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I think he wants to try S&M, how do I bring it up?

Tagged as: Sex<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 December 2012) 3 Answers - (Newest, 26 December 2012)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Hi all, I'm trying to read my boyfriend. :P

He's an alpha male, which I absolutely love. We play around, and I enjoy when we tickle-fight and he pins me down on the bed, we both do. ;)

Earlier in the relationship, he mentioned that S and M might be fun, since he's a sailor he can tie really good knots. At the time, I kind of just grinned and went "meh, i guess." It made me a little uncomfy, but not too much. The reason it did is because I like the idea too, but am nervous about pursuing/exploring it. We do discuss our roles, which are fairly traditional in some aspects, and just plain equal in others. We are proactive I suppose - we don't necessarily keep track of who does what chores, but we look for things to do for the other, and try to take care of what the other hates doing.

Recently, I was teasing him and he threatened to poke me more than ever before ;) and then he said it could get worse (in a teasing way, trust me) and I asked how, he paused a little bit, and then said he could always go to Spencers and pick up some of those bed bondage ties and tie me to the bed so I couldn't get away. I told him (a little daringly) he wouldn't dare, and he just laughed (since I know doing that encourages him to do it lol). Is he trying to send me obvious signals that I'm just not getting?

Earlier that same evening, he held my hands down by my sides while he was tickling me for longer than normal. How should I pursue this? I'm curious as to what he is trying to say, and hopeful that we might be on the verge of some fun, but am not sure if he's just teasing or not, and I don't want to make a mistake. Should I just blatantly ask him, or how should I hint that I liked his suggestion?

View related questions: teasing

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (26 December 2012):

Ciar agony auntFor what it's worth, I personally do not recommend tying anyone up or allowing them to bind you. A lot of things can go wrong, things totally unrelated to the scene (such as a house fire or medical emergency). Being good at tying knots is great, but he'd have to be even better and faster at untying them during a crisis.

What if HE had the medical emergency while you were restrained?

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A female reader, Ciar Canada + , writes (26 December 2012):

Ciar agony auntBefore you open a dialogue I think you should have a better idea of what 'S & M sex' really is and it is not simply being tied up and dominated during intercourse.

S and M stand for Sadism and Masochism. Pleasure from inflicting PAIN on another and having pain inflicted upon oneself, respectively. Is that what you really want? I'm not passing any judgments here. I just want you to be clear about what you want and don't want and confident enough to express it because shy giggles aren't going to help you in a conversation like this.

There is a virtual plethora of information on the internet, so I suggest you do some reading first. THEN have that chat with your boyfriend so you're both on the same page.

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A male reader, TrancedRhythmEar Saudi Arabia +, writes (24 December 2012):

TrancedRhythmEar agony auntYeah, ask him.

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