A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been acquaintances/friends with a guy from work for about 9 months, we weren't really close but had a lot in common and chatted when we saw each other. He's in his thirties and openly admitted once to not being good with women. Anyway we were chatting quite a bit so I gave him my number, and we chatted (Just as friends) over text for about a month. I was at a party and he was texting me, and i drunkenly invited him. Anyway he jumped at the chance then came along. I was quite drunk and we ended up kissing. I thought I quite liked him and would give him a chance, so we continued to text. I realise now that it's not a good idea to date anyone from work so I do regret it, although I can't do anything about that now.He then started to invite me out quite a lot and kept wanting to see me - a few times I agreed and went out for drinks with him, I liked his personality and thought I'd see what happened, wanting to give him a chance. He's actually a terrible kisser and everything he does indicates how bad he is with women, he is scared to make any moves with me or even flirt or talk about sex, I'm starting to think hes a virgin. He copies off a lot of what I say, uses all my sayings, and says a lot that makes me cringe. Hes very socically awkward, one night this creepy guy kept hitting on me and he didnt do anything at all or help me at all, because he is so shy/awkward. We haven't actually spoke about what is going on with us, and i was hoping it was more casual.. since I'm definitely not his girlfriend, but he is now texting me every day from 6am - 11pm, every single day, none stop texting, and texts first every day. He even texts me at 3am just to say he woke up in the middle of the night and is going back to sleep. I feel like I have no choice but to reply as I don't want to ignore him, but he messages even to say what he had for his breakfast. So I feel like it's forcing me to reply to him every day, cause otherwise I would be ignoring him and i don't want to be rude.The thing that is bothering me is the constant texting, and asking me on a date every single week, often more than once. I've realised now that I've lost interest and I'm really put off by his behaviour, the thing is he is extremely sensitive and i don't know how to tell him. He has no confidence as it is, and i don't want to make it worse. He already told me he is terrified of women. At the same time, I'm starting to resent his constant contact. How can I tell him, and should I text or meet in person?
View related questions:
confidence, drunk, flirt, kisser, kissing, shy, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (11 December 2018):
 I agree wiht Code Warrior,
Be kind and gently and tell him you don't see the two of you as a good fit, and that you think dating a coworker would be a mistakes as well. And then STOP jerking him around for your own benefit! You have quite enjoyed the attention etc. but when he didn't measure up you expected him to read your mind and just go away on his own. That is unrealistic.
I get that you don't want to hurt his feelings, but you CAN'T continue to meet up and talk/text if you really want NOTHING to do with him. It's disingenuous.
Whether he is a virgin, bad with women or whatever, DOESN'T matter. What matters is, that you really DON'T want to get involved with him.
Then you block his number and stop talking to him. Now that doesn't mean you can't be polite or professional when you run into him at work, but no more "private access" such as texting/calling.
And IF he doesn't back off, you take it to HR.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 December 2018): Like Code Warrior says, you let him down easy. Just explain that you didn't mean for things to go so far; you just wanted to hangout sometimes, and be friends.
He might be disappointed, but he's not a child. He realizes he's not good with women; but at least you gave him a chance. He got in a little practice, that may have boosted his confidence. He just doesn't realize you're not interested romantically; because you did kiss him, and you initiated this whole thing. Then conveniently decided you shouldn't date people you work with. After the fact!
Be kind, but honest. He'll get over it. Don't beat around the bush, or be wishy-washy. He must understand that you no longer want to be texted, or contacted outside of work; and you'd like to keep things friendly at work. Absolutely no more contact outside of work. Make that abundantly clear!
If he persists; then take it to Human Resources. I doubt that will be necessary; unless you continue allowing things to progress too far. Then he will feel like you're making a fool of him. He wouldn't be far from right; if you're treating him like a child.
This is a great example of why I warn young people against dating co-workers. Things get weird, and then somebody's job is on the line; or jeopardized due to a misunderstanding. It will then have to be construed as flat-out harassment. Your personal-life starts to intrude on your professional-life; and your mess becomes the company's legal-liability; or worse, possibly a matter of your personal-safety and protection as an employee.
Readers, read and learn!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 December 2018): Just be honest with him, he thinks your interested because your replying and going on dates with him, he's not harassing because your leading him on. You'll hurt him more in the long run if you don't tell him. I'd meet him in person and tell him that you don't feel the same way,
My rule is to never date a guy fr
om work it's awkward if it goes wrong
...............................
|
