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I stayed after school and ended up having sex with my ICT teacher!

Tagged as: Forbidden love, Teenage<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (29 March 2006) 31 Answers - (Newest, 15 February 2007)
A female , anonymous writes:

I really fancy my ICT teacher. Then last night I stayed at school late to finish my dida (ICT ) coursework, and during that time, me and my teacher were talking and he leaned over and kissed me. We ended up having sex and now

I don't know what to do because it has finally sunk in that he could lose his job, or even maybe worse if anyone finds out. He seems genuine as he kept asking me if I was sure it was what I wanted, then afterwards he took me home, and he has even said we could do something this weekend. I really like him but I just don't know what to do! My teacher is 26 and I am 15 (16 next month).

please help me!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2007):

well did you tell him that you reget this? and you cany drop out so just tell him to quite his job and work somewhere else and forget about everything but make sure you not pregnaut okay and you should be okay.

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A female reader, burningbridges Canada +, writes (22 September 2006):

Hmm, if you feel okay with this, keep you lips zipped except for talking to your family doctor about your sexual health (or at a clinic,of which there are many). Don't sleep with him again, as your teacher, even without the age difference, that's -wrong-.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (19 April 2006):

willywombat agony auntWow, anon who replied below. I wish you ahd been around to talk to me when I had my 'problems'.

xxx

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (19 April 2006):

willywombat agony auntWow, anon who replied below. I wish you ahd been around to talk to me when I had my 'problems'.

xxx

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2006):

Rather bright, our Poster, not to take the bait on naming the school. I appreciate your sentiments, blondeladie, but I thought we were here to offer advice, rather than push our own agendas? And substitute our own judgement for the free choices of others? A request for advice doesn't necessarily imply a request for control. Even from a minor. Not even if WE "know what's best."

I should like to hear again from moonkitten83, as it would appear that it is now "next month," and she is 16. So unless someone could prove what has already gone by, it would seem the legalities are past, at this point. Of course, the ramifications to his career might still be quite severe if someone were to find out. And, Poster, if you truly care about him, and what may become of him, that is not a small consideration. It's impossible to see in advance all the many different ways this could be found out and explode in his face. Anything from a slip of a tongue, to an accident needed emergency medical assistance, to a chance encounter, to a chance visit... so many - uncontrollable - ways. If you truly care for him, and his well-being... this is something for you to continue to think about.

As important as those things may be, I'd also still be concerned about the simple difference in ages and experience. On the positive side, even if you've picked what is probably a risky game, you do seem to be thoughtful and have your eyes open - even if your heart has closed your intellect. :)

Maybe, like many of us, you will have your heart broken at some point; maybe, like willywombat's friend, it will be his heart that breaks. Hopefully, with a LOT of luck and caution, that will be the worst of it. And, perhaps, it simply will be an experience you both will treasure, however things play out in the end.

But I have to say, personally, I strongly agree with willywombat's advice. While a month seems like a year at your age, or to anyone in love, finding a way to wait would be a really good idea. And if it's True, it will wait with you. Even if he were your own age, and not at such risk, I suggest you wait awhile for sex (or go back to waiting, rather). :) Not bad advice for the beginning of any relationship at any age, as I'm sure you may hear from time to time from many sources.

But if you are determined to keep this course, then please, please just be careful, go slowly, and keep in mind all that is at stake here. God bless you and good fortune.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

id rather it stayed confidential of my location

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 April 2006):

what school do you go to?

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (14 April 2006):

willywombat agony auntIf you are 16 and are leaving school this year then I cannot see the problem. If you are truely in love with this man, look at transferring to a different school to finish your education. I think that you need to sort this out sooner rather than later when it all blows up in both your faces.

x

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A female reader, Angelicc United Kingdom +, writes (14 April 2006):

Angelicc agony aunti'm not going to criticise you but couldn't you wait because you are quite young, i'm just worried that if this goes wrong it'll effect your furture relationship. and if anyone found out your teacher will go to prison and will lose his job. are you sure that the relationship worth the trouble

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A reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

hey guys me n my teacher talked things over and we both said how we realy liked eachother, and we are giving it a go. i no everyone here is goin to criticise me for doing this but im doing what i think is right. i really dont think im being used as are relationship is not built on sex, we do things like watch dvds and sometimes he cooks dinner for me. do you think im doing the right thing?

