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I snooped on my boyfriend's Facebook account because I no longer trust him - is it time to break up?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (30 December 2014) 10 Answers - (Newest, 3 January 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Basically, I've caught him lying to me a couple of times in the last few weeks and I was shocked. I never believed he had it in him and it's taken a lot of begging on his part for me to agree to give him another chance. I've always had an idea what his Facebook password was but have never felt the need to snoop before, until now. I didn't find anything, but it's clear that I no longer trust him and I don't know how to rebuild the trust. He seems to think I should just accept his word that he's learned his lesson but obviously it's not going to be that easy. I'm going to confess to snooping, but should I end things at the same time as the trust is gone?

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (3 January 2015):

eyeswideopen agony auntAbsolutely end this relationship. I wonder why you even need to ask. Totally toxic for you.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015):

Well then If you feel it's worth the relationship ending, then you know you're answer.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015):

Please don't underestimate the long term health effects associated with smoking weed when my boyfriend's brother has "Drug induced" schizophrenia according to his top London Consultant Psychiatrist . This condition is becoming more common due to extended use of weed.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015):

'Why does he feel he needs to lie?'

I have post-traumatic stress disorder and the smell of weed is one of my triggers. He doesn't fully understand the illness I don't think, but he knows it makes me freak out and that simply learning to be ok with it is 100% not an option. Regardless of the reason though, he promised me he wouldn't do it any more then went back to it behind my back. Frankly I'm a bit sick of these social pressures telling me I should get over my hatred of this because it's 'not that bad'. It's also recently been upgraded from a class C to a class B drug in the UK meaning the legal penalties are even more severe.

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A male reader, Serpico United States +, writes (1 January 2015):

You have no trust in your relationship, and I don't see it getting better. Move on.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2015):

Why does he feel he needs to lie? Smoking is really his decision. Marijuana is not dangerous and often aids with depression, anger and anxiety. Don't get me wrong, it's not my cup of tea, but objectively, it is becoming more legalized and utilized for it's true health benefits and medicinal value. I know people who are much more capable while using marijuana. If he's loyal to you, cares, treats you well, speaks well of you, is kind and gentle makes you laugh, you may not find weed something worth losing him for. You may consider opening up to him using so he doesn't feel he needs to cover up like he might with his parents. Maybe a compromise can be struck, where you are both happy and taking the other person's desires into consideration. Just a thought. http://www.rodalenews.com/health-benefits-marijuana there's a link explaining benefits on the mind and the body. Nobody is going to stay 100% perfect in a relationship. Some things aren't worth losing each other.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States + , writes (31 December 2014):

So_Very_Confused agony auntBreak up with him.

Weed IMO is no big deal as I'm sure before my lifetime ends it will be legal here in the states much like alcohol.

Lying in general is the issue. I would rather be with an honest addict than a sober liar.

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2014):

Midnight Shadow agony auntLying about drugs is really bad because it's something that can seriously affect a relationship and lying about it makes it worse. Whether he's learned his lesson about lying or not, you clearly don't trust him any more and I don't think you will unless you get couples' counselling to find out why he lied and how to move forward.

Hope this helped a little :)

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A male reader, no nonsense Aidan United Kingdom +, writes (31 December 2014):

I think you’re very clear in your own mind that the trust is broken beyond repair. If you feel like that, there’s not much good that can come from prolonging it. It’s time to call it a day.

I wish you all the very best.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2014):

He lied to me about being back on weed and about where he was on more than one occasion. It's not so much the content of the lies, so much as the fact he has lied in general. It doesn't have to be about cheating to be enough to break the trust.

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