A
male
age
22-25,
tairisi
writes:Dear CupidI have a girlfriend of a year an a bit and we've been running into problems at the moment. I think I want to break up with her. A lot of the time we're very happy together and in some ways a quite like my life with her. However, we argue a lot, and we always seem to be trying to get one up on each other which I hate. We're always playing games, she can be quite manipulative, and in her defence I think I've learned to be as well and I think deep down I know we'll break up eventually. I've tried to break up with her a few times but I don't think it helps that I usually only get the courage when I'm drunk. She usually doesn't let me go, and always says she loves me and doesn't want it to end. I did try and break upwith her when I was sober but she convinced me to stay and try and work it out. When we break up, or have problems it usually goes like this. I try to be firm and adament that I don't want to be in this relationship and she convinces me to stay. Then we spend the next few days with her outwardly depressed and saying all the time how depressed she is. This makes me feel really bad because even though I don't think we can be together I hate to see her like this and it gets too a point were I try my best to reassure her just to try and make her feel better because I can't take her being depressed any longer. THen we carry on as normal until the next time.Another problem is that there never seems to be the right time to break up. I considered doing it today as we had an arguement last night and I try to break up then. But I rang up today to say sorry because I had been acting like a proper t@%t that night. But its her birthday in 3 days time and then after she wants to plan to go away, and before that I've planned to move in with her from my university accomodation. THis isn't really aa big a step as it may seem as we've been practically living together for the past year. In fact, after we started going out we've hardly spent more than a few days apart. She's seems to really need me around, and its often difficult to see my friends. She doesn't get on with my friends brilliantly, I think its because she feels uncomfortable around them because a lot of them are my age (22) and she hangs around with ppl her age 32. THe age gap has never really been a problem, except that I feel that I live the life of a 31 year old and a missing out on being young and carefree sometimes. I think also I'm a little scared of breaking up with her because first I'll break her heart and I don't want to hurt her because I love her. Also, I'm coming up to the end of my degree. All my friends are gonna piss off, bar one ( who she really doesn't get on with) and I'll have no money, no house etc. Though I think I could get over this. I'm concerned that this relationship is turning me into a w%"ker and a bit crazy. She's my first long term girlfriend, and I always used to look at other blokes who argued with there girlfriends over little things and sometimes cheated on them and be amazed how they could be like that; and now I'm one of them (I snogged 2 girls a couple of weeks ago, she knows about one). Also, I have a tendency to get really guilty and frustrated sometimes when we argue or she comments on something I've done and start banging my head against things, like a crazy person. I'm sorry for blabbing on for so long, but I think I feel better now for getting some things of my chest. I don't really feel I can talk to anyone about all the things going on in my head as I'm scared it will cause mor rifts between her and my friends. Yesterday she said she's ended friendship with someone because I think he was unsympathetic when I drunkinly broke up with her, and tried to ring me. I think she's bothered because he takes my side, and used to fancy me, and once I told him a small bit about how I want to break up with her when I was pissed. And I feel maybe I've caused this. Anyway, I'll shut up. Thanks for listeningMike
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broke up, depressed, drunk, money, university Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, janders425  +, writes (4 May 2008):
what up Mike. I been there I was 20 dating a 27 year old. I know what its like to be in the older crowd. Think about this if you were a freshman in high school would you be dating a high school girl thats a senior?
A
female
reader, Ask oldersister +, writes (3 May 2008):
 Hi, Mike. It doesn't sound like this relationship has anywhere to go but downhill and you realize that so it just depends on how messy and nasty you want things to get. A clean break would probably be best if you have the courage to do it- she'd be depressed but she's a grown woman and she can handle it. You can't keep feeling responsible for her being depressed when you try to break up with her- that's what happens after a breakup- no way to avoid it. The way it's headed right now, all the fights and you cheating on top of everything else, you guys are just going to fight more and start hurting each other even more which will make the ending more painful and harder to recover. You will just feel more guilty too. I also get the sense that this relationship gives you some sort of security and you are anxious about really being on your own. That's not really fair to her and she will feel used so stop feeling guilty about leaving and start feeling guilty about staying with her for security while you cheat on her! Do the right thing, man up, and make a clean break. Take care.
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