A
female
age
30-35,
*ay1989
writes:About two months ago I discovered on my boyfriends laptop that he had pictures of himself. I thought this was a bit strange and went on to his email and went through his sent items. I then discovered he was sending pictures of himself to other men last year but had stopped in December 2009. This had been going on for a few months and I couldn't handle looking through them anymore so I confronted him. He told me that he hit a low point in his life and had to get confidence from over men because he found it hard to talk to women. I want to believe him but I found that he had been signing up to gay websites last year. We have only been together since March of this year but I really don't know what to do. I really need help because its killing me inside. I love him but is he gay? Could some one please help me?
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 September 2010): He sounds "bi-curious", not gay. I would view him wanting to hook up with guys no differently than if he were trying to hook up with women. It shows he is not happy with you and you alone for some reason. My question would be, what has changed since then to make him stop? Has he REALLY changed, or just buried his curiosities? If the latter, how can you be sure they won't re-emerge later? I don't believe in this "getting it our of your system" crap...once tried, the temptation will probably return unless it was a horrible experience. You deserve a bit more assurance in this relationship. Curiosity is one thing, acting on it is quite another.
A
male
reader, Backwards  +, writes (27 September 2010):
Without a doubt he is gay. You only going looking for gay websites when you have that inclination. He wants to see other men and wants other men to see him. You could put it down to exploring his"other side" but again I doubt it. This exploring comes from behind the scene with friends not straight out gay websites. I'm sorry to say, but he is using you as a cover "I'm not gay, I have a girlfriend" Taking pictures of yourself is OK, but are they naked ones or showing off the genitals? if they are then going to the gay websites, well, gay for sure. But my mind is saying he is gay. If you found a mix of gay and heterosexual websites then bi-sexual he would be, but you still need to know this don't you?
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (26 September 2010):
 Listen, a "phase" is wearing a mullet for a year or joining a biker group or wearing horn-rimmed glasses, not signing up for gay sights and looking at gay porn. Porn is porn, and if he was just looking at gay porn (among straight porn), I would have chalked it up to curiosity and such.
However, the fact that he's signing up to gay sites, sending his picture to other men, and giving you such a strange "reason" for doing so leads me to believe that it's more than a phase. He's taking steps to hook up with guys in the flesh, and that is not something you want to dismiss.
If you noticed him signing up for adult friend finder and sending his pictures to other women, how would you feel about it? You'd be upset, wouldn't you?
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A
female
reader, Ray1989 +, writes (26 September 2010):
Ray1989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut he watches normal porn though. I just think it was a phase and I want to stick by him.
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A
male
reader, der_zyniker +, writes (26 September 2010):
Well did you ask him about the gay dating sites? If not ask him about that. If you have just ask him on of the questions youwish gave. Ask him why he didn't talk to some of his femal friends about his confidence issues.
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A
female
reader, Ray1989 +, writes (25 September 2010):
Ray1989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhat do I do or say then? How do I bring it up? How do I even ask him
again?
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A
male
reader, the_phoenic +, writes (25 September 2010):
i agree on youwish
as any one's choices of porn indicates his
sexual preferances and nature in most of cases imo
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 September 2010): Could be that he was simply looking for easy sex... being gay is about who you're attracted to romantically. He may love you, and had craved a quick and easy blow job (or getting laid).
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (25 September 2010):
Yeah, sure sounds like he's either gay or bi. Who signs up to gay websites and sends pictures of himself to gay guys for self-confidence reasons?? Wouldn't it make more sense for a guy to consult his female friends about issues of confidence in women?!
I think your relationship is doomed, sorry to say. He's got gay tendencies to be sure.
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