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I think Im in love with my boss!

Tagged as: Age differences, Big Questions, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (31 August 2006) 45 Answers - (Newest, 10 April 2011)
A female , anonymous writes:

Help, i think im in love with my boss. Last xmas we slept together and yes it was awkard after we came back to work purely on my part because i felt guilty as he has a wife. I know its wrong and nothing has happened between us since. But he gets jealous when he knows ive been out with guys or see what outfits im wearing when i go out with the girls (as the shops arent too far from work). What can i do. He is 12 years older than me as well. He is on holiday at the moment and i have missed him like crazy.

View related questions: jealous, my boss, on holiday

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2011):

Hi people, I never thought that this is such a common problem and till now was under the impression that I am insane to have such feelings for my boss...

Even he is married but I dont know how to control my feelings. He is just awesome... I dont wanna encroach into his married life but cant stop thinking of him. I dont know what to do...

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 March 2011):

im in love with my boss also , believe me it will never work, my boss is so handsome and successful, from different country, culture, religion, married and in love with his wife, but i donno why he seems to be interested from time to time and why i just cant forget about this shit .. it makes me feel sad everyday , im wasting my time to live my dream ,, if you find solution just let me know :)

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A male reader, welshget United Kingdom +, writes (3 March 2011):

im having a similar problem. but its my wife that says she has feelings for her boss.

we are married with 3 boys, we have been having difficulties in our marriage. we have kinda separated a few occasions but it never lasted more than a day. recently we had a final separation talk. this is when i woke up to myself, and realised my faults in the relationship and have been a different person. my wife say its would have been over but i changed so much to be what she wanted that she thought she'd give it a last try.

we have been getting on great, but my wife recently said she has these feelings for her boss. this is killing me, and her. she loves me, and has the feelings for him. she said if she was in love with me why should she be feeling this for another man.

the thing is this guy has been an ear for her to offload her problems. he has helped her through some difficult things, for which im grateful.

im scared that these feelings wont subside, i don't know if its a crush, or a want to try something different.

we have a nice little family here with 3 young boys, is it worth her risking that for this man? will these feeling go or get stronger.

at the moment in in hell just thinking about it!

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A female reader, joan2208 United Kingdom +, writes (5 November 2010):

I am in the same predicament. When he first walked into my office 18 months ago I almost fell of my chair. Devastatingly handsome and a great guy also. I have decided to tell him how I feel, out of respect for him and myself, because, whatever happens, I will be dedicated to him for what he is. What he doesnt know he cannot act on. Wish me luck as I wish you the same.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 October 2010):

Hi dear, I have the same situation. I'm 22 his 38 we are both married he has 3 kids the oldest is 12 I have none. I really enjoy being with him so..... We never had anything not even a kiss but from just talking to him I can see that we have so much in common. Right now I'm thinking about a divorce I know it sounds crazy but I just realized that I don't really have feeling for my husband and I'm not getting a divorce because of my boss I m not sure if I even want to have a relationship with him I think his is just that last thing that had to happen in order for me to decide if I really want a divorce I don't really care if it'll work out or not but he really made me thinking about my life and all so...I guess it's better to do it while I still don't have kids. It going to be crazy like he'll but I think I still want it. Can't imagine how hard it's going to be for my mom hopefuly shell understand me one day. Tell me how is your story going... Keep us all updated ;)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 October 2010):

Follow your feeling. Things may not work out and you MAY regret, but you CERTAINLY regret if you suppress your feelings!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 October 2010):

I am also in love with my boss! Its not worth it ! I'm trying to get out!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 October 2010):

Its not really not ideal for a boss to have a relationship with the subordinate at work. It is just risky and complicated.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 October 2010):

Ok so im in love with my boss. I have been for over a year. I was married when i first started working here but just got divorced three months ago(not related to the boss thing) We have been togather a few times after being out drinking and hooking up. He has told me hes in love with me(alcohol always involved) but then when we are in the office he acts like hes never seen me naked. We have hooked up a few times and it has been wonderful. If not perfect. It has been over two weeks since the last hook up and he has not said a word. in the office its business as usual. I really want to be with him. I really love him. What is his problem? We are both single and have so much in common. I would look for employment else where if he would just make a move. It really hurts me to feel this way. He is a wonderful man with a big heart and warm and caring and everything i have ever wanted in a partner. Plainly put I love him! Help

