A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriends dog was diagnosed with cancer, and it tore him up. So much now that he spends more time with his dog than me. Im worried about him and jealous of his dog, wierd as it may sound its true. He sleeps on the sofa to be closer to his dog, he didnt take me out for valentines because he said 'she`ll be lonely'. He shouted at me because i didnt ask how she was when i saw him. He was 2 hours late for picking me up because his parents wanted to fuss over his dog. I only see him once if im lucky twice a week and its only for a few hours and i never see him at day its always at night. He re-morgaged the house so that if the dog needs anything done he can instantly pay for it. He keeps waking the dog up every five minutes to see that shes not dead, and shes old so she will just want to rest. When we have sex now the dog has to be in the same room so he can 'keep an eye on her'. He has about 10 pictures of the dog up now all around his house and one small picture of me thats hidden in his bedroom that i gave him. i feel second best when it comes to his dog and its really getting me down, am i over exaggerating?
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI wasnt at all contradicting myself, there i no set date on when she will die but now the cancer has been removed which was her leg the vet says she will be alright but it would only be guess work if he said how long since shes old. Now i think hes being cruel to the dog for keeping it alive since shes 11 years old, has arthiritus in her limbs and now has to cope with only 3 legs. He keeps waking her because he keeps thinking the worst when you can plainly see that she just wants to go asleep. And another thing he hasnt asked me for any help, he now leaves the dog at his ex`s house becoz her house is closer to the vets. I saw him the other day and he once again shouted at me because when i open the car door to let the dog out i didnt catch her lead and she could have fallen even though she jumped out perfectly fine. I have three cats and i know if my oldest got cancer id be so upset since shes older than his dog, but i certianly wouldnt do what hes been doing, i know that for a fact as i have lost two dogs. And seratuki, i understand the 'love of animals' but would you stop in the middle of having sex with your partner to kiss, talk and shake your pet awake to see if was alright, and every single time you had sex???? Maxsteel 86, i think your the only one here who understand what im going through, would you literally ignore your girlfriend and not take her out for months becoz you didnt want to leave your pet alone even thought you only saw your girlfriend a few hours a week????
A
female
reader, Seratuki  +, writes (23 February 2007):
 Hi
I can see what you mean if he's ignoring you..but I had the same sort of issue with my fiancee who was mad because I cuddled with my cat and rabbit more than him
The fact is..emotions with animals are much more complicated..It's just about love..whereas with people it's always so complex.
The dog has probably been by his side through tough times..offering nothing but love, so now he's trying to return the favor by treated her the same way.
If you can't understand that, maybe you'd be better off with someone else..he needs understanding right now.
Chances are he'lll snap out of it once he realizes the dog is ok...right now it's probably a huge shock to him, and so he's scrambling to do ANYTHING to fix it.
It really has nothing what-so-ever to do with you..do you really want to put your relationship with him on the same level as his dog?
Sara
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (22 February 2007):
 If he's gonna be like that for the next few years, leave his ass already! Can you really picture yourself waiting for the next few years so his dog would finally take a hike and he could then give you attention? Dont think its mean, its totally justified. Why should you suffer so much just cos something else (not even human) is? If we all had to be so selfless, we'd all be in Iraq right now trying to sort out all that killing. Sometimes, you gotta put yourself first. Get out of this
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): It sounds like BF is projecting alot of his lonliness and hurt and abandonment onto his Dog. He now has this great sense of responsibility to his Dog. Why? Why would this be? What is going on in him that he could begin to neglect you?
Is that really what is going on here?
Where is your understanding of him? How will you be heard and understood if you can't do it for you BF?
What is the cause of his behaviour?
Anyways, if you are unhappy and don't see it changing then you have already made a decision, you just have to commit to it and do it.
You know the answer.
Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, willywombat +, writes (22 February 2007):
 Do you want the truth now? I think you may have over exaggerated somewhat. If the dog is going to die, why would you then contradict yourslef now and say the dog could have years ahead of it? And why would he keep waking it to see if it is alive?
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all answering my question but one thing i must add is that this dog isnt going to die in the next couple of months, now its had its leg removed it has years ahead of it....... i am jealous of the dog because i get absolutly no attention what so ever, and the dog is lapping it all up, he has now said that she is not eating out of her bowl so he must hand feed her! This dog could live for another couple of years..... i dont think i can cope with it all but id feel incredibly mean if i ended it. I havent been out with him anywhere since last christmas when the dog got ill!Thank you all for your advice x
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male
reader, maxsteel86 +, writes (22 February 2007):
Folks, come on, its a dog. They die all the time! Mine died a few months ago (age 14 I think), cool dog he was too. Though I knew he was going to die soon, I didn't go out of the way and neglect everyone else around me! What bugs me most is that your boyfriend yelled at you for not asking how the dog was? That's just totally crazy, its not like you have to keep the dog on your mind 24/7. The world doesn't revolve around him and his dog! But unfortunately, people take this kinda stuff in different ways and since the dog's gonna be dead soon, just ride it out and comfort him when its gone. I like Eve's idea of taking a picture, that'll show him that you do care about it. And I hope that remortgaging wasn't a financially crippling move for him!
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female
reader, willywombat +, writes (21 February 2007):
The dog is dying. How can you be jealous of a pet that is dying?
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (21 February 2007):
 I'm not particularly an animal lover but the dog is dying and you'll be there when it isn't. Bite your tongue for now and try and support your boyfriend through this. If you don't then it's going to come between you and because it hasn't got long to live he'll choose that over you.
I would put up with it if I really loved my boyfriend. Have him take a picture of you and the dog together! That way you know for sure it will go out on display. :o)
Eve
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A
female
reader, endless_tamara  +, writes (21 February 2007):
in a word, NO! this guy, while it is sad that his longtime friend is dying, cannot use this as an exuse to neglect you. try to be sympathetic with him, but you need to have a frank discussion with this man. you deserve love and affection, and to be able to have sex without a sick dog in the room.....good luck!
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A
female
reader, Angel-Face +, writes (21 February 2007):
 aww poor dog,I think he feels really close to both of you and probably becouse that doggy is old he doesn't have meany years left with the dog and since the dog has cancer he probably wants the dog to have a happy life of what he has left so what you have to be brave because when that dog dies your boyfriend will need someone to hold so be patient and go out with your mates a few days a week or get a hobby
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 February 2007): Losing a dog is like losing a best friend for a lot of people, If he is paying more attention to his dog at this point, just be there for him, If you found out your best friend was dying, would you give them lots of attention, more-so than your boyfriend?
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