A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I finished seeing this guy about three weeks ago because he said he didnt know if he wanted a relationship or not and we have been talking to each other for the last two weeks and he said that things between us when we were seeing each other were getting weird and I scared him off. Once you have scared someone off, is there anyway to come back from that so that the guy would want to try the relationship again? Thanks Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012):
How long were you seeing him before he said he did not know what he wanted?
If you scared him off then you were too intense,too full on for him. His feelings for you do not match your feelings for him.
As he is talking to you he could be a nice guy who doesn't want to hurt your feelings.Just cos you chat to somebody doesn't mean you want to marry them, its just a conversation
You can't make somebody want you, or love you. Accept that fact and look to date other men.
A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (23 April 2012):
 Hi
He wanted just sex, you wanted a full on relationship. He would like it if you slept with him but made no demands (F.Buddy) so he was free to keep looking for a girlfriend while still having his physical needs looked after by you.He probably likes you, definately not enough for a relationship though.
Move on,nothing for you there
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (23 April 2012):
 If he got scared like that, he wasn't that into the idea of a relationship in the first place.
I think he was just hoping for a f-buddy or FWB thing where he didn't have to put in an effort.
I'd look elsewhere.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 April 2012): You didn't scare him off he was never interested in you.
"he said he didnt know if he wanted a relationship or not" always means he's not that into you OP. You didn't scare him away you never had a chance in the first place. That's not to say he doesn't want to have you a sex partner but it does mean he doesn't see you as a potential girlfriend because if he did he wouldn't have completely take that off the table.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 April 2012):
 I would not bother. You are not reading the fine prints, in fact they aren't even that fine. He does not want a relationship, or at least he does not want it with you,that's all.
Don't buy the " I don't know if I want one or not " which leaves the door open to false hope and misunderstandings. It's just his way of pussyfooting ( to avoid hurting your feelings if he is a good guy, or to string you along as a plan B option if he is not so good ). When people want to have a relationship with you , they KNOW it and they SHOW it by their actions. No much room for hesitations.
His actions were to immediately pull off because he " got scared ". I don't think that you were wearing a scary Halloween costume, or yelling " booooh ! " in his ear, so what he means is that he saw things were getting too relationship-y for his tastes, and probably too intense, too full on from your side.
He may be still into you somewhat, but I bet he'd like to keep it very casual. If this is not what you want too ( apparently it is not ) then don't waste your time. You can take the horse to the water, etc.etc.
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