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A female reader, twentyone21 United States +, writes (6 September 2010):

I am (was?) in the same situation. I fell so madly in love with my boss (she's 42, I am 21). I had a boyfriend of a year and a half, but for at least 6 months out of that time, I was thinking about her. Slowly, things progressed... we would stay up all night texting and talking. At work, we couldn't take our eyes off of each other. Every second we could get, we'd spend together. Finally, after two months, I ended it with my boyfriend and we've been together ever since. we're coming up on our 6 month, in about a week :)

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A female reader, NortheastTexs United States +, writes (12 August 2010):

I hope it worked out. I also fell in love with my boss, 60 years old, married 40 years, two adult children, a new granddaughter - simply the most brilliant man I have met. Disaster. I am married and love my husband too. So I left. It has been hell. I am unemployed, lost friends, made my husband unhappy, and suffer every day. I left so that things would get better and I would get over him. That hasn't happened. To anyone who falls in love with their employer, the first thing you need to do is find another job. He, meanwhile, has gone from strength to strength. I'm happy for him, but if only I would heal.

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A female reader, angelface69 United Kingdom +, writes (14 July 2010):

Hi everyone - well, I ran off with my boss. We were both married but I'm 15 years younger. The honest truth is - there was a lot of heartbreak and embarrassment when it all came out, but ten years later we still have a fabulous sex life and I have become good friends with his daughter - so it worked out in the end! Unfortunately - I've got the hots for my current boss - I finally realise I am a person who gets a crush on powerful men. I'm not going to act on this crush though... probably! ;-)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2010):

Hi there,

To be honest I didn't think this situation was all that common but apparently it is! That takes a load off my shoulders! my boss is 35 married and has children, but is so not happy. They have been talking about divorce for the past few weeks. I on the other hand am going through a divorce. Mine will be final in justa couple of day and I also have a child. When I started working there he stood out big time. He is gorgeous. That was the first thing I noticed. Then after we talk over the course of a few weeks we both realized we had so much in common! So we started seeing each other after work and on some off days. We have been sleeping together for some time now! Every time he walks up my heart beats really fast and I get butterflies. Even when he just txt/calls me! Its crazy but I love it!! I'm in love with my boss! Don't let anyone tell you that it won't ever work! It may and it may not! I'd say go for it because he may be your one true love. At the same time he may night but what don't kill you only makes you stronger!!! GOOD LUCK!!

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A female reader, Coconut928 United States +, writes (15 March 2010):

i highly think it is not going to work out for you. yes i am currently having an affair with my boss..who is 20 years older than me and divorced with 3 kids. I have already gone through understanding everything about how he is not going to jeapordize his job over me...so we have become really good friends. thats all. i still like him a lot...but i would rather lose him as my lover than a friend.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2010):

So i noticed a pattern men are usually married, unhappy in their marriage and around the age of 30.... women are about 21 ..... i have a story not an answer though much like everyone else im 21. I liked my boss when i start back at age 17.... we always flirted nothing of it. he got married and is about 9 years older than me.... this year things changed after we got drunk one day... i don't know what to make of it since he doesnt care for his wife only the life style they carry yet hes hot and cold and frankly i cant read him. he seeks for attention but doesnt offer any he frustrates me yet hes like my best friend... i dont want to fall for him but i think i already did. and no one can know.... lol it is funny how many people feel this way and how common it really is... makes you wonder when you marry... who are you sleeping with next to your bed?

