A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I think my Dads having an affair, I found pictures on his work phone of a family friend topless, he often goes round to their house as he's best friends with her husband. I dont know what to do because I dont know for definate that he's having an affair but why else would he have these pictures??Please help.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2008): I think that my dad is having an affair becuase i have msn and he does and in the chat log viewer it says stuff liek i want sex and soon i told my best mate and she said tell someone i dont want to ruin my family as we live in a oub and are really busy so i dont know when he has time anyway. i dont want to tell anyone becsue i dont want to ruin my family i know i should but i just cant :( i am confused and i hate my dad at this moment he has not being acting differently but still, i am feeling bad for my mother. i dont know what to do the bset thing to do is tell someone i no that i should do, instead of telling you ro but i am scared maybe it will just go away and stuff. i love my family and i am unsure what to doyou do what you want to do i would tell someone i woould ask for advise from a family member or friend but i would tell someone i am planning on it good luck with whatever you do x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Ask him, definitely, you are aged 18-21 so should be able to approach him on an adult level.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2008): Oh yuck.
This reminds me of something I found when I was 16.
I went onto the family computer and found that my father had left a webbrowser open on the website "ashley madison", which I quickly learned was a website for married people to use to connect with others that they would like to sleep with... sort of like a database of everyone in your area who wants to have an affair. He had a profile listing his sexual interests and what he was looking for (casual sex), as well as many messages in his inbox from other women arranging meeting times/places and so on.
I snooped more than I should have and found out things I never wanted to know about my dad (his sexual kinks being one- yuck).
I never confronted him. I pretended I hadn't read it. I am now 20, still never talked to him about it. And it has affected the way I view him in ways I didn't anticipate. I find that I have lost all of my respect for him. I think of him as a dirty old man, and I pity my mother immensely because she has no idea about any of it (this was made explicit by the content of his messages, worrying about "his wife" finding out, etc). And she's been with him for over 20 years. It sort of tears me up inside because I feel like... I should tell, but then it's not any of my business... anyway, keeping this secret has eaten me alive and I always try to distance myself from my dad because I have no respect for him. It's not a good situation.
Now.
I suggest that you ask him about it immediately. If you don't, you will ruin your relationship with him. You'll always be wondering what hes up to, and if hes being faithful, and what kind of guy he is. I wish I had said something when i was 16. Now I have moved out, I just don't think about it but when I am with him, I cant help but wonder if he's still cheating. Maybe if I had mentioned something, things would have been different for everyone. Secrets hurt hearts and damage relationships. Ask him. Maybe ask to borrow his phone one day, and then take a photo of yourself and pretend to review that photo and "Stumble" across those photos right in front of him. Then you can act surprised and say, "dad what the hell is this?".
I dunno. It's tricky to get involved with the sex lives of parents... but your mother might want to know if he is having an affair...
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A
female
reader, chellexxxxx +, writes (30 March 2008):
You havent said if your parents are still together but then either way this isnt right. You need to speak to your dad and ask him outright. The look on his face should confirm things. My dad had an affair and i knew for 2 years and kept it secret because i didnt want to see my mum hurt. However people always find out in the end and my mum is now so much happier and they are both moving on with their lives. Good luck x
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A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (30 March 2008):
 I guess it's true you shouldn't have been looking on his phone, but he's your dad, and I imagine you didn't think you'd find anything that it wasn't OK to see.
It's really hard to tell. What sort of photos were they? They could have been done for a laugh, they could mean nothing, or they could mean something. Problem is, you can't ask him, or his best friend, or anyone, actually. It's a pity you've seen them. The main thing is, you can't possibly conclude just from this that your dad's having an affair.
I don't know. Actually, if it was my dad, I WOULD ask him. I'd say 'Dad - what are these photos?" straight out, and be prepared to take whatever he said, even if I didn't like it. You're old enough to cope. But it all depends on your relationship with your dad.
Yep, the more I think about it, the more I think you can't worry about this - you have to ask him, if you can. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, Friend Tom  + ♥, writes (30 March 2008):
 Well, weren't you being a little "nosey" yourself? It may or may not be a "serious" thing. Though I may not approve of it, it does not necessarily mean he is involved with the woman in any other way. I would say that you should say and do nothing. It may be an uncomfortable thing for you to know, but you will learn many things in your life that show you that people are not perfect, or even the icons of purity you thought they were. It does not mean you should love them less.
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