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I think my b/f may have slept with my sister -- should I confront him?

Tagged as: Cheating, Family, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 July 2010) 16 Answers - (Newest, 13 July 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 18-21, anonymous writes:

I've been dating a guy for just under 3 years and, up until now, we've been so happy.

About a fortnight ago, I went away for four days to celebrate the wedding of a family friend in Paris. My boyfriend stayed at home. I phoned him every evening. On the second night I was away, when I phoned him I could hear music and people laughing and shouting in the background. I asked him where he was and he quickly told me that he was at the pub with a couple of his friends, but it was his turn to drive home and therefore he hadn't had anything to drink and wasn't having much fun. He seemed quick to get off the phone after that, which was weird. I phoned him a couple of hours later, at about 10pm, and he didn't answer the phone. I was a bit worried but had forgotten about it the next day.

When I got back from my holiday, one of my friends called me and asked if she could come over because she needed to tell me something. She sat me down and, over coffee, she revealed to me something that upset me greatly. On the night that I phoned him, he was actually lying about being in the pub with his friends. He was at the fancy bar/club that has just opened in our area. He was with his regular group of friends, though. My friend- not noticed at all by my boyfriend- was also there with her boyfriend; there was some sort of promotion on drinks going on so it was busy. Also there was my younger sister, newly single, whom I really dislike and hardly talk to; she is 19 and is having "a year out" before going to university. She doesn't work and basically lives off my dad's money, all of which she spends on going out in the evenings trying to find a footballer to shack up with.

Anyway, as the night went on, my friend spotted my sister kissing someone passionately. On second glance, at a different angle, she realised that the guy my sister was kissing was my boyfriend, who had his hands all over her. After about 15 minutes of foreplay, if you like, they quickly said their goodbyes and hurried off together. I don't even want to think about what probably they did next. Upsettingly enough, apparently my boyfriend didn't seem to be drunk at all, although my sister- a lightweight- did.

When my friend left and my boyfriend came home (I've living in his house for about a year now), I didn't know what to say. I have been very off with him since. He wants to know why I don't want to have sex with him, and I just keep saying that I'm too tired or too busy. When I look into his eyes I just can't see any guilt. He acts completely normal about it. I've phoned my sister and she isn't answering my calls. I've phoned my parents, asking to speak to her, but apparently she doesn't want to speak to me.

I just don't know what to do. Should I confront my boyfriend? Should I leave him because he's a cheat? Or should I find out first if he did anything more with my slutty sister than just kiss her, and then decide? I'm sure that they must have slept together, though...

View related questions: drunk, foreplay, kissing, money, university, wedding

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (13 July 2010):

I think you should get both of them together and confront them both at the same time, their both unexpected reactions will tell you all you need to know.

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A female reader, heygirl United States +, writes (11 July 2010):

Don't be too quick to judge, before you make any decisions...confront your sister and bf, then make your decisions from then...the best of luck to you..okay...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

If he has nothing to hide then he shouldn't be worried about anything so just ask him!! If I were you I'd keep who told you anonymous from your bf.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Ask your sister. Tell her someone saw her at the bar kissing some guy that looked like your boyfriend. Her reaction will tell you everything you need to know.

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (10 July 2010):

TimmD agony auntYou've got to ask yourself, is there even the slightest chance your friend was wrong? I'm guessing there is. You shouldn't just walk out and leave without at least getting his side of the story. Have you ever had any remote thoughts that your boyfriend could be a cheat? Has he told you about any past relationships where he cheated or had any bad breakups? 3 years is a long time to be with somebody, you should know him pretty well. Do you think he is capable of cheating on you? Who do you trust more, your friend or your boyfriend.

There are countless things to consider before just running off. Yes, he could be a cheat. But your friend all COULD be wrong. I don't want to say she's making it up... but sometimes people see what they want to see more than what is real. Maybe she was all excited about "helping her friend" that she didn't completely get all of the facts. Was your friend drinking to? Even one drink?

Get the facts, or at least more info. THEN make a better decision. Don't throw away a 3 year relationship that easily.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Why not say that you know that he wasn't where he said he was that night, and go from there. Xx

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 July 2010):

Honeypie agony auntYes I think you should confront him. Unless you plan on living in a relationship with a guy who will sleep around the minute you aren't there, and.. with you sister no less.

Talk to him, try not to accuse him - see what comes up. Watch his body language not just what he says.

I don't know what your deal is with your sister, but if she normally talk to you, you can be pretty sure that she is hiding from you. Which could "prove" nothing other then a guilty conscience.

Trust your gut instinct.

The friend who told you, is she a person you trust and respect?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Why are you still there? he cheated on you with your SISTER, your own family. He has no respect at all and you should leave him.

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A male reader, RyanS United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2010):

RyanS agony auntIf your bf has been a reliable guy who has been nice and supportive with you, then at least confirm what your friend has told about him and your sister, before taking an action.

If you have had trust problems with him in the past too, then you can leave him because this case could be true.

But if you had no trust issues in the past, then find more before breaking-off. Good bfs are hard to get and you don't want to lose a good guy (if he is one) based on some tip-off.

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A female reader, divb United Arab Emirates +, writes (10 July 2010):

divb agony auntHe is your bf and if he was actually loyal to you or if he actually loved you then he wouldn't even dare to kiss your sister or anyone in that case.If your 100 percent sure that he kissed your sister then I think you should confront him.

And then its up to you if u should continue your relationship with him or not....Good luck

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A female reader, 010610 United States +, writes (10 July 2010):

I dont think you should confront him just yet. Find out the real answer and get to know more of what ahd happend tht night because you dont want to leave him for something you arent 100% sure about. If he really likes you or really loves you he shouldn't be scared or be afraid of you confronting him besides the fact that he cheated on you! which was horribly wrong. If what you were saying "they might have slept together" is right you shouldnt trust him fully at all you need enough reasons why you should stay with him from him because if it happened once it could happen again. .

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

Is this girl sure that it was him? I think you should confront him and your sister.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2010):

hey u should find out first if it was more than kiss i hope this helps you decide

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A female reader, krunkqueen  +, writes (10 July 2010):

i think you should confront him and her both! go to your parents house and confront her.. dont let this go , dont lie to yourself if you feel that he did this behind your back. even if he did not have sex with her , making out with someone is still cheating.

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A female reader, agonyangel United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2010):

Do you think it was a one night thing though or if it is still going on, if it was just a one night thing you should probably confront him about it and see what he has to say for himself but just be sure first. However if it is still going on, and your sure, there is realy no excuse. He hasnt been loyal to you and you should leave him!

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A female reader, agonyangel United Kingdom +, writes (10 July 2010):

Do you think it was a one night thing though or if it is still going on, if it was just a one night thing you should probably confront him about it and see what he has to say for himself but just be sure first. However if it is still going on, and your sure, there is realy no excuse. He hasnt been loyal to you and you should leave him!

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