A
female
age
36-40,
*unneralways
writes:I am going to make it clear to everyone that I have nothing against porn.. Heck, I even showed my boyfriend a bunch of different web-sites so that we could watch them together! But now, of course I think I might be regretting that decision. I am 21, the boyfriend is 22. We both attend the same university and he also plays for our school's baseball team. Overall I would rate our sex life as very very active, yet it varies, obviously. Some weeks we will have sex twice a day for the whole week.. and then we can go two weeks without. However, it is becoming very clear to me that when he wants sex, no is not an option. And this is why I think the porn problem has become an issue within our relationship. The other night, (last night) I really do think that he took it too far. Earlier in the day I had given him head before he went to practice, and all was good. Yet later that night when I was doing homework, i looked over my shoulder and my boyfriend was just casually watching porn. That didnt overly bother me at all because he and I will do that occasionaly, but I could tell that he was overly interested and that something was going to come out of it. Anyways, we were about to go to sleep and he decided that he wanted a blow job. I was very congested and didnt feel well at all and was running a fever. He acted like he was ok with it, yet was very avid on me falling asleep. I got very angry and knew what he was going to do and asked him not to jack off to porn tonight.. why not just jack off next to me? He got very upset and defensive, and eventually I ended up getting him off myself. But one hour later I woke up and he was in the bathroom with his computer, pleasing himself again. I was very hurt by this. It made me feel like I just wasnt enough anymore, even though I had gotten him off super hard only one hour before. I got out of bed and went to the living room to see how long it would take him.. 45 min later he came out and asked me what I was doing. I gave him the cold shoulder and he first seemed to feel bad and asked me to come to bed with him and cuddle. I never fell back asleep and went to school today very perturbed. He knew something was still wrong throughout the day and when he got back from baseball he was like, are you still feeling sick? Which I replied.. "Kinda, but this morning is still bothering me." He blew it off and got in the shower.What happened next pissed me off more than anything in the world. He got out of the shower and slammed the door walking out to the living room. He then told me that "I am a 22 year old college student, this is my apartment and if I want to jack off at 4 am, im going to."I tried to be very calm and told him how I felt.. That I felt like the other women were going to take the place of me.. That when I think of him watching those women I feel inadequate, and also I feel guilty that I am the one who showed him this! He then told me that I was stupid and that he would rather me get him off and that if "I think he is lusting over the pornstars more than he is lusting over me, than maybe I should do something about it." I am 5'9, 120 pounds with DDD breasts. Many of my friends call me a classy pornstar. I think that he crossed the line not only last night, but today as well.. How do I make him see this? How do I make it clear to him that he is killing me inside?
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reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2008): People can sure be cruel. I'm sorry for you that another responder called you silly. Porn now and then doesn't have to be a big deal, so don't feel bad for exposing your boyfriend (don't you think he was using before?)? He's crossed a line. He sounds compulsive. Your pain and anger are speaking to you. Your reaction isn't something you can just talk yourself out of. It means you've been hurt to the core. Pay attention to this, and take whatever path you need to to feel better. Good luck.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2008): yes I understand you would find it an interesting concept Diovonlestat
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): "at least those with self respect".... interesting concept.. lol
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): well...you were very silly to encourage this stuff...and even more foolish to still think its harmless....it harms women and girls a whole lot........at least those with self respect...which you obviously have.
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A
male
reader, passionatelynumb +, writes (5 November 2008):
 I've got to agree with Diovan Lestat. I couldn't think of a better way to say what she wrote here. She hit the nail on the head 100%.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): Sorry babes, but there really isn't a problem as far as I can see. He's young and he's horny. You get horny too, but probably not as much as him. Twice in one day, wow, that's a lot of sex and I bet he could do with even more. The thing is men are in their sexual prime in their teenage years and in their 20's. For some reason we women don't hit our sexual peak until we are in our late 30's and our 40's. That means you will want more sex as you get older, but at the moment he's the one that could do with more sex.
Pornography is not the problem, and you were perfectly right to bring it into your relationship and try to share it with him. The problem is that he wants sex with you, he probably wants sex with you all the time, and he knows this wouldn't be fair on you, so he uses porn as an alternative to keeping you on your back day and night.
You had a cold, you jerked him off, that was very nice and thoughtful of you, and I wish more ladies could be as kind as you. However it wasn't enough, he needed more, he needed to feel close to you, be inside of you and see your naked body. Not feasible and not very kind when you are bunged up and sick. So instead of lying beside you, driving himself mad, and probably pouncing on you and raping you, he got up at 4am in the morning and watched pornography instead.
He's using pornography in exactly the way it's meant to be used. Yes it can be used between couples, but it's also used by men when they know their partners don't want, or can't have sex. These ladies are not replacing you, if you are available, he will choose to have sex with you any second of the day. But when you are sick and tired, it's impossible for him to be a good boy and calm his desires down.
I always ask ladies to be very thankful for pornography, cause it gives some of us ladies a rest sometime. You embarrassed him that's why he got aggressive, he doesn't want to get in the situation where he "blames" you for being sick or busy with homework, for him looking at pornography. He'd rather have sex with you at any time, he's thinking of you, he's trying to show you respect, he's trying to leave you alone and that's why he watches pornography. If you have more sex with him, the pornography will decrease. But at the moment, I suggest you leave him alone, and be thankful for the strong, open, honest and loving relationship that you have created together.... Blessings
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 November 2008): unfortunately yes i am a victim of showing my boyfriend porn,which i now deeeply regret.i wanted to share the enjoyment of watching it together and we did,then he started watching it alone,then downloading it and our sex life just went from daily to weekly i told him that it was upsetting me and making me feel as if i was not enough anymore of course he denied there was a problem,but i have learned to put up with it and now ignore it as there is no point until he accepts the truth,that he is now a porn addict and realises its a problem
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