A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:im a married women since 4 months , me and my husband started our sexual relation on the first day of our marriage we didnt try to have sex before we got married althoug we have known each other about ten years before marriage but our religion prevent sex before marriage as we are mouslems , in our first day sex he was in a harry to make the pentration process that shocked me , he didnt wait till i get relaxed or take my time to be prepared and lubricated that caused a panic attack to me each time we try sex and thats harmed me spritualy as i started to hate him and hate sex by that scary rushy way he did it , u know he was shouting at me each time i had that panic and he became so nervous with me , at last and after two months marriage trying the perntration he managed to do it with me as i my hyman got weak becase of the trials, but my soul still hate and refuse that man i dont feel the same as before and i cant enjoy sex with him at all as i became so cold , cause i alwya remember that he shouted at me while i was in panic and he wasnt good with me ,now he traveled to work outside the country and i refused to travel with him cause i dont feel secure with him anymore and i decided to stay here with my family and in my work till i take the right decision if i ll stay or leave him now. he keeps calling me on phones and net missing and showing me his love but unfourtinatly i cant feel all that , all i remmeber is that first days of harming sex, im really confused am i right ,also i became so stiff and wild and stoned hearted joined the boxing team and i was enjoing the hard treneds , the most strange thing is that the trainer is admiring me and me too i dont know how could i be attracted to someone else not my husband and why ? i always hated women who cheated on their husband but realy thats out of my hands it was my feeling ,u know i couldnt resist him i felt a great sympathy in his treatment with me i realy felt weak hearted , last night the team went out alltogather then he asked me to go for walk then he touched my hand and i really felt another feelings i ve never felt it before and he kissed me and i allowed him to cause the feeling was irristable really amazing he was so organized in his attitude and very romantic and he told me that he realy loves me and he want me to stay with him forever and he will marry me if i asked for divorce , i really felt that love very much and my heart melted , i wanna explanition to all what and are my feelings towards the trainer is true or just i miss love in my life and please help i feel that im a cheater and i hate my self ..
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 April 2008): now i feeling i also hate him very much,,he even not talking to me everyday. just feeling im at this home for nothing. i wanna leave , i don't feeling like i have a family but the thing is leave not really that much easy. huh tired of everything, tered being a human been. just want to drop every thing here and go out of this country start my new life again
and also hope you make your decision with your own mind. you do the things that makes you happy. take care..good bye
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 March 2008): to the original poster - how did things work out for you?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 February 2008): Are you kidding that you have to question getting a divorce from your husband. How can you think he loves you if he hurt you like that. I wouldn't go anywhere with him you may never come back. When someone can physically hurt you like that and be so insensitive I would be scared of them. You have someone that loves you truly then God bless you and you should go for it before you are stuck with a monster for the rest of your life Dont walk run away from him
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister  + ♥, writes (25 February 2008):
 Yes, I am so proud of you!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): Is it at all possible that your husband was totally inexperienced and had no knowledge of sex before your wedding day? That he also panicked and reacted the way he did because he didnot know what he was doing and could not handle the situation - that he was expected to perform and he didnt know how to do it as a man is expected to with confidence? There must be tremendous expectations and pressures on you both in this situation. I dont know why all the other aunts are so one-sided in their views - I wondered what was the husbands explanation for shouting at you when you panicked - this must have been absolutely dreadful for you but I just feel a sympathy for a man who is expected to be in control and perform this most intiimate act who maybe has no idea at all what he is doing? Was he a virgin also? You must have had discussions with him about what happened - what were his explanations? It seems odd to wait ten years to marry and then to turn your feelings off so totally so quickly even though you suffered deeply from the bad sex experience with him - is there any sort of explanation from his side as to why he reacted so badly to things being such a disaster? Also I would treat the trainer with caution.. you have known him for such a short time and at a time when you are very vulnerable - I hope he doesnt see you as an easy (sorry to say this) "lay". I understand in your country that once a woman has been married there is not the same taboo over her sleeping with another man - unlike a virgin who would be intouchable. How would you feel if this trainer is not genuine and you sleep with him only to find out he was only interested in sex and then regret not givng your husband the chance to explain himself. Maybe he did try already and you were not satisfied with his response? In which case it seems you have already made up you mind thhat your marriage is over?