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A female reader, Soul_Mechanic United States +, writes (1 August 2009):

Honey, I know your pain. And don't listen to those who wish to stand upon moral soap boxes and tell you how you should feel, what you should do, how you should think or how to proceed. Follow your heart.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 June 2009):

I think the best way is to enjoy busking in the sun, but net telling that you are in love with your boss. Be in love, the idea of love not with the person, and be non expressive throughout.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (27 May 2009):

Yes I Understand how you feel my dear,

I'm in love with my boss, a very fiesty lady and i'm not sure if she is gay, so i'm at a tight junction here. Wishing everyday I could muster the courage to ask her out even for a drink. I mean we hang out especially when managers are all out on a friday evening but its not the same. And worse of, she probably comes over to my desk like a 100times or i go over to hers and we would talk but hey i'm still here the same way 6months after....

oh well, i'll pray 4 a miracle

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 April 2009):

I am in the same situation, my boss is 17 years older.. Im 21 and he is 37. Our relationship started 2 years ago. We cant spend a moment apart from each other. He is married and has a child. Over weekends both of us get so mad not seeing each other. I'm not to sure if this is normal, but I love him and all though he might be in a relationship I cant stop thinking about him. I don't know what to do??

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A reader, anonymous, writes (25 April 2009):

I am in the same sort of situation...except that I really do feel optimistic that things have a chance to work out. I am 21, my boss is 35. He is married, but is going through the process of divorce. Previous to that, they were separated for a year. He is a very gentle soul. We have a solid foundation of friendship, so I believe that no matter what happens romantically between us, we will always be friends. Although it may be exciting going against the rules, being secretive and all, believe me it is not good to found a relationship around lies. We have agreed that although we have already kissed, it will be best if we hold off on that until we no longer work together. Our relationship should be an escape from drama and complications, not the main source of them. We are currently working out a plan for what will happen next with our jobs, so that there will be no need to lie.

So, my advice is if you truly believe in your love, then follow your heart. I always say that no matter what happens, if I follow my heart I will be happy with my decision.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2009):

"I think Im in love with my boss!"

hi. I'm 25y/o and my boss is courting me. I dont know if he is serious about me...he is a married man and has a child and I have a relationship with a girl for 5 years and i was confused...please help me i don't know what to do, i dont understand my boss, sometimes we've text each other and he said he w8 for my text if i'm ready to go out with him, to express our feelings, but is it right if i was the one who text him first? why should I? I'm hoping sometimes that he will texted me to invite me to hang out...but there's none...help me please!!!!!!!

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A female reader, babyaly United Arab Emirates +, writes (18 February 2009):

Im in the same the dilemma right now... I think Im in with my boss also.. I feel so bad coz i have a long time boyfriend of 7years. The first time I met my boss I felt the I really like him... he has all the qualities of a good man. He don't have a wife, he's very much single, he's 34 and I'm 25 (just 9yrs age difference).. We started flirting in the office... sending sweet messages thru emails... he always tells me how he likes me so much... many times we tried to stop and be normal and treat it each other as colleague but still we end up liking each other more and more.. Just a week ago, knowing that he will be gone for 1 month for an operation in UK, we decided to spend time together. We already kissed each other.. it felt so great.. He said if only I were single he would marry me and just before he left to UK he kept on saying that he loves me.. but I have a bf and I can't afford to loose him.. but then again I like my boss so much... I'm so confused.. Now that he's away Im missing him like hell.. I don't know how this situation will end.. But planning to stop and end this before things get worst.. I know it will be difficult and will hurt me so much forgetting my boss.. but still wanting to do what is right..

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2008):

Hi there

i think if your boss is married you should not think about him, because in the end you will get hurt, trust me i have gone through this my self, i loved my boss we had an afair for 4 years, he always use to say to me that he loves me but, when my fiance find out i was having an afair with him, he din't care about me, he was worry that his wife will find out, and because i loved him and i still have feelings for him, he make me understand that i can't ever trust him again, so please just enjoy your self what happen has happend so you can't change that, at least you can be careful and try to stay away from married people,take care.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 May 2008):

i am married with grown children and I love my husband. I am having feelings for my female boss and have been involved in a lesbian relationship about 30 years ago (before my marriage.) Please help as my heart yearns for her and would like for her to know without destroying my heterosexual relationship with my husband. i know i'm a mess.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 April 2008):

Slight variation but I've always fancied by boss. I'm gay and I found out recently after a drunken fumble at a pub that he's bisexual (but mainly straight) but is currently with a woman. We had a lovely time at work in a quiet room following the night out but now I find it difficult to stop thinking about him. I miss him when he's not around but when he is you're just sat there thinking 'why isn't he trying to arrange something...a night out etc so we can get some time on our own again'?

