A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I think my friend may have stolen from me and I feel awful thinking like this so I need some advice...A mutual friend of ours was getting married and we were both invited to the wedding. Unfortunately I wasn't able to attend as I was going on holiday,however I still got my friend a card and put £75 of vouchers in it for a designer shop which I know both her and her fiancé shop at regularly.Initially i should have met up with the bride to be to give her the card but due to 1 thing and another we were unable to and I don't live in the same town as her so our mutual friend (who does live near her)offered to take it and give it to her.Anyways, after I got back from holiday and my friend from honeymoon we decided to meet up. We talked about the wedding etc... I asked if she spent her voucher, she looked at me blankley and said she never got a card or voucher from me!!When I spoke to my other friend she said that she had forgotten to tell me that she lost them!!! She seemed genuinely sorry and said she searched he car, house, everywhere for it but didn't know where it got to!In the end I ended up getting another card and another £75 voucher to give them.What has made me suspicious is that my friend (who lost my voucher) posted on her Facebook the other week that she had treated herself to a pair of designer sunglasses (the glasses were from the same shop I got the vouchers for). When someone asked where she got the money from (she is constantly broke) she said she didn't realise she had some money left over. The glasses cost £95 so I'm guessing she used my £75 voucher plus put her own £20 in....I don't know whether to confront her or not....
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (18 August 2014):
 I agree. This is no friend and I do think she pocketed the voucher herself.
If she really had lost it she would have come to you straight away and not offered, but gone ahead and bought a new voucher with whatever funds she had.
Not only did she steal from you, she could have created an issue between you and the other friend who thought you'd completely ignored her special day.
Even if she really did lose the voucher, she had to know how this would look. She wasn't even concerned about the appearance of impropriety.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 August 2014):
 I agree with Cindy (as usual)
This is NOT a friend. A friend would have called you the MOMENT she found out she lost the envelope, she would have offered to replace the voucher and she WOULD have replaced it.
Your "friend" "acted" sorry by telling you how HARD she had looked for it.. seriously? No, had she been genuinely sorry, he would have replaced the voucher and given it to the couple and told you later. She obviously can afford to shop there and buy 95Pounds sunglasses, so she could have afforded to replace the voucher SHE lost.
I'd honestly NOT spend time with this woman in the future. I think she is full of horse manure.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 August 2014):
 I think that unluckily whatever you decide to do is not that relevant in this case, because anyway you've got to kiss this " friend " goodbye, it's over.
First, she did not act as a friend, if she really had lost your envelope, she should have told you right away ( she forgot ?... yeah, fat chance... ) and ALSO she should have volunteered to give you back £ 75, or at least all she could afford , so that you could replace the gift SHE has lost while it was entrusted to her care .. Of course then, noblesse oblige, you would have said : " No way, don't worry , these things happen " but she SHOULD have offered. And if she had really forgot, she should have offered to fix her blunder once she was made " remember", rather than using her cash to buy new glasses !
That's not just empty, superficial etiquette- since we said you were going to refuse anyway -, that's also the test of what a REAL friend would do. They cause you a problem or a hassle, they'll OFFER to help and fix it for you.
Second, if you can suspect her of being able to screw you over this way, ... so if there was already an element of mistrust, maybe calling her a " friend " is a bit much. Friends are people you can TRUST, that you do trust blindly, by definition. Because both your experience and your gut feelings tell you so.
Some poster say that poverty makes you do bad stuff also to your friends, but I don't know if I would agree, that's , luckily , not my experience so far.
Case in point, I have a friend who is in dire straits right now, due to having to pay for expensive medical treatment for a famiy member abroad. She already did not earn much from her job, and she is literally living on bread and salad now . She is also proud and won't ask for anything, so the way I and other friends have found to help her out is to invent odd jobs ( cleaning, cooking, errands ) which we can pay her for. She has access to my , and other friends', house, and nothing has ever been touched, not a pin, nothing even as minimal as taking a yoghurt from the fridge. But even if something mine should go amiss, I would not, I COULD not, think it was her doing, I'd rather think it was the Martians. Because she is a good friend. If you do not have this level of trust, ... then she is not a friend, she is just an associate . associates are disposable. Safer and better to weed her out at the first signs of anything " funny ", you are not going to lose much anyway.
That's why I do not understand the advise to watch your handbag and hide her valuables when she comes over. Don't let her come over to begin with , who needs "friends " with possible sticky fingers who have to be monitored all the time ?! I hope nobody's social life is so spare , that they'd have to settle for that !.
To sum it up : very wrong handling of the lost envelope issue- objectively strange circumstances of her purchase- and basic mistrust from your side, ( not in the sense that you are paranoid, but in the sense that you don't feel this suspect would be totally absurd and out of character applied to her ) - get rid of her. Better safe than sorry. If she is a thief ,- she is a thief; if she is not, well, she is anyway an ureliable, inconsiderate, self serving type, a kind of friend you can do without.
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A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (17 August 2014):
 I know the feeling...when I was younger, a friend of mind litterally broke into our house while we were all gone and stole all my records(I had a huge collection of 45rpm records that he had known about and he also toke a bunch of things from my parents room and my sisters. I knew who did it but no proof. Like my aged grandmother told me once , "Some people re just no damned good" and she never used those kinds of words so it sunk in. she was right! So sorry for your troubles..but some peple are just no darn good.
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A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (17 August 2014):
 Horrible horrible! I am with intrigued3000 on this and it sounds very fishy to me. If true she should have told you immediately you came back from holiday that she had lost your gift. She is clever and calculating pretending she did not know what was in your gift so she didn't catch herself out value wise and offer to replace it. I have found from experience that when people are desperate for money they can do this kind of thing but it is disgusting. As long as you no longer want to be friends with her then I would share your suspicions with her.
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A
female
reader, Intrigued3000 +, writes (17 August 2014):
 Yes, that is very suspicious. If I were in your situation, I would confront her and let her know your suspicions. Of course she's going to deny it, but at least you put it out there that you don't trust her and this will eat away at her conscience. Don't trust her with anything else ever again. Don't leave your handbag unattended, and if you invite her to your home, hide your valuables.
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