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I think my boyfriend is in jail. What do I do?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 August 2011) 3 Answers - (Newest, 31 August 2011)
A female Canada age 30-35, *ngie7 writes:

I haven't heard from my LDR boyfriend in 12 days. First off I'll tell you a bit about our relationship. We started talking online 5 years ago but we just met and started dating in January of this year. He lives in the US and I live in Canada but we only live a 2 hour drive away from each other we visit each other once a month last month I was there for an entire month staying with him cause it's summer.

The last time we talked he was on his cousins phone I called him (his phone doesn't have minutes.) We were both very happy from speaking because we weren't talking much on facebook because he doesn't own a computer he has to go to his cousins. A few days later he sent me a message on facebook saying that his cousin accused him of stealing her phone and wont let him over and that I'm his baby and he loves me and will try to message back in a day or 2 but I still never got anything.

I think he may be in jail because his cousin accused him of stealing her cell phone and he had forgotten to pay an open liquor in public fine. His cousins phone also got stolen last month when I was there by some young-ins who were partying there. His cousin always calls the cops, she called the cops for her last cell and she always threatens to call them when someone tells her to be a better parent and there are a lot of other things she will cell them for.

My question is what should I do, I'm keeping calm and not thinking anything irrational, my boyfriend knows I can sometimes but he reassures me. We truly love each other I just don't know what to do because I should be going out there soon. Him and I have secretes, we don't keep them from each other, but we keep them from family. I sent his sister a msg on fb, but I still never got a reply. any ideas on what to do, I'm worried about his well being also because of some things he told me.

View related questions: cousin, facebook, in jail

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (31 August 2011):

RedAthena agony auntYou are speculating the reasons why he has not been in touch.

Since you know his address, send a letter asking him or someone to get in touch with you and let you know he is at least ok. Can you go to his town since it is only 2 hours away?

Let's assume he is in jail. While communications are limited for inmates he would ask a family member or lawyer to send word to you about his state of being.

This situation should have you questioning the legitimacy of the relationship. Maybe he is not who he says he is? (One month does not really give you the consistent time to deeply know someone)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2011):

Don't you have his home address, you stayed there I assume ..or him yours..? Either of you could write a letter you don't need technology for that.

Its that or get in touch with his cousin to put your mind at rest... Or travel to his town and ask

It doesn't sound good I have to say.x

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A male reader, empty-1 United States +, writes (31 August 2011):

Honey, I'm sorry, but this guy and his family drama are bad news. You may be truly worried about him and his well being, and for that I commend you. However, it would be better for your own sanity and emotional well being in the long run of you found somebody else.

It's not the possibility of jail that makes me say that, it's the whole drama with his family. Partying, young'ns stealing from people, downright accusations of bad parenting, and calling the cops a lot are all bad signs, and you need to distance yourself from this bad situation before it blows up in your face!

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