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female
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anonymous
writes: Hi, I'm 20 and in a five year relationship with the best guy in the world. But recently I have been messing around with one guy I have become very attached to. It's been happening a few months. I love my boyfriend and am very happy in my relationship; I don't want to be messing around!! I have told this other guy I can't do this any more, as I have never cheated before in my life. This is totally out of my character.I keep this vision in my head that we can just be friends, but every time I visit he starts by putting his hand on my leg then he will kiss me. I tell him this can't happen AGAIN!, but he always gets me. I just can't say no. Every time I cheat I almost regret it after.. Driving home I always start crying. I want to stop but I cant say no.My questions are, how do I stop? And CAN we just be friends? Reply to this Question |
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 April 2008): I just want to know what happened, its been like 2 yrs since you posted this? Are you still with your boyfriend?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 February 2008): So I have had this boyfriend for about 5 months now an we are so happy an so in love, we are always talking about how we are goin to be together forever I would never cheat on him, or so I thought.
This is this guy Ill call him Joe (not his real name though) and well I was in love with Joe for about 6 years, nothing ever came out of it seeing how he is my brother's best friend an all.That is until yesterday. Lately my brother has been off in his own little world with his girlfriend an Joe an him havent been spending alot of time together they barly talk even, for some reason, me an joe have gotten very close we talk almost everyday an we see eachother a few times a week. well yesterday I picked him up to give him an one of his friends a ride somewhere it started snowing pretty hard, an I didnt want to drive in the snow, so Joe drove me home an ended up spending the night an it was only a few months ago I had gotten over joe, but he was over an we were watching movies an somehow we ended up kissing. only a few moments later my boyfriend called an we stoped, back off each other a bit, only 5 mins later it felt like i didnt have a boyfriend an we started flirting more, well we ending up haveing sex twice an now I cant even look my boyfriend in the eye u would never cheat on him and I dont know why I did, In some ways I think it was to find out if I was over my first love or not and now more then ever I really dont know, also I am not just afraid of my boyfriend finding out but of my brother because they got to hang out today an things are back to normal and if my brother finds out his best friend slept with his little sister then things arent goin to be good my brother is going to hate Joe an I honestly dont know what to do,
please help me out
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2008): This is kind of the situation i am in. I have been with my boyfriend for 15 months and do love him loads. Never have broken up or had a break before. But recently i found myself going out and flirting more and kind of wishing i was single. Me and my boyfriend were arguin and i decided to finish it just 4 days ago. I went out the following night and got absolutley paraletic and ended up at this guys place. ALthough i didnt sleep with him we did other stuff. When i woke up i started just crying cause i felt so assamed. It has made me realise that i love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. Before i met him i had a drink problem and would often wake up after doing something stupid and he has changed me. I dont want to go back to the way i used to be! I hated it. What should i do about what i have done he asked me the next day if i pulled and i said no. Now i want him back and have realised i dont want to have any other guy i want him!! Is there any harm done?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I am in the exact same situation and I have no clue what to do. Ii think the guy I messing around with really likes me and he is a good guy. he broke up with his girlfriend and now I feel so guilty. My boyfriend has ne clue. But they are best friends. Boy am I in a situation. Someone help
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2008): I had the same problem.
Mine is to a worse degree.. I haven't had a good stable man in my life till I met my boyfriend now, who I will call Bob. Weve been together for 2 years now, and I've cheated on him 4 times... And I REGRET it. Like I don't want to.. But EVERY SINGLE time, alcohol is involved and I can't control myself. I literally can't. like I HAVE to be the one all the guys wanna do.. its so WEIRD.
My ANSWER to you is, you need to stop seeing this person all together. If you want to stop then explain to this person that you just cant go on. If you truely love your boyfriend you will stop.... I really believe you can do it.. I cheated last night and I FEEL TERRIBLE. I made a promise to myself NOT to cheat ANYMORE. I'm done with it.. Its not worth losing the love of my life... Having said that, I believe you know what you should do, its just a matter of doing it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 January 2008): i cheated on my boyfriend because he has not made me feel wanted for a long time now. I needed to feel wanted again and I know it's wrong but I just needed to feel alive again. We are working things out and I won't tell him. I feel guilt but I also feel love and more love for my boyfriend than ever before. It is almost a sort of therapy. He cheated on me once too and I have now forgiven him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Yes, this is wrong. My friend is currently cheating on her boyfriend with my ex. Her boyfriend is unaware that this is happening, but he's wonderful. The thing is that if you keep doing this to your guy, you'll never really be free of this guilt and even if you don't feel guilty, it will come back to haunt you in time. Sorry to be harsh, but its true. It not only affects you and your boyfriend, but your friends, how do they cope, especailly if they are friends with both of you. They also have to chose their loyalties because they will be seen as bad guys if they remain friends with/or side with one or the other. Walk away. You don't need to be doing this if your guy is as wonderful as you say.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 November 2007): Heya, I was in the same situation.
I fell for a co-worker. BUT YOU CAN ESCAPE.
Delete all possible contact with him, do romantic things for your boyfriend, suprise him. Friends with "the other guy" is not an option. I love my boyfriend, i want to marry him even.. I still have to figure out how to not have the occational fling with an ex or that "other guy"
Its something u have to work through and learn about yourself by yourself. I hate wat ive done but i understand in a way.
