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I think he could be chatting to women online, but my husband says his account was hacked. What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Flirting, Marriage problems, Social Media<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 April 2017) 3 Answers - (Newest, 19 April 2017)
A female United States age 30-35, *urtandconfused13 writes:

I've been with my husband for a long time (15 years) over the years we had some difficulties but recently I found him chatting with this girl.

He done this awhile ago with someone he works with but he always say that nothing is going on. Now i discover that he has a secret Facebook account that he block me on.

On that account he has only one friend and it is that girl. About two months ago I read a chat message that is very inappropriate and doesn't sound like friends talking.

I confronted him and he just said that it was nothing and he got hacked and it was someone else not him.

I know he is lying but my heart tells me that it's just a phase but I really don't know what to do anymore. Any advice will be greatly appreciated

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (19 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntCheater don't go through phases if they are happy. Has there been any other signs? It sounds to me like he has done more than message this girl. He is still lying to you which shows he has no respect for you. I am sorry you are going through this but don't allow him to walk all over you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (18 April 2017):

Given the evidence here I wouldn't be surprised if you already know the answer but are looking for some validation or outside guidance before doing anything that could end your long relationship.

Worst case scenario, he is cheating, but even best case scenario is he being suspicious and sly behind your back. The extent of the infidelity we don't know, but we do know that he is lying, hurting you and disrepecting you.

People can only treat you badly when you let them. My advice, put your foot down and say this can't continue. Let him know that you're going to leave him. If he fights and changes to be with you he's worth having. If he doesn't, maybe he isn't worth having any more...

I want to make sure you know this isn't your fault. That beautiful, wonderful perfect people can still get betrayed. This is his brokenness and ego, NOT your fault. The situation will resolve (faster if you put your foot down). This will get better and life will be happy again. Stay strong :)

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (17 April 2017):

Fatherly Advice agony auntDear Hurt,

I'm sorry you are here. It is hard to advise you in this situation. You have caught him multiple times chatting with a woman he knows at work. He has hidden the relationship instead of ending it. You say that you know he is lying. But you think it is temporary and not worth ending it over.

Well that is your decision. My advice to you is twofold. First stop telling him what you have found until you have found the whole story. It is much harder to find the truth when he (and she) know you are looking for it. You need to go dark and do your investigating.

Second you need to decide where your line is. What you are willing to accept. You are ok with chatting, but only sort of ok with inappropriate chatting. I say that because you have not yet imposed any consequences for these behaviors. But you don't feel very good about it either. But is there some point that you would not be able to accept. What if he was buying presents for this other woman? What if he was going on lunch dates with the other woman? What if he was Dating her on nights or weekends? What if they have sex, just once? or Just oral? What if they have a long term affair? Where is the line when you will say this is not just a phase, but this is a "Deal Breaker".

You need to know that before you do find out just how far this has gone. Quite frankly a couple that works together, and that was sexting 2 months ago, are probably performing the horizontal mambo by now. Not definitely, but there has been enough time for that progression.

What will you do? How much are you willing to give up?

There is a lot of further advice depending on What YOU decide you are going to do about it.

FA

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