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A female reader, Phoebe Halliwell United Kingdom +, writes (13 April 2006):

Phoebe Halliwell agony auntWoah! It's kinda agianst the law ya know.

First of all, are you pregnant?

Second of all, did he make a move on you or did you start it with him.

Third of all, a ten year age gap is ok (there are 9 years between my parents) but likeing your teacher is usually just a passing crush. Don't start going out with him. For gods' sake. If you two get spotted together you both get busted and how the Hell did you end up having sex?? Didn't anyone see you?

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A female reader, lisa_01 Australia +, writes (7 April 2006):

lisa_01 agony auntTo female anon on the 6th of april, yes it may have been consentual but the fact of the matter here is that he has abused his power as a teacher. and yes we all mature and develope at our own speeds but that does not give a teacher the right to have sex with a student who just happens to be under the age of 16 years old just because the student might be mature for her age.

to the poster of the question, good to see that your taking some time out to think about what your going to do about this, please keep us posted.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006):

omg! what ever you do DONT get involved with this guy. He is putting everything at risk here. If anybody found out about this he would lose his job and would most probably end of going to prison. This man knows that what he done was wrong but he still went ahead and done it. If anything, speak to a family member or a close friend

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2006):

(to lisa) err, wasn't it consentual (sp?)

But anyway, talk to him about it, get to know him. Worst thing you can do is tell your friends about it. It could just start as 'Ooo, I had sex when I was 14', but then turn into something like 'Today i had sex with Mr happy!' And your friends will probably tell someone, or want to know more and gossip about it behind your back. Also, ignore some of these people saying that he is a paedophile. while legally, yes he is, some people develop and mature mentally faster than others. I know a 13 year old who has got a steady boyfriend whom she has sex with (using protection) every fortnight to keep the bond between them strong, but i also know a 14 yr old girl who THOUGHT she was ready for sex, but ended up going from bed to bed and finally getting pregnant and she DIDN'T EVEN KNOW THE GUY'S NAME. So try to hold it together, don't rush into things and make sure to talk abot things and remain friends. Otherwise, if it doesn't work out you'll have to see him all the time for the rest of your school life and if you're just 'sex buddies' you probably won't be able to communicate anymore.

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A female reader, bodylotion +, writes (31 March 2006):

bodylotion agony auntGlad that you decided what to do:)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanx to everyone who has helped me with this problem, i have made up my mind what im going to do, and i will post an update once i have more control over the situation

thanx xx

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

willywombat agony auntI find it difficult to explain how i felt, cos at the time i really loved him and I know he loved me cos he asked me to marry him. When I dumped him at 21 it broke HIS heart!! But I also know this is an abuse of a dynamic that is taboo in western society....how difficult id that to deal with!! And scary!!

I was young, but not so young I didnt know what I was doing. And yes if I had have been more naive or him a nasty piece of work then the situation could have lead to abuse. So not all situations are this *easy* to deal with.

I hope that things work out the way you want them to.

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

yeh that is completly true sexybum, but if her relationship with her teacher worked for some time, wots saying this one wont?

i really appreciate all this advice that is being given

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A female reader, Sexybum United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

Sexybum agony auntHiya me again, just to say that after reading Willywombats follow ups, I think that she could understand you more than anyone else who has answered this question. From whats she's written shows that she can understamd where you are coming from, see you are not the only person who has been through this.

