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I saw my 44 yearold mother having sex - surely she is too old?

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Question - (5 July 2008) 16 Answers - (Newest, 3 May 2009)
A male India age 36-40, anonymous writes:

I am 24. My mom is 44 she had a divorce after long married life of 28years.She was shattered and had lived a lonely life all alone for a year in her small parental town. When I got setelled with good job in a bigger town she came to live with me in my two bedroom-hall flat.She was was under deep depression.I asked her to meet people in neighbourhood to divert her mind. Slowly she had stared developing good relations with almost all neighbours.One of them was lonley middleaged widower.I was happy to see are normal again but was shattered one day when one afternoon I came back home to get some important papers.I had other key of flat so I directly entered the flat. My mothers bed room is in the far corner so she coulnot hear me.From the hall passage I saw her lying nude with the same widower,envolved in adeep sex.I returened back quitely.I was so shoked that I decided to sent her back.But one thought came that she has taken pains to grow me if this relationship makes her happy let it continue.But I am angry also that in this age she his having such lust I am ashamed of her.I am very depressed help me.

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A male reader, Main Man United Kingdom +, writes (3 May 2009):

Main Man agony auntYour mother's love life is nothing to do with you. If your mother wants have sex then let have it when & where she wants it. Remember your never to old for sex. Find yourself someone & you will soon see how natural sex is at any age.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2008):

you should feel bad because your age youger, bet sex is required by body in all ages

please allow her let enjoy

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A male reader, hugger United States +, writes (10 August 2008):

Hi, I am eighty years old, I was in bed with my 66 year old sister... my daughter saw us together had a roaring fit, but I don't really care as were both adults and single. by leon

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A female reader, birdynumnums Canada +, writes (7 July 2008):

birdynumnums agony auntWhy on earth would you be depressed that your poor, depressed widowed Mother got some? I'll bet she's not as depressed with all those endorphins that were released after she had a few orgasms! Surely you didn't think that she would be celibate forever or that sex was just for young people...

If you do think that sex is only for the young, you should get going and have some yourself! That should clear up your depression and get you off of that high horse you've been riding on!

I agree with Collaroy. You are 24. For God's sake, Grow Up!

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A female reader, SugarCookie United States +, writes (5 July 2008):

You are 24 and my guess is that you are still very much at your sexual peak. You started you sexual peak 8 years ago and your mom started hers 9 years ago. Woman hit their sexual peaks at a much later age than men. Your mom will more than likely continue to have sex until she either becomes to ill dies or turns 90. I realize it was a shock but really your mom is still quite young. Think about how quick the last 24 years of your life went. Now imagine that in the next 24 you being considered to old to have sex. Not a pleasent thought huh!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008):

It is a fact of life that humans enjoy sex and can and will enjoy sex right past their youth, middle years and through to their 70's and even 80's! Also, good sex is about more than just the actual physical act or reaching an orgasm, it's about affection and "closeness" to someone you care for. Don't be ashamed of your mother, or judge her. She has worked hard to raise you, she has found a happy life and affection again after a divorce - be happy that your mother is a beautiful, loving and attractive woman who is strong enough to live her life to the fullest rather than growing lonely and dusty in a corner.

I promise you, when you are 44 you will still want and look forward to sex, too.

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A male reader, ChiRaven United States +, writes (5 July 2008):

ChiRaven agony auntI'm glad Uncle Sneaker said it before I had to. There's ALWAYS something new you can discover about sex, and it really does just keep getting better and better if a couple keeps working at it.

Wait 20 years and you'll laugh really hard. Wait 40 years and you'll be laughing your head off.

Stay sexy!

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A male reader, Uncle Sneaker United Kingdom +, writes (5 July 2008):

Uncle Sneaker agony auntGet it firmly in your head that lust and sex is just as good, just as acceptable, and just as desirable for people in their forties, fifties, sixties and considerably older.

It's good. In fact it's marvellous. And with the experience and knowledge that comes with maturity, sex is VERY much better than when you're only in your twenties.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2008):

Okay, I understand, it must have been a great shock to you; walking in finding your mom with this guy; but hey, you should feel so happy; she is still young, she can still enjoy her life; and after what you mentioned, it seems as if she had a rough couple of years; you can feel very proud and very good; you helped your mom to get her life back; now don't deprive her of some sexual happiness; who knows, this guy might end up your stepdad?

