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I should go at all?

Tagged as: Crushes, Friends, Three is a crowd, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 May 2016) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 May 2016)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

So I really liked this guy, who at first liked me too, but who now has feelings for my best friend instead.

My best friend isn't into him in that way because she has someone she already really likes but on my end it still kind of hurts and is weird since he used to interact with me the way he now interacts with her.

We went on an outing with him and his friends and although it turned out well and we were on speaking terms, it still stung that he was mostly there for her.

He invited her to a game that he's going to be playing in so she asked if it was alright if she can bring me so she wouldn't have to go alone.

Although he's fine with it, part of me is unsure if I should go at all.

I'm worried that if I go it'll feel awkward with just the three of us. Even though I've tried to move on with my feelings, the thought still kind of hurts so I'm not sure what to do.

She's saying if I don't go she won't go at all since she doesn't feel for him that way and it makes me feel bad because I feel like if he invited her, he really wanted her to attend. I'm not sure what I should do.

View related questions: best friend, move on

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (11 May 2016):

aunt honesty agony auntI agree with everyone stay at home, why should you put yourself through pain for someone else? He likes her, but she doesn't like him that way, it is for them to sort that out not you.

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (11 May 2016):

olderthandirt agony auntWhy put yourself through this agony? Just stay home.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (11 May 2016):

CindyCares agony auntFourth Aunt . Don't go.

Much ado about nothing. You don't really want to go, she does not really want to go- then don't go. The only one who is interested in this outing is the boy and he may be disappointed, but,hey, he'll get over it.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 May 2016):

So_Very_Confused agony auntThird aunt saying "just say no" and don't go!

what an awkward situation.

find something else to do so you are not home thinking about it.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 May 2016):

Honeypie agony auntI agree with Auntie BimBim

No need to go.

So what if HE wants HER there? She doesn't really want to go and you don't really want to go. So what's the point?

Sometimes it happens that you fall for someone who in turn falls for someone else, it sucks but it happens. All you CAN do about it, is accept he isn't interested in you in THAT way and move on. He is in the same position as you. I'm sure you wouldn't want your friend to string him along, when she isn't into him at all.

Be busy that day.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (11 May 2016):

Aunty BimBim agony auntDon't go. Just tell your friend, because she is the one who invited you along to be third wheel, tell her thanks but no thanks.

If she doesn't want to go alone, that's her problem, and she needs to politely decline the invitation to the guy that invited her.

If seeing him interact with your friend the way he used to interact with you stings, or hurts, then don't put yourself in a position where you need to see it, unless its a BIG thing like a wedding in which case you paste on a nice bright smile and suck it up.

You like him, he likes her, and she likes somebody else altogether .... you don't have to watch him trying to impress her, do something else that day, something you will enjoy or something you have been putting off, like visiting Grandma or decluttering your closet. Both of these activities will leave you feeling positive and as if you have achieved something good, unlike being third wheel when your girlfriend isn't even keen on him.

And if he really wants her to attend but she wont because she doesn't want to be alone there, well guess what: that isn't your problem.

What a waste of time that would be. :-)

Enjoy your alternate day ....

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