseball game; I want to spend time with Danny. He's in America for THREE DAYS. I haven't seen him in nearly 2 years. He was, and still is, the first love of my life and honestly, if I had to choose between hanging out in a beach house with my friends all day or seeing him, I would choose him. It's not so often he's in America.They don't understand this at all. I think they're being incredibly selfish. They can rent the beach house and do whatever they want, because lots of other friends are going to be there. I know they want to spend time with me after prom because prom's a big deal, but seeing and spending time with Danny is really not going to happen again.I don't know what to do here. Am I the one who's being selfish?
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): Hey. Don't get angry at your friends or accuse them of being selfish. Why do you think they are really asking you to ditch your plans with your boyfriend? It's because they like you and want you to be with them on their special day! You can't get angry at them because they like you, can you? It's better than having no friends!
Just tell them that you are sad that you can't spend it with them but you would rather be with your boyfriend as you haven't seen him for so long and it is more important to you. Tell your friends you would love to spend time with them once your boyfriend has gone.
Of course your friends will feel sad that you arn't going to be with them, but if they are mature enough then they will understand and will look forward to seeing you another time.
Enjoy prom and the time you have with your boyfriend :)
A
female
reader, AskEve  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 I agree with you 100 per cent. In THIS instance Danny comes first. He is only in America for 3 days and he was the love of your life. You'll see your friends at the prom and you'll still be there when Danny goes home. They ARE being selfish... TOTALLY!
I advise you to stick to your guns and do what you had originally planned with Danny. He's a dear friend too and god knows when you'll see him after this meeting. Let your friends know you don't mean to offend them and it's unfortunate that the baseball game is the next day but it can't be helped but don't ask their permission!!!!
CD I think you got mixed up when she said "if I had to choose between hanging out in a beach house with my friends all day or seeing him, I would choose him." I don't thinks he actually SAID that to her friends, she was just telling us aunts here, correct me if I'm wrong on that love okay?
At the end of the day, it's not as if the party has to be cancelled if you don't go, it's still going ahead! You have fun at the prom with Danny and your friends and enjoy your 3 days together. I hope it's very magical for you both and will be 3 days you'll both never forget.
Eve
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): Hi, thank you very much for your reply. I think what I wrote came out wrong. I don't want it to seem like I'm picking Danny over my friends. I love my friends more than anything and I'm very sorry that things aren't going the way they want them to. I meant that for that particular weekend, spending time with Danny is of higher importance to me. I feel horrible for thinking that way, but it's how I feel. After reading your post I definitely do better understand that my friends are hurt. I'm sure I would be too, if I were in their position. I didn't tell them "I'd rather spend time with him than you!" and I was very careful about how I worded things because I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I'm going to try and find some way to talk to them about this without any of us getting upset.Thank you :)
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A
female
reader, cd206 +, writes (25 February 2007):
 I don't think you or your friends are being selfish. Your friends are disappointed that post prom isn't going to be exactly how you've all planned it for all these years and you're disappointed that your friends don't understand how important spending time with Danny is.
I worry from your post (and please forgive me if you think I'm wrong) that maybe your friends think you don't really care that they're hurt about what you're doing. It's a really dangerous attitude to say you would rather do something with a boyfriend than your friends because your friends tend to last a lot longer than boyfriends, especially at your age. Even though in your position I would do exactly the same thing, I can understand why your friends might be a little upset.
The key to sorting out this situation is to explain to them that you're so upset that you can't make their after prom party but you're asking them, as your friends to accept that you've made a decision about this and you'd love it if they would support you. Maybe you could go to a beach house at some point in your summer holidays as a girls only trip or something so that they feel special too? Try to let go of the anger you feel towards your friends. Feeling hurt that they don't understand you is natural but feeling angry will just store up problems for the future. I really hope I've showed you why your friends are acting in this way and that now you know you're able to be a bit more sensitive when discussing your plans. Regardless I hope you have a fantastic time with Danny.
CD
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