A
male
age
22-25,
anonymous
writes:I consider my relationship with my girlfriend extremely healthy, I have had about 3 girlfriends in my life and non of them had the effect that this girl has on me, I guess I can say this one is the 'one'. Well at least I thought she was...I am starting to have doubts after a conversation she had with me the other night. We had spent the entire day with each other, and ended the night with probably the best hug I've ever had, and a sweet kiss. We talked for the rest of the night over MSN till' she had to go to bed, the conversation started off really nice, the usual and then it turned into her talking about university. She's going away next school year to post secondary schooling, now she isn't going away like ... far maybe an hours drive, tops. I am not worried I won't be able to keep my side of the commitment, but I am worried she won't.Why am I doubting her? Not because I don't trust her, I trust her with every piece of my heart but the things she said really made me think.I will try and remember exactly what she said but I will explain the jist of what I got out of it. I told her I would work at a long distance relationship and I am more than willing, I also told her I was afraid I'd lose her. She didn't assure me at all, she has this mentality that 'fate' will decide, and what happens, happens. And that she might 'change' while at school, not with partying, and school but how she thinks of me. This really hit the pit of my stomach, basically in my mind is, if she meets a nice guy she will probably go for him and just tell me it isn't working out. This really crushed me when she said that I felt like lashing out at her and saying "Listen do you want this relationship or not!?" But I didn't, we still have a good 11 months to work things out, winter, spring, summer. But it's just eating me away that she sees this as one of those kind of highschool sweet heart relationships that you just throw away after prom. We have been going out for almost 4 months now, and we haven't gone a day where we haven't had a full conversation and we text each other dozens of times during the day. We spend weekends with each other and she works at the job I come back to every weekend. Should I just end it now and see if she wants to pick up in the future and we just see other people? Or should I try and make it work between us and see if she can see a future, I don't want to be wasting my time and forcing her to make wrong decisions with school, and worry about seeing me.
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crush, long distance, msn, text, university Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI should have also mentioned that we were very good friends for the last 2 years, and we have liked each other for more then a few months before we actaully started dating. I think thats why I am stressing out about it alot.
I have this feeling in the back of my mind that she will go off to school or whatever, and she will say "well we will still be friends no matter what so I guess I'll just try and get a new boyfriend"
But I do agree, 11 months is quite a bit, I just gotta work at it and see how it all plays out.
A
female
reader, TasteofIndia  + ♥, writes (3 November 2009):
 I completely and whole-heartedly agree with Anonymous.
Hey, you know what? You have 11 months before you have to make this decision, and who knows what will happen in that time? The relationship is still new... you could get even closer by then and be completely in love and the distance won't be so difficult. But, maybe that's not where things will be by then.
Your girlfriend is being realistic. Who knows how she'll feel about you, and being in a relationship in nearly a year?
You have 11 months to let "fate" do it's thing. But why stress about it? Don't assume you're breaking up, because that sort of mentality will sabotage the relationship. Just enjoy each other and getting to know yourselves even more. You can stress about this down the road... but don't throw out the next 11 months, because otherwise this will be the lousiest year ever.
Good luck, sweetness!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 November 2009): I have some very basic information to give you, that oddly enough you missed!You've been with her for 4 months. It's 11 months until the time she leaves to "see what happens". Its near 3 times as long until she leaves as what you two have been together so far. My point? This early on in a relationship, most people with intellect wont let themselves be carried away with the infatuation, but be realistic. You might think she is pessimistic about your relationship, but she isnt. She's being a realist. She's been with you for 4 months. She's basically telling you that it's too early for her to know exactly where this relationship is going. And with the time you two have left before she leaves, I would advice you to not over-think this, but enjoy the time you have with her.As for her finding another guy, in these 11 months she can do that just as much as she can when she leaves for this other school. So basically her leaving got zero to do with this. And you said you trust her, thats good, keep trusting her.Also, nothing wrong with you thinking she is a little cold hearted. You sound like a romantic, someone who wants to dream about the future you can have together. To a person like you, a realist may seem cold or un-interested. I believe she just scared to go with the flow and give you everything she's got, when she's not sure if this is "it". Not everyone feels for each other just as quick. Doesn't mean she wont want a future with you, just means she's not there yet. In 11 months she might very well be.If you are determined to get an answer from her right away though, and confront her with this, ask her "what do you want out of dating? Are you looking to find the one you want to marry, or just to have a good time?" Be aware that whatever she answers, she is entitled to change her opinion as time passes. At this moment she might not be thinking about marriage, but in 11 months.. she might. I think I made my point. Sit tight, love her, and see what happens.
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