Wombat can I just say thankyou for your follow up. You've helped me see things from another point of view and I think it is quite good of you to use your own experience to help other people understand the situation, also to give more advice from it yourself.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

i really am puzzled what to do, because i really feel like he cares, and like willywombat said she was with he teacher untill she was 21. i honestly do think he is genuine and that he is not forcing me into anything even tho i no what we are doing is very wrong.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

willywombat agony auntDear anon

Please learn from this siutation. Please dont put yourslef in vulnerable situations like this again. Only ever see this man when you are with others if you dont want to be tempted into doing something you shouldnt. And IF there is a chance for you when you ahve left school then he will wait and maybe things can happen then. But dont ruin your school career or his.

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

willywombat agony auntI have no issues with disagreements!!! But can I just point out (and this is from experience), I did nearly exactly the same thing when I was a few months from my 17th birthday. I had a long term affair with my psychology teacher who was 30. I was probably less than twelve months older than this girl is now. I led him on, I made all the moves and I stayed with him until I was 21. He did abuse his power in that he was my teacher and he did make a huge error of judgement in having a relationship with me whilst he was still at school. But at 30 days off 16 years old you know what is right and what is wrong! This is a chronological age issue. YES he has abused his *power* in this case but she also knows what she has done is wrong and she should never have gone there either. It may not be 50/50 blame, but all the responsibility cannot lie on this guys shoulders. I fully understand what you are saying sexybum, but maybe he loves this girl. Maybe he has made a massive error of judgement. It doesnt make him a paedophile, last time I looked paedophilia meant being into children and this person is only a child in the sense she is underage by one month.

The teacher-student taboo is one that SHOULDNT be broken. It has, but he didnt rape her in the stockroom, he had consensual sex with her WHICH SHOULDNT have happened!!

I know were you are coming form. And I do understand it. But I am seeing things from a different perspective. I am playing devil's advocate because of past experience.

God, this is difficult.......

x

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

thanx for giving me advice on this. i no that what happend was wrong but i dont want to report him, i no this sounds silly and very teenage but i like him to much to go stabbing him in the back, to the someone who can get him fired.

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A female reader, Sexybum United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

Sexybum agony auntI'm sorry about this Willy Wombat but I am going to have to completely disagree with you on this one! You cannot say that she is just as much to blame as this man is. That's not true at all, she is 15 and he has abused his power, taken advantage of her, and mis led her into thinking they can have a relationship. He will probably cause more mental issues for her later on in life, and as he is a teacher and he is 26 I think he can throughly be held accountable for his actions. However she is only 15 and will 'fall inlove, get a crush' easily. To her everything that happens now is the 'real thing' you must try to remember how your mind works when you are 15.

Anyway back to the question asker, hello there, I think that you already know that this shouldn't have happened because you've come seeking help and advice. I hope that the answers on here about this teacher being a peodophile haven't struck you too hard. Some people have not been gentle with their word's and I hope that you are feeling at least a little bit ok after reading your answers. Its understandable if you are shocked by them, but like i said I think you already know there is something wrong with this situation.

What he did is wrong and he should've known better, however you are still young and didn't deserve for this man to treat you like this. One of my concerns is for how your mental state may be affected by this. I think (and a lot of other poeple think) that it needs to be reported. YOU need to report this. I would say to you that in all honesty he has probably done this with a few students, and if he hasn't yet than he sure will.

This is a big responsibility on your shoulders and I hope you carry it well. YOU have the power to make sure this man is stopped. You really should report this. Once you have reported it (like I said I'm concerned for your mental health) you will have a lot of pressure on you. A lot of people asking you questions that you might not want to answer. Once you have reported it please confide in someone you trust. You will need to talk someone about your feelings. Its no good bottling it up. You can always consider a counseller to get you through the hard bits, but once you've done it and its finished with you will know you have done the right thing.

Just ask yourself what you want your 15 year old daughter to do in this situation?

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A female reader, moonkitten83 +, writes (30 March 2006):

moonkitten83 agony auntbabe, u may not like to hear this but no matter whether he was genuine or not (I expect he wasn't) what he did was illegal. I am a lawyer and therefore i know very well that if found out he could face criminal charges wherever u come from. In a great deal of countries it is either statutory rape or in England, where i studied law, it is a sexual offence to sleep with a child under the age of 16!

