A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My youger brother, Justin, is 23 months youger than me. I am 35 years old and he is 33 years old. He have always been a good person (doing charity work, volunteering his time to different charities, est.).When I was in my late teens and early 20s, I was a jackass. I stoled money from Justin and treated him extremely disrespectfully. So at 22 years old, he moved to another state for work and does everything to avoid me. Our parents tried to get us to work things out but Justin refuses to have anything to do with me. It has been 8 years since he talked to me. Is there anything I can do to help our relationship as brothers? Do I need to accept the fact that we don't talk?
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female
reader, femmenoir  +, writes (24 June 2018):
 You will have to EARN Justin's trust all over again and you will have to EARN Justin's respect all over again.
How?
By being totally honest, sincere and repentant for all the pain and hurt you've caused your brother.
Remember, Justin is no door mat and you are his older brother.
He actually "looked up to you" and yet, you didn't set a good, nor positive example, hence this outcome.
You should ONLY contact Justin, if you are of sincere conviction, otherwise you should leave your brother alone to get on with his life in peace.
You should pay Justin back all the money that you took from him and you should do some volunteer work, just as your brother does.
You need to set and achieve some positive examples/goals of your own, before you can expect any type of attention/forgiveness from your brother.
You should write your brother a sincere letter of apology. You let him know that you do acknowledge how badly you treated him and hurt him and let him know that you would give anything to rebuild your relationship as brothers.
Let him know that you fully understand if he wishes to have nothing to do with you, however, you pray and hope that he can find it within his heart to forgive you and allow you to prove to him, that you are a changed man and for the better.
You only do this, if you are truly sincere and if you've truly changed for the better.
The thing is, have you learnt from your past?
If so, then great, if not, then you shouldn't even have any expectation to see Justin.
If you find it hard to write a letter, then get ideas from "how to write a letter" sites, BUT, your letter, must always be written by YOU and it must ALWAYS come from your heart and nothing less than that.
Finally, it has been 8 long years, since you and Justin last saw each other in person.
As it's been so long, and as you hurt your brother so much, chances are, Justin may not be overly eager to see you or even talk to you.
I know this is hard to hear, however, you should be prepared for the worst case scenario.
If you are truly sincere and repentant for all you did to Justin, then Justin will sense this and hopefully with time, he may come to allow yo the opportunity to get together and talk.
I do wish you all the best!
A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious  + ♥, writes (24 June 2018):
 That depends on what your motives are for trying to make contact with Justin again. Is it because yo are truly sorry, miss having contact with him and want to repair your relationship? Or is it because you are down on your luck in some way and want to use and abuse your kind brother again?
For someone like Justin (nice human being so, we assume, forgiving as well) to avoid all contact with you for so many years, I think there is a lot more to this story than the casual "I stole money and treated him disrespectfully". It's all very well your parents trying to mend bridges between you, but your parents were not the ones who suffered at your hands.
Your brother sounds like a warm, loving, generous human being. However, even warm, loving, generous human beings have their boundaries and you must have hurt him ENORMOUSLY for him to cut you off in this way. I think that is the FIRST thing you need to acknowledge and think about. Saying "I was a jackass" minimizes what I suspect went on. It makes it sound like teenage high jinks, something which, as an adult, Justin should get over. Justin was hurt. He was hurt BADLY by your treatment of him. Have you ever acknowledged that what you did could have had a high detrimental effect on him? Have you ever apologized for what you did? Have you ever asked his forgiveness? Have you paid back the money you stole from him? It is all very well expecting forgiveness but, FIRST, we need to make reparation for our actions.
If you are only trying to contact your brother so you can take advantage of him again, then leave him be. He has already suffered enough at your hands.
If, however, you are TRULY sorry, then repay the money you stole, write to him and tell him how sorry you are. Acknowledge how horrible you were to him. Acknowledge how hurt he must have felt at the time to be treated in such a vile way by his elder brother, who he should have been able to look up to and rely on to protect him, not abuse him. Tell him you will understand if he chooses to continue avoiding you but also say that you hope he will find it in his heart to forgive you and let you prove to him you are not the same vile person you were back then, that you have changed. If, indeed, you HAVE changed.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (24 June 2018):
 Stealing is bad, stealing from family is a double whammy because our family members should be able to trust us with anything.
But I assume you know that already. You say your parents have tried to get you to work it out …. that's all well and good but have YOU tried to contact him, to apologise, to grovel and to pay back the money WITH INTEREST?
Be honest with yourself, ask YOU what you have done in the past eight years to redeem yourself in Justin's eyes and in your community, are you now volunteering, donating, working for others, giving back rather than being a taker?
Unless Justin can see for himself that your are honestly repentant he probably wont be interested.
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