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I think my boyfriend might be cheating but I haven't confronted him yet. Should I?

Tagged as: Cheating, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (21 August 2014) 2 Answers - (Newest, 21 August 2014)
A female South Africa age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Dear Cupid I have been dating this guy for almost 6 years. We live together. He works for a pool company and is forever driving around to sites. I found a pink envelope in our car in March this year and when I confronted him he said it was money from a client for his boss. Then I started noticing that on Tuesday and Thursday he comes home late from work and all my calls are deleted on his cell phone (only mine). I have also found that when doing the washing I found a blonde hair in his underpants. I have not confronted him as yet as he also go a face book friend request from a blonde woman who I think he did work on her pool. Please help me I am going crazy.

Delysia

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A reader, anonymous, writes (21 August 2014):

Did you save the hair? Before you confront someone for cheating always present solid evidence to support your accusations. Suspicions aren't enough; because they will come-up with reasonable explanations that will confuse you and make you have second-thoughts. They will turn your accusations around on you, and make you feel stupid or crazy.

A hair really isn't enough, nor is Facebook. I'm single. Just waiting in-line at the bank, the grocery store, or the gas station; I come home and find long hairs on my clothing. All I did was brush against some random lady I didn't even know.

Random people can make a friend request on Facebook just because they recognize your face; or someone from your past catching up with you. Deleting messages from people you constantly receive messages from is just making room. You still can't use that as evidence, but you do hold on to it as you build your case.

The important things is. If you feel he's cheating, what are you going to do about it? Just confront him and argue?

What are the consequences? What exactly would it take to make you leave him? These are the things you should think about while you build your case to convince yourself that you know for sure he is cheating, and it is time to end it.

If all you're going to do is have a big fight. Guess what he might do? Just cover his tracks better, and you'll have a continuous cycle of finding stuff, confronting him, and him denying it until the next time.

If you are certain enough and your mind is already made-up. You can sit him down and not even mention what evidence you have. Tell him, you have a gut feeling he has been cheating on you, and you need to know if there are any problems you need to talk about. Suggest that he doesn't offer you a load of bullshit, or brush you off. You wouldn't be talking to him if you didn't know something. Be cool as a cucumber and calm as a summer breeze. Make him wonder what evidence you have.

Then give him the floor and listen to what he has to say.

If he blows you off or won't talk. Pack and leave. That's a confession without words.

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A female reader, Intrigued3000 Canada +, writes (21 August 2014):

Intrigued3000 agony auntFinding a blonde hair in his underpants is pretty damning evidence. If you confront him, most likely he is going to deny it. The only way to find out if your suspicions are true is to do a bit of investigative work (phone records, credit card bills). You can also hire a Private Investigator. Many people may not support these tactics, but if I had employed some investigative work when my ex husband was cheating on me, it would have saved me a lot of time, money and heartache.

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