A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok so me and my boyfriend have been together for four years now and everything in our relationship is good except for our sex life. In the begin, he had a hard time keeping an erection when we would have sex and it really hurt me and made me question his attraction towards me. I knew my boyfriend watched porn and I thought it was a normal guy thing but I found out that my boyfriend would jerk off sometimes three times a day! which I thought was a lot. So I thought that was the reason for him not getting hard. He decided to stop jerking off as much and things did get better for a while. Over the course of our relationship I had to express to him many times that I wanted to take our time having sex (making love) but almost every time we've had sex it's been quick,hard or he would go limp. I felt like he did not care about my feelings when it came to sex. Also, two times after we have had sex I have caught him watching porn which I thought was weird because hey! we just had sex and now your watching porn? I also have caught him liking girls pictures on instagram and I expressed to him my dislike of it but he continued to do it, claiming that it wasn't that big of a deal. After that I felt like maybe I wasn't his type. Lately, his erection problems have gotten worse and his excuses are either he's tired or I'm being too freaky, excuse me?! Lately, I also have to be the one to initate sex if I want it and sometimes he denies my advances which makes me feel horrible. I don't know what to do anymore, I mean I love this guy but I'm not satisfied with him sexually.
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male
reader, Archie574 +, writes (1 January 2016):
been there..done that.. thank God for porn.. I have had erectile difficulties most of my life and porn has actually been a blessing in helping me regularly have orgasms and after I do I am not distracted by the need to think of sex as much..Alot has to do with your mate.. if she truly understands your difficulties, she will work with you and your problem...it has nothing to do with love or commitment..
A
male
reader, sb4100  +, writes (6 December 2015):
hi, this may be erectile dysfunction, he may need to see a doctor, this has nothing to do with masturbation, personally i had a similar problem before, more masturbation actually helped mine go away. but if he is getting a solid erection over masturbation then it is caused by the arousal of sex upto what he is used to porn, depending on the content he watches.
i personally do masturbate more than 10-25 times a day if alone, normally just one hour in the evening i do 3-6times. its normal for a guy, im only 23, im married but i still masturbate over porn. i even do it after i just had sex and shes gone out, most men are very horny.
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A
male
reader, Been there Now over it +, writes (4 December 2015):
Does this guy not work or have other interests that keep him busy during the day? Three times is a lot. He may have some sort of sexual addiction outside of porn, which is the reason why he watches porn and masturbates so much.
At the minimum, he should be satisfying you as to sex and love, which for most guys don't have a lot to do with each other.
I don't think you are going to change him. Time to find someone else.
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A
male
reader, Garbo +, writes (4 December 2015):
 Your guy likely has had his porn addiction for a long time if he is unable to be aroused so there are 2 things with him: 1) he is addicted to an imaginary erotic stimuli so he is unable to process the real one which is you 2) at 3 times per day he basically mutulates himself, as he is unable to control himself.
If you keep doing what you are doing now, nothing will change. He may admit slightly that he has an addiction but after some acknowledgement he will go back to the same old. This is the same cycle as with alcoholics and drug addicts: they will keep doing it because there are no consequences, leaving you perpetually unhappy.
You could leave him cold turkey and pursue a better guy or you could threaten to leave him unless he gets sex therapy to learn how not to watch and masturbate. You could give him, say, 2 weeks to decide if he wants therapy or not and if at the end of the time he does not choose therapy then leave him. Your third option is to do nothing and be miserable.
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A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan +, writes (4 December 2015):
Yes, 3 times a day is rather a lot. It’s not totally out of the ordinary, but it’s a lot and will go a long way to explaining why he has erection problems. The problem is that his use of pornography has now become problematic. Porn, and what you call “making love,” are very different things. Lots of men use porn as an escape because it’s just pictures and videos of people they don’t know and certainly don’t really care about, made by people who don’t know or care much about the people watching it. There is all the pleasure, none of the work and no feelings or emotions involved. That’s why I hear of a lot of men using porn when stressed, and of course their sex lives with their partners deteriorates at the same time. I don’t know when he started viewing porn, but he potentially did so at a young age and this seems to have shaped his attitude to sex. That cold, unfeeling, mechanical relationship that one has with porn, is what he is bringing in to your bedroom. He seems unwilling for an experience that’s as much about emotional intimacy as physical, and that’s about give and take. If he’s not unwilling, he’s unable to see the difference. Whether it’s with porn or with you, his focus is getting off. In the face of having to make an effort, he instead turns you down and when you have sex at your initiation, it sounds like he’s a selfish lover. You said you’ve confronted him about liking other people’s pictures, but he seems to have dismissed your concerns. I think you now need to go in with a harder challenge. Tell him it hurts you and how it makes you feel. Tell him how unfeeling and unsatisfying your sex life is, and don’t be afraid to tell him that his expectations of sex have been shaped by the porn he watches, and it’s not good. As I see it, you can’t carry on putting up with this. Ask him to make an effort, to be more responsive and attentive to your needs. Ask him to take action and get help if required to curb his use of porn, or better still, to stop it altogether. But do be clear in your mind how long you’re prepared to give him, and walk away if you don’t see any change. It seems to me like he thinks he can get away with it, that you might moan but you’ll put up with it. That’s not a good attitude at all.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): Okay, first of all, a man jerking of three times a day is NORMAL,there are men out there who do it 6-9 times every day that is a normal thing.Secondly, maybe you shouldn't just pressure him into having sex with you, he probably doesn't like when women throw thereselves at him (sounds crazy..but some men can be like that). You seem like you want him to just be ready when ever you snap your fingers,IT doesn't work like that hun, give the man some space.And Please if you want your relationship to Last ,please let the Instagram thing go that is being childish, Just because he likes some pictures doesn't mean he wants to hop in each pu*** that he see's. Oh and here's a TIP: Most men, like when their women watch porn with them,it shows them you can get interested in that sort of thing. SO if you ever by chance catch him watching it, don't hesitate to join him, but when you do,don't and I meant DON'T judge or compare yourself to the pornstars it'll turn him off and ruin his mood.Instead (if his Man hood it out), make your way to it by rubbing & kissing on him to steam up the mood a little bit that might be your solution to his Limp issue.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2015): Girl..Move on...he is a big dolt and you will never be happy with this guy.. You have already done the best to change him. A second option is that you can consult a doctor regarding his erectile dysfunction. But if I was there I would have chosen the first one.
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