Best thing is to not mix work and relationships together as being at work can give you valuable space between you and your partner which makes seeing them more special. Work should be a sanctuary, somewhere to escape to when things get emotionally messy. It's a nightmare when the emotion mess is waiting for you there!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 October 2007):

Hi, I am also in love with my boss. I have a boyfriend who I like too. My boyfriend recently started to work where I work, so this makes everything alot harder for me. Sometimes I am confused about my feelings. Feeling regret is common when I think about his wife and children. He loves his kids, but he claims he is never happy around his wife. I know I am not the only woman in his life besides his wife. He likes me but I doubt he loves me. I am also significantly younger than him ( 17yrs). I am thinking of resigning. I think you should too.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 October 2007):

Yes I was in the same situation with my boss a few years ago. He was separated from his wife, though, before we started sleeping together. He's 11 years older than me, and I can tell you that he just used me for sex, and oral sex in his car. I told him I loved him, and though he said he had feelings for me, he did not love me back. I ended up with my heart broken, and probably still am in love with him to this day. I am no longer employed with the company, and I no longer talk to him. I can't imagine any situation such as mine or yours where it could work out. You will end up with your heart broken. There are so many wonderful men out there, don't waste your time.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):

hi. I'm 25y/o and my boss is courting me. His 50 y/o, divorced with 1 daughter (17y/o) and 3 sons (age range: 27,25,22) his so sweet that one night when he asked me out with his friends we end up kissing. And now his courting me and im afraid im falling in love as well. His so sweet!!! Im worried that his kids wont accept our relationship if ever...help... please give me some advice.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007):

Same situation. I love my secretary and she says she loves me. She has a boyfriend. I'm separated. 13 year age difference. Our affair has been going 3 years.

For the sake of her relationship she is going to change jobs. I'm heart-broken, sick. I can't say that she seems all that happy either.

I miss her when I travel or if she is on leave. She says the same.

When she goes will I forget her quickly? No way, I don't think I ever will. Maybe I'm a stupid romantic.

What if she is the one? It feels to me like she is.

For all that, I know that in probably 95% of the cases this sort of relationship will not have a happy ending. Even if we did end up together (my fondest wish) there has still been hurt and I can see the other people that might be hurt by it.

So, unless you are really, REALLY sure, it is probably not worth it. And even if you are sure, taking steps to maybe work somewhere else, at least a different part of the company, will protect both of you - if you do make it work or if you don't.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2007):

I must say I have the reverse I'm in love with my young assistant, but I know nothing can ever come of this as she is 22 and I am 30 and married!!

Perhaps it was a mistake to take her on, but she is fantastic at her job. Its such a dilema, but you only get one chance at life, what if this was meant to be?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 June 2007):

Dear young Lady, did you listen to these friendly recommendations?

Is this love? And what is love?

Dominant males are sexually attractive, I heard it in a documentary which was probably not only about gorillas.

I have been in a similar situation for two years, except that I was ugly enough to avoid intimacy with my boss. I also spent a lot of energy concentrating each time on the image of his lovely wife and child, on my hairy legs, on Mama's warnings, etc.

It is such a painful disease, my heart still hopes a true love relationship though my brain urges to quit. I alreay resigned twice, but I could not resist the protests and I am still with the same company, damaging my career and my private life.

Too bad that we don't get comments on this Website from a wife or from one of those guys. I would so much like to read their opinion.

Now, the responses below do indicate a way out: find another job indeed. If this is love, you will know. If this is a game, it will be over. And in any event, don't stop going out with other people!

Take care, and good luck to all working girls.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2007):

Sweetheart,

I fell in love with a married coworker once--let me tell you what will happen--he will use you until he's had his thrill, someone will tell his wife, or she'll find out somehow--everyone in his life, will put pressure on him to dump you, which he will, since he is not going to jeopardize his family, or his job.

End it now, and move on.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2007):

I too am in the same situation! I've been having an affair with my married boss who has a child - and an unhappy marriage. I know the sooner I get out of it the better it will be, but at the same time, I don't want to.