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A
female
reader, Ask oldersister + ♥, writes (24 February 2008):
I have complete empathy for your situation! How insensitive of your husband! Unfortunately, your religion is male dominating so I'm sure that is why he feels he can do this. Regardless, you are right about what your soul needs(that is universal). It is completely natural for you to feel attracted and drawn to a man that is sensitive to your needs as a woman. Whether it would work out with this trainer or not, your love is true but love alone will not make a marriage work. If you decide to divorce your husband, it has to be because you are being TRUE to yourself and what you want out of life.
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A
female
reader, daisydaresyou  +, writes (24 February 2008):
Umm DoubleM, maybe you should lay off the patronising religious stereotyping masked thinly as educating, and just reply to the poster as a regular human being? Why are you explaining your views on Islam to a woman who is already a Moslem and didn't ask for it?!That said, to the original poster, I think you should divorce your husband if you are feeling like this. He violated you and doesn't seem to care about your sexual pleasure or personal feelings at all. I don't blame you for seeking comfort in this other guy who seems totally different. Like someone else says, this guy may not be the one but then neither is your husband, and you will find someone much better I'm sure. Good luck :)
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A
male
reader, DoubleM + ♥, writes (24 February 2008):
 While there is great respect for your religion generally, it does not always have respect for the role of women by many male adherents. It comes from hundreds of years of tradition that remains solidly resistant to more modern trends that include acceptance of equality for women. In the Moslem world, women are generally considered subservient, often as chattel property, and you know this. All the rest of the world can really do is to be sympathetic, but your particular man seems most aligned with the extreme interpretations of this Eastern tradition.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): Absolutely, even if the trainer is not 'the one', your husband still isnt either. Take care and Good Luck with your new Happy life x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you all i loved your wise answers , i should leave that monster , whether to continue with the trainer or not in all cases my hearts felt love towards someone else then my husband is not in my heart anymore ,,, right?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): If you are willing to split from your husband properly and will not be sneaking around behind his back then I truely believe that you have to make yourself happy, if that means being loved and cared for properly elsewhere with another man, then thats what you should do. You husband has not only disrespected your body but also your spirit, he has caused you to hate him because he has not been sensitive to the situation. Im afraid you have become conditioned to shut down when he touches you for fear of him hurting you in sex, you need to be with someone that helps you relax and takes things slowly. x
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A
female
reader, korculan queen  +, writes (24 February 2008):
It sounds as though your first experience with your husband made you feel raped. He did not take into account your feelings or your body taking the time to relax before penetration. If I had someone shouting at me I would not feel very loved or very safe having sex with him husband or not. The first time a girl has sex is incredibly painful especially if she is not relaxed. He sounded as though he just wanted to get it in you without thinking about you. With this trainer I am wondering how your husband would react given that you are mouslem. Would his treatment of you worsen? Would he become violent? Regardless of what country you are from and what religion you have every woman has the RIGHT TO BE TREATED WITH RESPECT AND LOVE. It sounds as though due to the pain you were saying no but he did not care. FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND STRIVE TO BE HAPPY AND LOVED. REMEMBER YOU ARE A BEAUTIFUL WOMAN WORTHY OF BEING TREATED AS AN EQUAL IN ANY RELATIONSHIP. You are not of less value than a man but of equal value. IF YOU ARE TRULY UNHAPPY THEN I WOULD LEAVE. A HUSBAND SHOULD TREAT HIS WIFE AS HIS OWN FLESH. HE WOULD NOT HARM HIS OWN FLESH. He has broken the covenant of marriage if he hurts you in this way.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2008): I think that once a couple get married, your relationship and behaviour can actually change quite a lot. People think you can't leave them, or would hesitate to, if they treat you wrongly. My opinion is always follow your heart, and I think this is what you should do. If you felt so much love for this other man, then leave your husband. Nobody should make you stay in an unhappy relationship. And the sooner you get this news out, the easier it will become, I promise you. So follow your heart, it will lead you to where you are meant to be. Good luck :]
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