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I think I'd be better off just blocking him from my life

Tagged as: Cheating, Crushes, Gay relationships, Three is a crowd, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 14 September 2017)
A male United Kingdom age 41-50, *lly41 writes:

I was recently away on a holiday with a load of other people. I am gay and everyone knows this and am 38 yrs old. Whilst we were away a younger 23 yr old was being friendly with me and then hinted he wanted to come up to chat in my room. Anyhow after a few hours we went up and he was trying his best to say he was confused but then kept saying he loved his girlfriend and wanted to marry her and really likes her. Anyhow, it gradually lead to us cuddling all night and having some foreplay and kissing. Next morning he left to go to his hotel. The messages he sent were he loved his girlfriend but enjoyed our night.

On the final night he said he would love it to happen again.

Now we are back home, he keeps saying to me next time he will be going with his girlfriend and dad and it is a little awkward.

I am not sure what to read into any of this and maybe I am better just blocking him from my life?

Help!

View related questions: foreplay, kissing

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (14 September 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHe used you, and well in fairness you let him. You knew he was in a relationship, you knew he was cheating so what did you expect to happen? Honestly block him from your life and try and not allow someone else who is in a relationship to cheat with you, it is morally wrong.

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A female reader, ALM12 United States + , writes (12 September 2017):

ALM12 agony auntOP let him go. I don't think you have time for someone's wishy washy way of living

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A male reader, WiseOwlE United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

I think it is best to block him and let him be faithful to his girlfriend. Sometimes younger-men just want to experiment with feelings they have; and select someone older and wiser to guide them. I'm also a gay man.

If someone tells you they have a girlfriend or boyfriend; that should be an immediate deal-breaker. Why would you want to participate in home-wrecking, or steering someone away from a committed-relationship?

It shouldn't happen again, and the whole scenario makes no sense. No one introduces their father and girlfriend to a guy he made-out with. This sounds really weird.

My suggestion is that you check your bank accounts and credit card statements; just in-case this was a scam to get you alone and go through your wallet.

There are gadgets that can hack your phone and get bankcard information; or clone your phone. You're old enough to be aware and vigil for such things. Especially with young guys claiming to be straight! Your guard would naturally be up for really young gay man; because you'd be curious about what he's up to.

Taking a stranger up to your room who tells you he has a girlfriend seems like a set-up for something. Taking any stranger up to your room is risky; especially if you let them spend the night.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy + , writes (11 September 2017):

CindyCares agony auntYes, you'd better off blocking him out of your life, there's nothing in this for you.

The young man just wanted to take a little walk on the wild side. Curiosity. Experimentation. Breaking the rules. And all that jazz.

It was a positive experience for him, but now that he had ataste of the forbidden fruit, - although he liked it , he does not want to make a meal of it, obviously. That's why he keeps telling you about his gf, and that during next getaway he won't be alone- so that you won't get any ideas .

He may have said , on the final night, that he would love to do it again - but I think that's the equivalent of " We must have lunch together some day soon... " It's one of these things that one says to be polite and disengage oneself smoothly . Or else, he may even , deep down, wish for another try,- but reality interferes- girlfriend, dad, they are always around, and... it would be complicated . I am pretty sure that he is happy to file you under " And I tried this too " and move on .

Same as you should do too in any case , regardless of his response ; I mean, the guy is only 23 and has a girlfriend !, what directions were you expecting things to take from there ?

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 September 2017):

Honeypie agony auntYou got used. the guy wanted to "walk on the wild side" but he doesn't want a gay lifestyle or BF. Sort of like the "almost" straight people in college who "experiment" with their limits and sexuality.

You should have turned him down from the get go as he HAS a partner. All you could really expect out of this was drama and feeling a bit used.

He keeps bringing up the GF to make sure you understand that what he did with you was a "mistake" and that he really is "straight"... While he probably isn't fooling you. (the guy is most likely a bit bi-sexual at least) he is adamant in his own delusion. HE wants to be straight and seen as straight. He wants YOU to pretend nothing happened.

Why he brings his dad into it, I don't know. Maybe because his dad makes him feel safe? With his dad there HE will be well behaved?

Yes, I think you should wish him well and block him. There is nothing for you here.

And in the future don't fool around with people who have a partner, it never ends well.

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A female reader, Sweet lollita United Kingdom +, writes (11 September 2017):

If it were me I would keep him out my life guys like that are trouble they will make you care then when you love them so much they will break your heart so I would just forget about him and move on with your life.

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