A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my boyfriend for 3 months on Saturday and my parents are going away for the weekend and he said he wants to stay over... I'm pretty sure he will want to do things sexually (we haven't gone further than heavy making out so far) and I'm a virgin. I'm pretty sure that I'm ready... the only thing that is stopping me from having sex with him is nerves and I'm only nervous because I haven't done it before. But I am SO SO SO nervous! I'm on the pill already and he tells me he loves me all the time, so I should sleep with him shouldn't I? I mean, it's the perfect opportunity, and I know even though he wants to he wouldn't force me to do anything I don't want to do. But I'm so nervous! I do want to have sex with him and I love him, how can I calm myself and get over my crushing feeling of embarrassment when I think of how rubbish I will be? I wish I wasn't so shy :( it's so awkward and scary. I really love him and I don't want him to think I don't find him sexually attractive because I really do! I think I'm ready for sex but I'm definitely not ready for giving him foreplay... is there any way around that? oh please help! I've only got a few days! And I just know the whole thing is going to be embarrassing. :( xxxx
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crush, foreplay, ready for sex, shy, the pill Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, jordin45  +, writes (25 August 2007):
Well i definitely advise using a condom no matter what birth control you are on. And make sure your truely ready cause your virginity is a huge thing and waiting is not bad. If he leaves you because you wont have sex with him then he's dumb and not worth it which is not what you will be thinking if it happens but it's the truth. And when you do have sex it changes everything sometimes for the good sometimes for the bad. It's a big deal and your virginty is a huge deal, don't let anyone tell you it isn't, there's nothing worse then being in a good relationship and then having it turn into just sex. Truly if you're scared i dont think you're ready for it. My first time i wasnt scared at all, i dont know why but i knew what i wanted to do and i was completely comfortable with it and i told him that. The best thing is communication, talk to him! and of course if you start talking to a guy about you maybe being ready to have sex with him, he's gonna be excited, just really think about it. It doesnt have to be scented candles but it is special in its own little way, just go with the flow and let what ever you feel comfortable with happen. And you can definitley have sex without foreplay i understand how you feel there. The best thing if you are ready, let him pleasure you and then you simply pleasure him by allowing him to in what ever way you choose including sex.
A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (24 August 2007):
 your first question you will know when to stop its something you know when you are having sex.
and as its your first time use a condom the pill is only i think about 95% to stop getting pregent and some with comdoms, just in case use it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOh yeah, 2 more things- I'm on the pill, I stopped last friday to have my period which started on monday and I should be starting this months pack again on friday so I should be off my period on saturday right? My periods only usually last about 4 days but this is my first since I started the pill so I'm not sure... And if I am on the pill would it be ok to risk not using a condom? I know he doesnt have any diseases but I don't know wheteher it would be a risk worth taking even if I am on the pill is it a really high chance I could get pregnant....? xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you everyone :) i have one other worry about this weekend, if i do go through with it and have sex with him, if during sex it's good but neither of us come, how do you stop without it seeming like "yeah, we're not getting anywhere, you can just get off me now?" Or say he comes but I'm not even close, will we just stop? What if he keeps going and I'm not even close, do I have to tell him or will he know? It sounds like a stupid question and I'm not sure if it makes sense but its something I have been worrying about. xxx
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 August 2007): make sure to talk to your boyfriend and express your concerns and nervousness so he doesn't rush you, and remember you don't have to do ANYTHING. If you feel you can't go through, stop. He will still love you and respect you. Remember, you only loose your virginity once but you remember it the rest of your life, so make sure it is a good memory.
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A
female
reader, i might be a girl but i can help +, writes (22 August 2007):
well you seem ready for sex go for it girl. just stop thinking how rubbish you will be and just enjoy, because if you are tense during sex it will make it more harder to do. Foreplay can be whatever you want it to be,but if you are still not comfortable tell your boyfriend and you will be fine.
good luck and don't worry just enjoy
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A
female
reader, hit-the-road,jack... +, writes (22 August 2007):
dont worry bout it loadsa girls feel the same cos sex is like a mutual thing but foreplay like hand jobs or blow jobs seem a lot scarier cos its like down to you. just see how it goes and dont do anything you dont want to!
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A
female
reader, skye +, writes (22 August 2007):
 Sweetheart, calm down! You have perpared for this. You and your boyfriend obviously care for eachother and you have made the correct decision regarding birth control. All you have to do is relax.
Tell you guy that you are nervous. Believe me, he will want you first time together to be special and will do all he can to help you comfortable and have an enjoyable experience. Ask him to wear a condom if pregnancy is still a concern for you. He wont mind.
Foreplay isnt such a big deal. You dont have to "do" anything as such, however sometimes you might find it helps. It can be whatever you want it to be. A gentle stroke of the leg, face, arm or more intimate areas if you feel comfortable and a few slow kisses are all it takes. Now thats not so scarey, is it? Only do what you feel comfortable with. Your boyfriend will understand and will help guide you through this as you will guide him.
If you dont feel ready on this occassion, that is ok. He will wait until you are. You cant say that you will be ready just because the opportunity has presented itself. Wait if you would prefer. When you are ready, things will naturally progress and you will just know it is the right time.
Good luck,
Skye
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A
female
reader, FoxieMoron +, writes (22 August 2007):
 If you are ready for sex, you are simply ready. No reason to be nervous. And obviously it's not a "get in, get off, get out" type of deal because he's staying the night. The most you should worry about is the usual, "does my breath smell okay" Other than that, no worries, obviously he loves you enough to do this, and you love him enough. Nothing to be nervous about. As for the foreplay thing.. Basically the only way around it is when things are getting hot, jsut tell him, "I'm not good with foreplay can we skip it?" He'll understand. Just get things heated on your own and you won't need the foreplay.
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