Good luck.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 November 2007): i also have this problem ive only recently started seeing this new guy and i really like him but this time i thought i wouldnt cheat buh i just cant help myself
and i find it hard to say no beacuse the other guys ive been cheating with i really like them
and they all know ive got a new boy
so why cant they just stay away!!
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2007): I know how you feel because I am going same thing. I been with my boyfriend for seven years. It was on and off. I love him truely. I don't know if i can forgive myself for it. It is eating me up. It is out of my character too. I can't bring myself to tell him. I don't want to lose him. this probably will not help, but just telling you that you are not alone
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2007): i did have a boyfreind for 2 and a half years, then i became depressed over things that happend in my past, since then ive never been able to accept that to my boyfreind i was perfect.
i felt worthless and i wanted to be treated badly by people because i believe i deserve it, i told my boyfreind to hurt me during sex and treat me like a piece of shit but he wouldnt because he is not like that. So i went looking in other places. i found two people to use me, after the first time i too couldnt say no to the second one. i hated every single second of it, but it didnt stop me, so soon after i told my boyfreind he took me back after the first one but after the second time he dumped me i dont blame he doesnt deserve it.
you should tell your boyfreind too, its the decent thing to do, it might work out for you it might not, if it doesnt its gonna hurt for a very long time i attempted suicide once and im planning to do it again, i cant deal with it, this is never the person i wanted to be and it isnt what you wanted to be, my ex boyfreind was the one i know it, but hopefully you can move on and find your soul mate (unless he was) if you do never ever cheat on him!!!!! i mean it you'll regret it so much tht the guilt will eat you away till theres nothing left dont do what i did please dont....
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (26 February 2007): .Same Problem. I love more boyfriend more than anything. His family loves me and he has cheated on me in the past.. And since his mistakeS , I have been getting back at him constantly. I cant stop. I really just started with this guy I know. And I have no love for this guy. he is just a lay.. And I always regret doing it and feel like a whore when i go home or when I talk to him.. Im a super Jealous girlfriend and now im a hipocrit
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (28 September 2006): Wow, That's horrible you would treat somebody you 'love' like that. I hope your boyfriend winds up with somebody better than you, and that you grow up and realise what you did is wrong.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2005): I have the same problem. I can't stop getting involved with other guys even though I love my boyfriend more than anything in the world. I think it's because guys really are dogs. They don't care how bad it hurts the woman, or her man, as long as they get what they want.
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female
reader, Delila +, writes (31 August 2005):
You have some real strong chemistry going with this other guy. Lucky you!!! It sounds like you are not ready for a steady relationship. Go to your boyfriend and tell him that you love him and don't want to hurt him. Finish with him as gently as you can. Then you are free to have sex with who ever you want. Be honest with yourself.
Delila
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reader, dr.question +, writes (31 August 2005):
I say it IS possible to just be friends. I'm guessing that you really do love your boyfriend, and you're just seeking alittle extra attention. I think if both parties can come to a mutual agreement about what the affair is truly about, and if you can live with the guilt, then go for it, and be careful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): look if you really never cheated then why did you start now if you really loved your man then you would not have done it in the frist place.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2005): Sweetheart, ask yourself, do you really want to be friends with someone like that?
Clearly he has a hold on you.You didn't draw the linwe when he kissed you so he obviously thinks you're alright with it.I don't wish to confuse you further but i think,somewhere inside, you wnat it to happen too, that's why you're responding the way you do.Nobody wants to be the 'bad guy' that's why you cry, you feel so much guilt, you don't know how to deal with it and you know you are chceating on your other half because you don't want to be the cheater in the relationship.
He has a hold on you because you're vulnerable somewhere.Search within yourself.
What if you're friends? How could you still remain platonic if you're weak to him?
My advice, is to draw away from him.That might be hard but once you've accomplish that, you're clear to the next level.
You need to cut him off your life and think about acknowledge what happened.Spend more time with your other half,strengthen yourself and your relationship.Take time to reflect on this.Cut him off and take baby steps from there...Good Luck!
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reader, Rebecca Batchelor +, writes (30 August 2005):
 No, you can't just be friends with this guy, it just won't happen. Obviously, the sexual chemistry between you and him is too strong.
Dump him, today. Do not visit him again, just let him know by text or phone call. If you really are serious about making a go of your relationship with your partner, then this other guy has to be permanently out of your life and the only way you can do this is to NEVER see him again.
Then, you have to work on your relationship. He may be the best guy in the world but there is something not quite right for you to be tempted to cheat on him and to actually do it.
Examine any problems or difficulties you have in your relationship together. Work out ways to spice things up if that is what is needed. Probe your own feelings about your partner; what do you really feel for him? Has the spark gone? Has the challenge of your relationship gone? How can you get the fun back into your relationship?
If you concentrate hard on what to do at home, you will be less likely to think of this other guy. I know it won't be easy but he is like a drug and a very bad one at that. (He knows you are in a permanent relationship but that doesn't stop him). You will have to go through cold turkey if you want your relationship to succeed.
End your affair today and talk to your partner to make things better between the two of you.
Good luck.
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