A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I orginally posted a question, but for some reason the moderator(s) rejected it for being inappropriate, which does not make sense to me as I have seen so many similar questions being posted. Anyway, I will repost this without a lot of details, and if anyone wants to know more details I will follow up with that in my answers.I am a male, I was in a 6 or 7 month relationship with a beautiful, wonderful women I fell in love with. The breakup was very tension filled and there were harsh words I said to her that still haunt me at night. I wont get into the details of the breakup and what caused it unless asked, but it was pretty dramatic, and very traumatic for both of us.It has been 3 months since our breakup, and I still love her very much. I cannot, no matter how much I try get her out of my head. I am constantly thinking about her, and I am always sad. I have found that I have lost interest in everything, my hobbies, my work, my friends. I have tried to busy myself, but it does not seem to work. I find myself slipping away a lot so that I can find a private place to cry, and by evening I am so physically and mentally exhausted I lay down and fall asleep only to wake up in the middle of the night in panic and with a drowning feeling and cannot fall back asleep until near dawn.Since the incident I have not called her, although I want to apologize for the mean things I said. She texted me once but my pride would not allow me to reply, so now I feel even worse. I wish I never met her and I curse the day I did. I want to get over her but I cannot, I have really tried. Is there anyone else who has experienced this? What can I do to get over her, and how long does this take? I really need some advice on how I can move on from those who have. Probably explaining the circumstances of the breakup will shed some light, I would be happy to give them in my reply
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for reading and your advice. If I could give some background as to why we broke up. When we first met she was reluctant at first to get involved in a relationship, but I knew she was attracted to me and kept at it until she relented. The one thing though she was very strict on when I could see her. I could not see her most weekdays, but that was fine as I am busy during the work week anyway. I could tell she was well off, she lived in a very nice beautifully furnished apartment in an upper middle class nehiborhood (one that I could not afford) and although she came to my place quite a bit, I would also spend time with her at her place.
Over the months we became much closer, and we always kept in touch when we were away from each other by phone or texting. I pretty much fell in love with her, and I was never happier. But than quite by accident I discovered a secret she was hiding from me, I dont really want to get into that part of how, but I found out that she was making a living as an escort advertising her services on online escort websites.
Of course I was really hurt, but I had this glimmer of hope that I could "save her", convince her that the life she was leading was a deck of cards that could collapse anytime. I figured she picked me over other guys, so that must mean something. The big problem I faced was the amount of money she took in...I mean how could I counter that?
My frustration really started to build up over the weeks, and finally there was a boiling point. One day I was over her place. I was frustrated but I felt I was making some progress convincing her that she needed to change her life if she wanted to be with me. I kissed her goodbye and went out the door, and outside there was a guy standing at the bottom of her stairs with his cell phone, and when I looked at him he gave me this deer in the headlight look. I remember earlier her cell kept vibrating and she turned it off. I had this flash of anger hit me. I walked towards him saying "so you want to F*** my girlfriend, huh?" He turned around and started to walk away very fast, and I followed him to his car and just stared at him.
I went back to her apartment in a rage. I could not believe she used her apartment, and the same bed she shared with me. She normally worked out of hotels. Aparently sometimes she used her aparment, and this was one of her regulars who showed up un-announced. She told me that she would not have seen him and would have told him to leave, but I was so full of rage, I just called her every bad, mean cruel word in my vocabulary. She started to cry, I told her she was a no good dirty whore and some more stuff I cant remember, stormed out, and have not seen or spoken to her in 3 months. So that is the back story...
A
female
reader, xAx  +, writes (30 September 2010):
 Oh dear, it sounds that you are slowly getting depressed :( By the sounds of it, i've been in the situation before. My love of my life and i broke up because i was extremely stressed from work, was having a nightmare at home and hence i was slowly getting depressed by it all. We broke up because i pushed him away as i truely believed i didn't deserve him. i only successfully pushed him away by saying very hurtful things which i still regret many months later.I had never cried so hard in my life, especially in the first month. I only tried twice to get him back and those were in the first month.In comparison to how he was taking the break up, i was surviving much better. I'll tell you what i did...The first month is the hardest but it honestly gets easier. The first month was a month for me to realise he wasn't with me and the second month was to accept it. I didn't exactly have an aim as you do, so it should be easier in a way as you know what you want to achieve. One thing though, i think you really shouldn't consciously think about trying to forget her, as you will constantly remind yourself of the pain you are suffering. instead of doing things to forget her, do things to make you happy, to make you feel better about yourself. make you the aim, not her. use this single time to reconnect/connect with friends and family. use this time to make your hobbies serious; go out and party because you just want to have fun!:)
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