A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Father is making a huge mistake. My Mom died over 12yrs ago and my Father has remained single for the most part. He is now in his 70's and met a woman 30 yrs younger. She is actually only a few months younger than my oldest brother. I disapprove because she won't meet his family. This a red flag for us. Excuse after Excuse. My Dad has met her family but she won't meet us because she is "busy" The red flags are endless she asks for gas money any and to pay for her phone bill they only known each other for 6 months. My dad even has talked about popping the question I'm nervous she is a gold digger. My dad sister is concerned as well she called and told me he didn't act the same when she had dinner with him. This woman seems off. My siblings think this wrong as well but the respect we have for my dad is hard to tell him what to do. Please HELP? I want my dad happy so him moving on is ok but a person who wont take advantage.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): I think you may be right to be worried. If his behavior has changed dramatically, and he is not making good decisions as he used to, he may have a medical issue, like dimensia maybe starting.
Also, if you are very worried about this woman and the possiblity she is stealing/conning/using him or hurting him in any way (physically, financially, psychologically) take a look at the following web site for resources to help. He could be a victim of elder abuse.
http://www.ncea.aoa.gov/
I hope he is well and ok.
A
female
reader, Abella +, writes (7 May 2015):
 There is no fool like an old fool and I am very sorry to say that your father is being manipulated by this woman. Of course she does not want to meet you as you will see how she manipulates your father.Yes it is a major red flag that she is asking for money already.Yes it is a major red flag that she will not meet the family.Is your father in poor health? That is often a real plus for a woman intent on financially abusing a man.Be aware that she will not even need to wait until he dies though to get hold of his assets. If she manipulates him to give her Power of Attorney in case anything happens to him then she can plunder all his assets Illegally while he is alive. She does not even have to get him to change his Will, IF THEY ARE MARRIED, to favour her completely. She can just wait until he passes away without a valid Will and then she can benefit solely due to intestacy.Such predatory women are very active and they are always scanning for a likely suspect.If she has ill intent she may also seek to exclude him from even seeing his family and make herself out as the only one who cares about him.Yet heady with a younger women apparently fancying him and plied with masses of compliments the gullible and vulnerable older men seem to be easily sucked in by very manipulate women intent on getting hold of his assets.But he cannot see it. Last time I heard of one of these close to home the guy was calling his lady his Princess. The word was apt. At the beginning.The woman was all giggles, sweetness and light before the wedding. One month after the wedding she wanted a new home as the old one reminded her of his late wife. Then the car was not good enough and he bought her another one. Then she needed more clothes. When he asked her what she wanted for her birthday she told him - an $8000 bracelet. She did not let up. He gave in to her, foolishly, to keep the peace.Once the money started to dwindle she needed a new bed and chose to shift herself to a separate bedroom, as, accordingly to her, he snored.When he finally saw sense, thousands of dollars poorer, he initiated a divorce. The Judge ordered her to pay him. Thankfully there were no children born.They had been married for 14 months when they finally divorced.He was paid nothing as she said she had nothing as she had had to help her family, she claimed. She got to keep the engagement ring and the bracelet too.Since then the Princess has remarried another man 45 years older than her and she is milking him too. To me it is a form of economic prostitution. But convincing a man of this seems well nigh impossible, until the money runs out.See if you can get him to talk to any guy who have been ripped off by a gold digging woman.Lonely older men are very vulnerable to this type of abuse.This problem needs to be aired and discussed. Problem is that after the man has been financially abused he is often too ashamed to admit he was duped.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (7 May 2015):
 I'm going to go out on my own here and give contradictory advice from the flow of the rest of the aunts, because I actually seriously agree with you on all counts.
My father died as well, and left my mom really set up for the rest of her life. That makes her a mark, just like your dad is most likely a mark for this woman.
A 40-year old woman asking for gas money and phone money and ANY kind of money after knowing your dad for 6 months is a SERIOUS red flag, and I think she is preying on his vulnerability to be honest. The fact that he's actually considering proposing to a woman after only 6 months of knowing her means that his judgment is highly suspect.
She won't meet you guys because she's been at this for quite a while. It's not about becoming part of his life or family. It's about giving him the mirage of happiness while getting financial security from him.
You need to get over how hard it is to talk to him and start talking serious business WITH him. If he's talking marriage with her, tell him that a prenup is absolutely crucial and will separate whether she loves him or if she's simply trying to cherry-pick YOUR inheritance or HIS nest egg.
Your dad IS making a huge mistake. I'd feel differently if she wasn't asking him for money OR if they'd been together for...say...2 years before he started talking about popping the question. At 6 months, he's being manipulated, and like it or not, elder abuse is a rampant, widespread epidemic. Would she be all over him if he wasn't giving her money?? Would he be telling YOU to get married after only being with someone at 6 months? Would he be okay with your partner not wanting to meet HIM? I highly doubt it.
