A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Really need some advice. I think im driving myself mad with jealousy. Ive been with my boyfriend for a year and a half and i just cant trust him at all. he's a bit of a closed book and something just isnt right with him. Sometimes i wonder do i really know him at all. Even when i watch films that have people cheating i just wanna be sick thinking how it could happen to me. Its so easy to get away with it these days. ive started fights on nights out thinkin that he was looking at other girls. I just wish sumtimes that i never met him. So i wouldnt have this constant worry. I was thinking of breaking up with him but i think that would be too hard for me. I just dont wanna be like a psycho girlfriend. im so afraid he'll hurt me. i never wanna go through hurt ever again. couldnt cope. im an emotional wreck.
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female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (25 February 2007):
 "Stop it ! " There`s an expression; "You are your own worst enemy". That`s the case here! ( but deep down, you know that anyway! ) You`ve been hurt before, and looking out for the signs is natural for you. Please please please; ( and I know this will be hard ), STOP LOOKING for evidence, of anything, for a whole week. I would like for you both to enjoy each others company, spending time together,eating together,just being together ! I think your confidence level is low; I would love to see you build yourself up, and recognise your own worth! You are a Diamond, which is why your Boyfriend loves you; And he Does !! Please get back to me, let me know how you both are, Kind Regards, Heather
A
male
reader, fallenman  +, writes (25 February 2007):
 One way to find out if it's you and your mind is to do a reality check.
1) What external evidence to you have to back up your distrust?
2) Think how you would react if he behaved the way you do
3) Ask yourself why do you react to cheating real and imaginary the way you do?
4) Denying hurt and pain in your life is a very immature response to the reality of life. Life can be very painful both emotionally and physically, you need to accept that truth about life.
Don't try and run away from life, because you can't.
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A
female
reader, BEEN THERE DONE IT +, writes (25 February 2007):
 Why do you say your boyfriend is like a closed book, you have been with him for a year now and you don't trust him why, what has he done to make you feel like this?
Jealously is a terrible thing babes a good healthy relationship ship is build on trust if you don't have this then you have BIG problems....If just watching a film ,watching actors who get paid loads of money makes you feel sick and it worries you that this could happen in your relation ship then you really need to be looking at yourself...
All you are doing is driving yourself mad and making yourself ill, if a man is going to cheat it doesn't matter what you say or do to try at stop it you won't he will do it, but if this is all in your mind he will be driven to it in the end you must take a deep breath and try to start trusting him otherwise he will grow to resent you and I'm sure you don't want that...
Has someone cheated on you before and now you find it hard to cope with, if so not all men are cheats you have to learn to trust stop punishing yourself by these thoughts...
If other girls look at him its because they see what you found attractive in him, be proud of him at the end of the night who does he go home with, yes,YOU.
Babes your only an emotional wreck because you have allowed yourself to be please don't punish yourself you have obviously been hurt in the past either by this current boyfriend or one in the past, you must think of yourself otherwise your on the road to distruction, you owe it to yourself to have a great happy life so start right now babes, GIRL POWER.......
Thinking of you and good luck let me know how you get on sweet heart xxxx
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (25 February 2007):
 You sound very insecure in this relationship with him and I get the feeling that's because you don't know him as well as you'd like to. You need to communicate more with him, try and draw him out a bit. He might find it difficult to begin with but if you tell him you just want to try and understand him better and how he thinks then, if he really likes you then he should answer your questions.
You also need your confidence and self esteem built up so I have given you 2 links to help you do this. Do the self esteem test and see just how high/low your self esteem is.
http://www.selfesteem4women.com/index.php
http://www.more-selfesteem.com/self_confidence_tips.htm
Breaking up with him isn't the answer as you'll be exactly the same with the next boyfriend you meet. Try to keep your jealousy under control, it is a worthless emotion and nothing good can come from it, in other words, being jealous will NOT make you feel better OR change anything so throw these feelings of jealousy in the trash can where they belong. Work on your confidence and learn to trust him more. Try and talk with him on a regular basis to bring him out some more. As him questions like "what would you do if....." or "how would you feel if..." open ended questions are much better so he can elaborate his feelings instead of questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.
If you can be more trusting of him, communicate more and be more assertive in yourself then you'll find things will run more smoothly.
Eve
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): Well, honey if you are an emotional wreck and you have no reason to really believe your boyfriend is cheating, perhaps it is time to go talk to someone, a therapist.
Your jealousy is all about you, not him...you are very insecure and maybe a bit of a control freak....sort of hyper vigilent at watching his every move, trying to control him so you won't get hurt.
This could be the reason your boyfriend is closed off to you, he knows you don't trust him and trust and respect are the cornerstones of any good relationship, and the house that love is built on.
If you think you would be better off on your own for awhile without the responsibilities of a relationship, then break it off and do that, learn more about yourself.
Maybe you don't love him as much as you say you do, and your jealousy is just a way of putting the blame for that lack of feeling onto him, maybe you in fact want to date others....be honest with yourself and with him and do the right thing..not all relationships are forever.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2007): Obviously, you're going to have to deal with emotional pain at some points in your life - there is NO avoiding it! If he hasn't given you a reason to mistrust him... get over it. You're only making the relationship toxic if YOU have trust issues.
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