Yes, it must be very difficult for you; nobody really thinks of there parents and sex; but trust me it is very normal and natural;

Be proud that you helped her to regain herself and her life; try and handle this with diplomacy; she will be very embarrassed if she must know that you walked in on them;

Best wishes; go give her an extra hug and a big SMILE.

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (5 July 2008):

TasteofIndia agony auntHi there,

It is very sweet of you to be taking care of your Mother and so concerned for her. However, it seems like she has provided happiness for herself in finding a man to enjoy herself with. This man may be a very nice fellow, and they could be involved in a loving relationship. It is not your place to pass judgment, it is simply your place to be a good son and prioritize your Mother's happiness.

All though yes, it's weird to think of our parents having sex, your Mother is a woman, and young at that (44 is still a happening age!) and she deserves to enjoy all the perks of a relationship. And, clearly this man is helping her feel BETTER about herself, which is a wonderful thing. Takes the pressure off you a bit, doesn't it?

Try to enjoy your own life while letting her enjoy hers. Now that you have focused on your Mother and helped her get back onto her feet, you should be supportive of her and take some time to take care of YOU and YOUR needs.

Good luck, sweetness!

xx India

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A female reader, softballplaya United States +, writes (5 July 2008):

softballplaya agony aunt44 isn't old at all. Im sure it was hard seeing your mum having sex but lets face it, we all do it. She was probably embarassed that you caught her. Dont make her feel bad for her actions=/ Juss be happy that your mum is not depressed anymore. Like everyone has said so far..your very kind to have taken in your mum and helped her get over this depression she suffered but now its time to let her go and be happy. If the sex issue bothers you alot then kindly tell her to let you know when she will be having that man over again like callaroy has so wisely suggested. Anyways take care

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A female reader, bday121 United States +, writes (5 July 2008):

bday121 agony auntYour mother is really not old. 44 is quite young by most people's standards. Your mother is just a woman with a healthy sexual appetite. She indulged one of her sexual cravings and was probably responsible about it. She didn't do anything wrong. I don't see why you're upset. Honestly I think you should be happy that she's found a man to spend time with!

I know it's pretty disturbing to think of your parents having sex - we all feel that way. But you must understand that your mother is still quite young and needs to have her own adult life. Think about it - don't you think that YOU will still be having sex at 44? I guarantee you will!

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A male reader, Collaroy Australia +, writes (5 July 2008):

Collaroy agony auntO.k dude, nobody wants to see their parents having sex, so we'll cut you some leeway here.

But you are 24 for gods sake, grow up.

O.K , sorry about that, you are a good decent bloke for helping out your mum and you should be commended for being the only person she could rely on when she was down, but she is entitled to a sex life and maybe just tell her discreetly that young lads dont like to picture their darling mothers having sex,so it would be nice if she could forewarn you when she's having company. That's all, o.k??

Women in their 40's and 50s are in their sexual prime, be glad she is enjoying hers. If the house is rocking dont come a knocking ..

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A female reader, scrazy Canada +, writes (5 July 2008):

scrazy agony auntMy grandparents are still going at it - sorry sweetie, but 44 is NOT too old to still be having sex.

I understand why you would be disgusted to think of your mother - much less SEE- your mother having sex.

But I don't think you should hold it against her - what if she wants to pursue a relationship with this widower? She is a grown woman, she can do what she wants and if she's lonely for some male companionship, let her find it and be happy.

You've been a good son to let her stay with you and introduce her to people around the neighbourhood - don't be depressed! Be happy that you've helped her!

xo

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A male reader, Peterk5699 United Kingdom +, writes (5 July 2008):

Peterk5699 agony aunt44 isn't too old at all. IMO there's no such thing as too old - only too young.

You have no reason to be ashamed and/or depressed. To use a cliche: Sex is a perfectly normal thing for two people to have.

If you really are depressed you should go see your GP.

Don't mention any of this to your mum though because the tables will indeed be turned.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (5 July 2008):

I'm sorry to break this to you but 44 is not old. Why can't she have a relationship with this man? They may get married and she may be very happy with him for the rest of her life.

I know it is not nice to think of your parents having sex but she is a single woman and she can do as she likes.

You are a really wonderful man for helping her, and helping her to meet new people and getting over her depression. You have been a wonderful son. I think you should encourage her to see this widower and be proud that you have helped her find happiness again.

Good Luck!! xx

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