I'm sorry to say it but it appears from what you've said that he's taken advantage of you, he might have seemed genuine at the time but sadly in this world some men will say anything to get you to sleep with them.

tell someone you trust; a parent, another teacher, anyone u feel u can confide in... just don't be afraid of getting him into trouble, he knew you were 15 but carried on regardless. Someone in his position or anyone for that matter should know better!

I hope that you can understand all this, don't keep it to yourself tell someone close to you. He must have known what he was doing was wrong and should face up to what he's done. Unfortunately u may not be the only girl at school he has made a pass at and he can't be allowed to do this to anyone else.

I hope you can sort this out hon, thinking of you xxxx

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A female reader, willywombat United Kingdom +, writes (30 March 2006):

willywombat agony auntObviously you already realise what you are doing is wrong. For the sake of your mental health and your teacher's career don't do it again. You agreed to it and I think it is a matter of pickiness to say that because you are months away from your 16th birthday this is rape - statutory or otherwise. You are just a guilty as him if there is a crime to pay for. Only it will hit him harder.

back right off. Let this guy alone.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006):

I'll bet he found out somehow that you are attracted to him and took advantage of it. I know you want to believe that he didn't want it on his own, rather you made the move... Darlin'... it doesn't work that way. A teacher is supposed be the mature one and not lead young girls into bed.

Talk to someone you trust. And please DO talk. And don't keep going back to him, that is the biggest mistake you can do. Whether you like it or not, he will loose his job.

How will you like it if he sleeps with your best friend next? From where I am at, I'm sure now he'll want more of what he got from you!

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A female reader, Hopeful +, writes (30 March 2006):

Hopeful agony auntI don't particularly think this sounds like a healthy relationship for you. I agree with Tux on this one.

I think that it is concerning that a 26 year old teacher sleeps with a 15 year old student. Most would find it an abuse of power. The fact that it is a sackable offence in the teaching profession and depending on where you are in the world, it is illegal. It certainly is in Australia where I am.

Personally, I would chalk it down as a once off and think about dating some guys your own age.

I know you thought he was caring and considerate but really, if he wanted to sleep with you would he have been agressive and nasty?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 March 2006):

Do yourself and other students a favor and tell your school administration what happened. If they don't contact the police or district attorney, then make sure that your parents do. What your teacher did is statutory rape (regardless of whether or not he's a teacher). That he's a teacher makes it an even greater crime as he's in a position of trust (and he violated that trust by having sex with you). I doubt that you are his first student sex partner, but if you don't tell the authorities about this I guarantee you that you won't be his last. He's a pedophile and should have to answer for his actions.

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A male reader, tux United States +, writes (30 March 2006):

tux agony auntYou may not want to hear this butThis is very concerning to me and something that he should have not pursued. I'd be careful if I were you.. It's not a lie that there are guys out there just for sex. This goes a bit beyond the him being 26 and you 15.. I would be concerned he is just seeing you as just someone to have sex with. It'll be hard for it to be anything else but that. I mean he cant really be seen out with you. IMO he may be abusing his role as a teacher. but that's just how i see it.

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A female reader, lisa_01 Australia +, writes (30 March 2006):

lisa_01 agony aunti felt abit sick after reading that, i feel really sorry for you, as you have been taken advantage of and you don't even realise it but your only 15 and he should know better, this teacher of yours is a pedophile (sorry i dont know if i spelt that wright)but i hope he does get in trouble for this and goes to goal, no offense but the only thing you should do is tell someone what happend like your parents or someone you trust and then tell the police, what a sick sick man. and just think what if this is not his first time he may have done this with someone else you go to school with or you could be his first but now his got a taste he will keep going,and what happens if he does this to the next girl who does not agree? thats called rape, dont let him take advantage of girls anymore, tell someone. i know you want to think that this guy likes you but the reality is that he can't be with a 15 year old, his not doing this because he wants to be your b/f he wants to have sex and thats it, his a dirty man with a fantasy to have sex with a child and he did it, i feel so sorry for you and i hope you see whats happening and you tell the police.

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