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I suspect my wife of cheating. What should I do?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (17 September 2009) 6 Answers - (Newest, 21 September 2009)
A male United States age 41-50, *orrryman writes:

Hi, this is my situation. I met my wife 10 years ago, we have 2 boys. However during all those years i seen a very unusual friendship with her sister's husband. She makes comments like "I LOVE MY IN-LAW AS THOUGH HE WAS MY BROTHER" or in reunions when they meet is not just a kiss, is a kiss touching hard and so so.

Well i was thinking that it was only my imagination. But in already three occasions when we have reunions in other family houses usually i am the first who wants to go home because of the children. Well she stays, and later night she call me and said to me that she does not feeling go to drive home, so her brother-inlaw will be bring her car home and later he gives her a rite to home. So i a agree. Howewer, the house of the reunion is only few blocks from my home. The party ended at 12:15 am and they get home at 1:35 am.

I assumed that in a normal conditions it will take less than 5 minutes. My question is Where they were?? For one hour. I confront my wife next day and first she said that I was sleeping and i saw the clock wrong. Then she said that they were talking about her daugther behavior (2 years old girl) then she changes to oh we just talking about my sister. Before we were very close, in summer picnics, reunions etc. But since this incident my wife avoid any contact with her sister, or does not want to go to reunions where they are. SO SUSPICIOUS!!. OF course she said that it is not possible becasuse she loves her sister, and by doing it she will loose not only her sister but all her family. and i think that if i was her i will deny until my death.

So i feel terrible, i dont want to have sex with her, i think all day about this. but what is more important to me are my 2 kids that i dont want leave them in case i have to move out. Please give me and advise

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (21 September 2009):

you know your wife best so if you suspect something is going on, then most probaby it is. you know her behaviour and you know what she is "capable" of. so no matter how much we all tell you it is in your head, listen to that little voice inside your head. that little voice is warning you, cautioning you, telling you something is not right. you have every right t be suspicious and even jealous. after all she is your wife.

this won't be the first situation where someone betrays someone close to them and your wife will not be the last. so if you have some evidence you need to expose her. be wise, do your homework. you can never be too careful and just shrug off the "evidence" presented to you. do you have a right to be a worried man . the answer is simeple YES.

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (17 September 2009):

Lola1 agony auntI'm not going to argue with you.

It is horrible if that is happening. You can't possibly know that.

Good luck.

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A male reader, worrryman United States +, writes (17 September 2009):

worrryman is verified as being by the original poster of the question

suspicious yeesss jealous not. What is horrible is find out that she is cheating on me, her sister with a member of the family!!!!!. Why?? if there are a lot of guys in the world to choose from. My feelings for her are been falling down, i just don't trust her anymore even thought i don't show it.

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (17 September 2009):

Lola1 agony auntWOW! I'm glad you are not my husband.

Based on your suspicions surrounding an hour, and getting on well with her brother-in-law, you are going to install security cameras?! :S

When I said maybe he "made a move", I meant that maybe he tried to kiss her or something more and she always thought they were just innocently friends. Having to turn him down would be awkward and could inspire her change of behaviour towards him.

Frankly, people about to cheat don't let their husband's think they are coming home immediately and show up an hour later. She would have CALLED you later to avoid suspicion, something you are obviously prone to feeling.

English does not appear to be your first language, so it may be that something has been lost in "translation", but presuming that I understand you correctly, you sound suspicious and jealous. I think you could very well be over-reacting. When someone is THAT suspicious, they are BOUND to find something wrong, even if it is a manipulation of facts to suit your theory.

It IS possible to be just friends with him. It is possible her sister (who trusts her because she's known her ALL of her life) has it right when she doesn't suspect anything.

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A male reader, worrryman United States +, writes (17 September 2009):

worrryman is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Well, her sister trust her so much she probably cant imagine something like that happened. That's why i never told my sister-in-law about it without any evidences because she will never believe me as well as the other family members. I been trying to get information from her but she is very smart she avoid any conversation about it. and i don't think that he move on her because they always look for each other in any family reunions so if were something going on it is no necessarily move on her. The weird think is she does not want they come over to our house or we go to their house. WHY?? may be because i told her that in the first occasion i have to ask him in front of her sister about the party???? Just i simple question.. like hey what you guys did from 12:15am to 1:35am knowing the house is just 5 minutes far away?? something like that..

So she is trying so hard to avoid any reunion between all of us. And in my hearth i almost 98% something happened its just i don't have evidence.

I was thinking to install some hidden cameras in the house and in the car.

thank you for your reply

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A female reader, Lola1 Canada +, writes (17 September 2009):

Lola1 agony auntThis is a hard question to answer for a number of reasons.

1) We don't know if she DID cheat. While we can sympathize with your feelings and some of us may even feel suspicious if we were in your shoes, suspicions are not definitive proof of adultery.

2) We don't know what you want to do. We know you don't want to leave your kids, but we don't know if you want to work things out with your wife.

I would never recommend ditching your wife based on suspicions alone. I mean, what if you broke up the family and were wrong?

Perhaps you can help us to help you better.

Do you know how your wife's sister feels? Does she also suspect something is up or has she noticed odd behaviour? (Don't ask her - I just wondered if you knew this already.)

What does "is a kiss touching hard and so so" mean?

If she confessed, would you forgive her or want to?

Could something else have happened? Maybe he made a move on her and she turned him down, but didn't want to tell you because she may hear an "I told you so".

In the meantime, good luck. Please keep us informed.

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