She IS taking advantage of him, and he needs to know that he should be enough for her without paying her to love him. Why do you think QVC is so popular? HSN? They prey on the elderly. Same with gold-diggers. He is lonely, wants someone with youth and looks, and she wants financial enrichment. It is not healthy, no matter how widespread that is. She will seek to not only NOT meet you, but to isolate him FROM you because you'll object to what she's about. That's the next step. Why do you think his sister is saying that he was "off"? 6 months is way too fast.
Prenuptual agreements to protect his property needs to be in place, or she will marry him and take it all. Even if he writes no will, she would be the power of attorney, and it's tough and costly to go after an adversarial spouse after your dad's death, no matter what he said when alive. She'll control it all and you'll see nothing but her running around with everything your dad worked for his whole life.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (7 May 2015):
 A man in his seventies knows a lot about life and is not likely to be manipulated easily. You have to bear in mind that he was a grown man by the time the lady was born.
It is clear to me that the lady is after something; most probably money. At forty-something, she is in her prime, particularly her sexual prime, and I don't think a man in his seventies would fulfill her desires in that area. I am not trying to be nasty, or bad, or hurtful, but realistic. Years go by, and they take something of yours with them.
It is less clear what your father is getting from the deal, but he is definitely getting something. Probably the thrill of being with a woman who is not a granny.
Where you see him being used, maybe he sees himself doing a good business. Maybe he needs no help at all.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2015): It is his choice, even if it may be a wrong one.
Maybe he doesn't care that she's a gold digger? Maybe this very idea is reassuring for him since it gives him some sense of control (he gives her what she wants, she stays).
There maybe many reasons for her not wanting to meet you, from bad ones - she's avoidning you because she's conscious that what she's doing is wrong - to not so bad ones - she's uncomfortable because of the age difference.
He knows that his time is running out. I wouldn't question his desire to be with her, but I would certanly talk to him nicely about his need to marry her. As you fear ect it may not be his idea at all to begin with. Or maybe that is how he will try to keep her by his side.
Who knows...
I know it hurts but there's nothing you can do... except maybe NOT repeat the pattern if you ever findyourself in his shoes.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (7 May 2015):
 I don't know what the motivation your dad has with that woman - just sex or marriage - but I would intervene very strongly if it's marriage situation and I would not let up until I get it my way. If it's just companionship then you probably will not have much to argue about. If it's marriage then script all the talking points with your brother on the age inappropriateness and her being a gold digger then both of you have audit down demanding that your dad follow the accepted age protocol. Keep at that point and once you win some points there then move on to point issues about her being a gold digger. Be sure you have your brothers support and that both of you are there at the sit-down with your dad. In general, I do agree with you that this is not a normal relationship and, like you, I would personally insist if this was my father.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (6 May 2015):
 What if your dad doesn't mind being a sugar daddy? As long as he enjoys feeling young and wanted, he feels spending money is worth it. He feels life is too short to worry about divorce. You know the allure of feeling young and alive again? I've heard people say, "even if this only lasts 5 years, it's still worth it." He knows that the only kind of women who would want to marry him are women who need financial back up, but luckily young attractive ones too. Your dad is willing to help because he knows that if he wants to get with younger women, no one would pay attention to him unless they get financial benefits from him. The reason why she doesn't want to meet you and your siblings is because she feels uncomfortable of the relationship, until there are solid goals made such as marriage. She knows that most people don't approve. She's not going to open that door when most likely she would feel unwelcomed. Her family, however, is glad to meet him because he is a great help to her life.
Who knows? Maybe this younger woman would stick with him forever. She'd better be loyal if she wants the inheritance. Maybe they will be happy. If there is a wedding then you would all get to meet her, regardless of whether you like her. She can't say to her future husband, "don't invite your children." Maybe if you extend a friendly relationship, one day you would look over the fact that she's a young step mom of yours.
In my culture, there are lots of women in their 50's and their husbands in their 90's. They exchange their youth and good sex for a luxury life. Not every gold digger cheats with younger men and plots how to get a rich husband's legacy, like in the movies.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (6 May 2015):
 Your dad is a grown man. He has to find someone that makes HIM happy, not one that makes his kids happy. (though both would be great too).
I'd say unless he asks, I would respect his choice, even IF she isn't whom you would want him to date. BUT I would tell him to slow down a little with the whole marriage thing. Maybe bring up the fact that she hasn't really made an effort to getting to know HIS family.
As for him paying her phone/gas - again HIS choice.
My Dad is in his 70's and dating a "younger than him" woman and at first I thought she may not be a great fit, but she is. She even e-mails me here and there with pictures and we talked recipes, pets and family over the phone and e-mail. I'm GLAD he found someone who is a DECENT human being who bring him happiness and company. He briefly dated another woman (whom I knew and disliked) - thankfully she showed him a side of herself that HE didn't like (she tried to RE-decorate the kitchen (which as ALWAYS been my Mom's domain, so to speak) and when he told her he didn't want it changed she went ballistic. I'm GLAD she showed her true face before he got too involved with her. And it led him to met his current GF, whom he REALLY care for. I don't think they will marry ( I think both are happy with things the way they are) and that is OK by me, AS LONG as he is happy.
Have some faith and trust in your Dad.
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