We spend a lot of time together outside of work and when we go out, people say we look like such a happy couple who are so in love with each other. It's not like it's a secret from the world - we go out to public places all the time and hold hands and kiss in public.

I haven't actually told him I love him yet, but I want to.

We've talked about the future and everything possible.

I know there is mostly negative responses on here, but honestly, if it's meant to be, it will happen. Maybe the person they thought was their soul mate turned out to not be the one they married.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 December 2006):

I feel your situation. im only a few years younger then my boss, ive had feelings for him for about 3 years. we've been sleeping together for about 2 yrs but he says he cant date me b/c hes my boss, i relized this along time ago but i cant help how i feel..get out b4 you get too hurt. it wont work trust me. seeing him everyday and not being able to show him how you feel will rip you apart. i suggest you forget him and move on to someone who will fight to be with you ...not fight to keep you a secret.

good luck

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2006):

I can't give you any advice in what to do, since I'm in a similar situation; I'm in love with my boss' husband! And it isn't even close to possible that he feels the same way. So all I can do is watch and dream about him. Isn't that a wonderful situation....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2006):

Hi - I too think I am falling in love with my boss! There has always been some sort of attraction and he just recently broke up with his wife - Then on a night out he invited me into his hotel room and the inevitable happened!! - I am now feeling sick and excited at the same time - Wish me good luck for Monday!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 October 2006):

You have my deepest sympathy. I am besotted with my boss and have been for over a year - then reality kicks in - He is a married man so I choose to admire him from afar. This is by far the safest option. You state that you have already been intimate with your boss , you are kidding yourself if you think anything can come of it. Get a job elsewhere as it will tear you up seeing him everyday and knowing he will never be yours. Sorry to be harsh but how would you feel if you was his wife and found out he had slept with someone else.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006):

leave him alone as it will only hurt his wife more! You need to put your feelings aside and concentrate on your work. He needs to do the same as he goes home every night a plays the loving husband role!! xx

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2006):

leave him alone as it will only hurt his wife more! You need to put your feelings aside and concentrate on your work. He needs to do the same as he goes home every night a plays the loving husband role!! xx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2006):

A discussion needs to take place and he needs to understand that you will be meeting your own needs just like you always have. Nothing has changed with you, its him that needs to get over it. Good luck.

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A female reader, Taija +, writes (1 September 2006):

Taija agony aunthi there sweetie, i have been in your situation before and believe me its not pretty the outcome. my boss was married and we ended up sleeping together too not just once a few times. he got jealous of guys and when he saw me in bars with guys he threatened to fire me. in the end i told him that he has a lady that he should be loving like he loved me and that i couldnt get involved with his stuff ups. i then found out that his wife found out and went mental she came after me and threw the marriage at him. alot of people get hurt in these situations dont let it be you that gets hurt. find another job or put him in his place. you and your feelings and career are more important then anyone else. good luck hunny xx :o)

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A female reader, j'sgurl +, writes (31 August 2006):

Seriously dont buff the boss. You should consider getting a new job. Even if you do end up in a relationship with him which isnt likely, he cheated on the current with you. Who is to say that he wont do the same to you? Please take care of yourself move on there will be something better out there for you.

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A female reader, bonym United Kingdom +, writes (31 August 2006):

bonym agony auntMy friend, I advise you to see this as a terrible mistake, forget him and try to move on. You know what you did was wrong, you acknowledged that, so I think you need to explain to him that he cant be getting jealous when you date other men, he is married, it will never work. Good luck. xXx

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A female reader, angel frm above +, writes (31 August 2006):

angel frm above agony aunthun u cant go on with this he has a wife and if he was to leave his wife for you it may feel nice bein with him but soon the guilt would take over and you both will end up unhappy. Sit him down and talk 2 him about it and what is going to happen in the future. But dont let him leave his wife unless he is unhappy with her. if he does leave his wife for you you should wait abit before getting with him if his wife found out he was with another women soon after he left her it would brake her heart.

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A female reader, pica +, writes (31 August 2006):

Get a new job. Seriously. This won't work out well for either of you.

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